The TLCC Blog

Please contact the group therapist regarding group meetings, to find out if these meetings are scheduled to meet in person, online, or are rescheduled. Meetings may be subject to change. Men's Addiction and Codependency Recovery Group , meets Thursday's 6:30 PM Led by Diane Holland, LPC, call (405) 255-9574. Intake session required prior to starting. Fee $40 weekly. Men's Sexual Health and Recovery Group , meets Thursday's 7:20 AM; Led by Kyle McGraw, LPC, LADC (405) 761-1740. Intake session required prior to starting. Fee $40 weekly. Codependency Group for Women , meets Mondays from 4:00 pm to 5:00pm. Led by Pam Forducey, Ph.D. ABRP. Call (405) 550-3482. Fee $40 weekly. Strength at Home Group , meets on Thursdays from 6:00pm to 7:00pm; Led by Andrew Porter, LCSW. Registration required by calling 572-208-8425 . Fee $30 per group. ( More Info ) Stroke Recovery Group , meets first Wednesday of the month from 1:00pm to 2:30pm Led by Pamela Forducey, Ph.D, ABPP-RP and Cris Gomes, MA, CCC-SLP. Registration required by contacting Cris at 405-315-6585 . Fee $10 per person or $15 a couple. ( More Info ) Feel free to call or text. Based upon need and interest, other groups may start soon. Please let us know what you are looking for and we will help you find one that may fit for you. (405) 246-5433.

By Cindy Rose, M.A., LPC-C As we approach the holiday season of Christmas and the New Year, I am abounding with gratitude as I reflect on the blessings and events of the past year. I am also filled with hope and optimism for a peaceful, healthy, and meaningful future. Hope and optimism are powerful motivating factors for psychological well-being. God’s word encourages us, “May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” (Romans 15:13) While anticipating the celebration of the Christmas miracle and the hope of the New Year, I am reminded of the holiday rituals that have strengthened my beliefs, values, and sense of belonging. Holiday rituals of colorful decorations and lights, the smell of Christmas cookies, and watching holiday movies (“Elf” is one of my favorites) and time spent with family and friends elicit joyful memories and warm nostalgia . Nostalgia is a social-emotional experience that unifies us with our loved ones while reminding us of our identity across time. The stored positive memories of past celebrations can be a stabilizing force to comfort us during difficult times of transition or change. The memories serve as a reminder of the past when we felt unconditional love and support from our families. Nostalgia can be viewed as a coping mechanism for reflecting on happier times when we feel anxious, depressed, or fearful. Unfortunately, holiday rituals may also elicit the holiday blues for people who have endured family instability due to a variety of things from divorce, the death of a loved one, a job loss or even domestic abuse. This can leave us vulnerable to risk of loneliness, high stress environments, and painful emotions. Holiday activities can be demanding and interrupt our everyday routines. They can also create unrealistic expectations of what the celebrations “should” be like considering changes in the family dynamic, which can cause additional anxiety and depression. Maybe you or a loved one is suffering from difficult family relationships or circumstances and experiencing the holiday blues. I experienced the holiday blues several years ago as I endured an extremely painful and personal loss. I struggled to process the grief and anger of the event for several years and to find a “new normal” for my life. It was by the grace of God and the kindness and support of family and close friends that I was able to heal and truly enjoy the hope of the holidays again. I feel blessed to have overcome my difficulties as an adult, but for too many others the pain and suffering of trauma or even childhood abuse has endured long into adulthood. Nostalgia may be a painful reminder of the love and support some never received. During my time in the field of mental health, I have helped individuals cope with unfathomable grief, establish healthy boundaries in dysfunctional family relationships, and overcome abuse inflicted more often than not by a family member. If the holidays were difficult, frightening or sad during childhood, individuals can easily be triggered by the sights and sounds of the season even as an adult. Here are some ideas for dealing with the holiday blues, as we walk through this season: Suggestions for surviving the holiday blues Time for self-care by means of exercise, adequate rest and nutrition, and engaging in creative outlets. Be aware of your triggers, remind yourself it is just a trigger, it will pass, then practice healthy coping strategies. Create new traditions. Prioritize your emotional health. Surround yourself with the people who matter to you. Express and set healthy boundaries with family members. Give yourself permission to say “no” and to leave events when feeling overwhelmed. Author: Cindy Rose, LPC Candidate. Cindy is a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

by Kay Gackle, LMFT As we enter the Holiday Season, full of family gatherings, activities and parties, we anticipate times of celebration with family and friends. For many, this can be a sweet time filled with joy and laughter, and for others of us, it can be a stark reminder of loss: Loss of a loved one, loss of a future that is now so different from we thought it would be, loss of a relationship, loss of a job - there are many types of loss. You know what the grieving entails and heading into it all seems overwhelming. Loss is the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of great value. And more often a loss is compounded by other losses that are related. For instance, perhaps you recently were divorced, and now this holiday season you have to navigate splitting up the children for the holidays, dealing with financial strains, being a new place, and setting up new traditions. The divorce maybe the primary loss, but, its the continual secondary losses that are also present. Or, perhaps a loved one has died, and this season you are facing all the firsts without that person. You are unsure what this time of year will look like or feel like without that loved one. Perhaps they have been gone for a few years already and you know how hard this time of year can be for you. You know what the grieving entails and heading into it all seems overwhelming. For me, I lost my mom 2 years ago. I have already been through the year of firsts, but each holiday season brings a reminder of her absence. When we eat the traditional Christmas morning breakfast, it’s a reminder that she wasn’t there to cook it this year; when my kids open their gifts, Lili (what they called my mom) isn’t there to sit with them; and Christmas Eve celebrations are hosted by my sister now instead of us gathering at my mom’s house. I know this will all happen without her again this year, and yet I will still grieve. Grieving is hard. Heading into the season with some understanding about grief can help to manage the losses we are experiencing and better equip us to know what to do in facing it. Acknowledging the loss and self-care are ways we can do this during the holidays. Acknowledge the loss This might sound obvious, but it is important to acknowledge the loss, how our life has changed, and how we have changed. We acknowledge our feelings about the loss both in the present and the future. How is it affecting us today and this year? In what ways will it impact our future? Sometimes it is the unknown that can cause the most suffering during the holidays. Acknowledging all that surrounds the loss can help us manage it and face it. Provide Self-Care Self-care during this time is also very important. Maybe others around you have not suffered the same loss directly; or perhaps there are some that have, yet they are grieving differently. Not everyone grieves in the same way or at the same time. Since grieving is a unique experience, it is important to take the time you need to process the loss. This can look like giving yourself some time that is set aside, whether it’s 10 min or a few hours, to focus on the loss during the business of the holidays. Remember, people may not always understand our needs at those moments. That’s okay. We can have the courage to do what we need to do for our journey and offer others that same grace and space as well. Author: Kay Gackle, LMFT.Kay is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the State of Oklahoma and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

By Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT There was a time in my life where the word “forgiveness” was a four letter word. Just hearing the word “forgiveness” struck the deepest cords of anger and hurt. How do you wrap your mind around something that seems nearly unforgivable? As a therapist, I have seen so much hurt and anger coming from wounds inflicted by others, by loss, and often by a series of difficult circumstances. But, this time the pain was mine, and it was deep, and it was personal. It caused ripples in every area of my life including severing key relationships in my life. At times it felt like I was like walking headfirst into a blizzard, blindly: Each step taking my breath away, as I walked into uncertainty. But, each step I didn’t take could lead to certain death. Have you felt this kind of pain? Or maybe it’s a different kind of pain? Have you suffered through difficult circumstances, losses or even ongoing painful relationships? Many of those get amplified during the Holidays, with each commercial for a Holiday meal reminding you of what you don’t have. Or the very mention of family gatherings or gift giving, can bring anxiety, stress, or in the case of lost loved ones, gut-wrenching pain. As our family walked through these dark hours, I began to carry around a new bag, stuffed with emotions that typically weren’t mine to carry. One of the most profound was “anger.” It was the kind of anger that looked more like hate and it ate away at me. This was pain deeper than I had ever imagined, leaving me in circumstances that were unfamiliar and a future I feared more than hoped for. This “bag” was heavy and I knew it would define me if I allowed it to. I also realized that I could shove that bag behind some stuff in a “closet” of unaddressed emotions and try to forget about it and just move forward. But this bag was big, and it was toxic. And, it wasn’t going anywhere, if I didn’t do something about it myself. Moving forward was so hard. I recalled the words of Mother Teresa, “You don’t know God is all you need, until He’s all you’ve got.” We’d lost so much, but I still had my husband and two kids, so as best as I could, I tried to believe her. I grabbed on her words like a lifeline, trying to move forward, watching pieces begin to fall together as we rebuilt our lives. Slowly, I began to step into “hope,” but I still had that “bag of emotions” tucked safely inside of the “closet.” But what I realized was that the word “forgiveness” is actually quite powerful, because each time I heard it, that “bag of emotions” would come tumbling out of the closet and spill itself all over the floor, leaving me raw, overwhelmed and angry. The word “forgiveness” actually stopped me in my tracks and showed me exactly where I was in my own healing. As a therapist, I knew I couldn’t stay here. Because typically a word like forgiveness doesn’t trigger anger. I was challenged by someone to write letters that I would never send, to those who hurt me and my family, I pushed through the walls of anger and exposed raw pain that the anger had covered up, blocking me from my own healing. It was hard and I worked through grief I didn’t expect. But, I also learned several things: I could get through it. God is enough. There is actual freedom on the other side. I had to go through all of the stages of grief to experience that freedom, and any pit stop in the areas of anger/blame/resentment, or bargaining/guilt/codependency, or denial in any form would only serve to block me from dealing with the pain. Dealing with pain, was exactly what led to my own recovery. Forgiveness came naturally for the first time, after I allowed myself to go into the dark places of my pain. And, I will never forget a lady named “Leslie” who walked through this painstaking journey with me. In the Bible, Jesus says to forgive not 7 times, but 70x7. I always believed that this symbolized a type of forgiveness that knew no limits; but, I also wonder if perhaps Jesus says this because He understood that real forgiveness might be a process? But, it also says to forgive as we have been forgiven, as an essential to being made right with God. And, it isn’t just asked in the Christian Faith, it’s expected. So, out of obedience, we step into it, 70x7, until it isn’t just words or a behavior: it is a true heart change, and includes the healing and freedom that we desire. So, if you will bear with me, a few more thoughts on forgiveness. I’ve had the honor of walking through this process with people who have had great difficulty in forgiving themselves for something. I want to remind you of the power of forgiving yourself. We are all human. We all make mistakes and decisions that we wish we could re-write. But, I want to offer to you that if you can hang in there through the guilt, shame and repentances that may need to be made, you may truly have an opportunity to experience God’s love and forgiveness on a greater level than you ever imagined. In the Bible there was the story of the prostitute who was about to be stoned to death by religious others, and met Jesus in the context of a profound, short, but life-changing conversation. (John 8:1-11) The religious teachers and Pharisees asked Jesus if they should “stone” her as Moses had indicated. Jesus drew something in the sand and then stood and said, “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” Each realizing they too had fallen short in various ways, dropped their stones and walked away. Here is the pivotal piece: Jesus then says to her, “Where are your accusers?” She says, “No one, Lord.” She looked up, out of fear and shame, and meet Jesus, eye to eye. I believe He asked her to look up, to see He had seen her, protected her, and forgave her. Then He says, “Then neither do I condemn. Go no more in sin.” He is relational. He forgives. He gives new beginnings. He calls us to greater things. We are loved. Not because of what we do, but because of who He is. Forgiveness is such a complex concept that no article could ever do it justice. I don’t know that it is ours to impose the act of forgiveness on another, but, the answer to this question often helps us to gauge where we are in our own healing process. And, the emotions that are revealed often act as the guide. Surely, forgiving another is a blessing that can be beyond comprehension, for the forgiven. But this article was actually written for the broken-hearted, struggling to forgive. I told you of the bag of emotions that blocked my own healing for a time... So, tell me, what’s in your bag? - Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT is a Staff Therapist at TLCC

By Tiffany Fuller, LMFT This is our second in a series of 2 articles on “Gratitude.” Gratitude is not minimizing or denying. It is not pretending. According to Robert Emmons (2010), gratitude has two components-identifying the good (affirmation) and recognizing that the source of that good is outside you.Gratitude shifts the lens of attention to notice and appreciate goodness in the every day - the taste of your morning cup of coffee or maybe the warmth of the cashier’s smile as she wishes you a nice day. These small acts of kindness and moments of pleasure are easy to overlook. It takes practice to tune in, to “hold” the goodness for long enough it makes an impact. Current neuroscience research tells us that our brains encode negative experience into memory quickly (take a moment and think of a frustrating conversation you’ve had recently….probably not that difficult.) However, encoding positive memories is tricky. Implicit memory systems act like Teflon, allowing the good to slide off- unless we practice turning the fact of something good into an embodied experience. Unless we sit with our awareness of the good, taking it in with our senses long enough that it moves from short to long-term memory (Hanson, 2013, p.25-27). Fortunately, it only takes 20 seconds of tuning in - of engaging our attention with sights, smells, sounds, textures and even our emotional response to whatever “good” we are experiencing- and we’ve created a new neural pathway. A road that can develop into a mental superhighway that moves us towards contentment and wellness, with a little practice. A gratitude practice also helps to change internal dialogue. The background noise of complaint that often runs on auto-pilot…”why are they driving so slow, I mean who goes BELOW the speed limit ?!?” is halted by the influx of a new vocabulary:The language of wonder (those little “wow! moments” you’ve practiced noticing throughout the day). Maybe you’re more aware of a colleague’s graceful response in a tense meeting (or your own!), or you appreciate a teammate’s differing perspective, or maybe that gnarled old tree at the end of the block is no longer an eyesore, but a marvel of flexibility and strength enduring winds of change. The mundane can become a pathway to a deeper experience of connection and aliveness as we build the gratitude muscle. When you engage your attention to notice the good, and sit with it, your experience changes. For me, it looks like this. Instead of flying by that moment when my teenage son hugged me before he left for school, I took 20-30 seconds to stay in the moment. I noticed how happy I felt as he smiled at me. I breathed in the combination scent of clean shower and sleepy-boy. I felt the weight of his almost 6’3’’ frame as he bent and rested against me. I was aware of my thoughts,“how quickly time passes” and “I’m so glad I’m his mom”. My body felt relaxed, peaceful yet energized as I soaked in all the goodness. I connected with how thankful I was for this moment with my son. This normal everyday moment that held so much richness, when I paused long enough to be fully aware of it. Practicing gratitude helps shift perspective. The more I notice and am thankful for the good, the more goodness I perceive-even in moments that seem, frankly, not so good. It has become an essential part of self-care, and a wellspring to draw from when life gets challenging. Benefits of Gratitude: Resilience Increase in experience of positive emotion; greater joy, pleasure More alert, awake Stronger immune system Decrease in blood pressure Better sleep Feel less isolated Increase in compassion, forgiveness (Emmons, 2010) Tips to begin: Write down 3-5 things you are grateful for each day for a month (notice any changes in experience-thoughts, feelings, perspective, mood, behavior etc.) Practice tuning-in to the good for 20 seconds-engage as many senses as possible Write a note by hand and express gratitude for someone else- a quality you appreciate, or an action that touched you. Prayers of thanksgiving Resources Emmons, R. (2007). Thanks! How the new science of gratitude can make you happier. New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Emmons, R. (2010, November 16). Why gratitude is good. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness. New York: Harmony. Author: Tiffany Fuller, LMFT.Tiffany is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the State of Oklahoma and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

TLCC offers trainings, CEUs and networking opportunities to it’s staff members and extends these opportunities to those in the counseling community, as well. This past month we met with an Outreach Manager from the Amen Clinics, in Dallas, and, we enjoyed an informative training from Dr. Robert Spencer, from The Fatigue Center, here in Edmond. Please see an overview of each, to determine if you, or someone you know might benefit from their services. Fixing Fatigue May Help Fight Depression, Robert Spencer, MD Depression and Fatigue are closely related. While they are not specific to each other, people who are depressed are 2-3 times more likely to experience fatigue. Fatigue, especially symptoms of insomnia and poor concentration, are strong predictors of depression. Residual fatigue in depression not only contributes to quality-of-life deterioration, but also appears to be a major risk factor for long-term depression and relapse. Numerous studies show that correcting hormones, thyroid, vitamin levels, food allergies, sleep, leaky gut, anemia and obesity can have positive effects on depression and it’s symptoms. Heavy metals, viruses and other environmental contaminants can also play a role in depression. I‘d like to introduce myself. My name is Robert Spencer, MD, and in 2014, I became ill. I developed extreme shortness of breath, fatigue, rashes, depression and fibromyalgia-type symptoms. Immediately, I started on an SSRI, prior to researching other possible causes. My body did not react well to the antidepressant. Six months later I was found to have Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, low magnesium, low testosterone and low vitamin D levels. My food allergies became intolerable. Over the next eight years, I spent time researching how to fight fatigue and make myself feel better. All this research led to the opening of our clinic, The Fatigue Center, in October of 2022. We are located in Edmond, OK at 18th and Kelly. Our clinic evaluates hydration status, sleep patterns, environmental allergies, food allergies and nutritional value of current diet. We also review chronic illnesses and medications that may be adding to fatigue, screen for depression, evaluate any antidepressant and the patient’s reaction to that medication. We screen for rheumatic disease, hormonal issues, thyroid issues, undiagnosed infectious diseases, chronic fatigue syndrome, adrenal fatigue, anemia, electrolyte abnormalities, tick-borne illnesses, heavy metals, inflammation, vitamin deficiencies, bowel/absorption issues and more. If you or a loved one is suffering from depression and fatigue, please give us a call at (405) 849-9772 or message us at info@fatiguecenter.com . Dr. Robert Spencer, works at the Fatigue Center, in Edmond, OK. Amen Clinics Members of TLCC Staff recently met with Shelli King, a clinic outreach manager from the Amen Clinics, to hear more about services that can benefit our clients here at Transforming Life Counseling Center. The Amen Clinics is one of the world leaders in applying brain imaging science and various therapies to help people heal from emotional and psychiatric disorders; behavioral challenges, such as, addictions, weight control; cognitive problems, such as Alzheimer’s/Dementia; and, learning challenges, such as ADHD, to name a few. “The Amen Clinics Method is a multi-modal approach to treatment that uncovers the root cause of our patient’s issues or challenges that are not discovered by traditional psychiatry. We believe it is critical to look at your brain within the context of your life, which includes biological, psychological, social, and spiritual influences. We use brain SPECT imaging, which measures blood flow and activity in the brain to help us more accurately diagnose and treat your needs. A full valuation includes two brain SPECT imaging studies. One study is done while at rest and the second after a concentration task is given. We provide our patients with a personalized treatment plan that is specific to their individual needs. We take a unique brain-body approach to treatment to heal the underlying issues that cause symptoms. We believe in using the least toxic, most effective solutions. However, when medication is necessary, it is prescribed as part of a complete treatment program. It is all customized to support our client’s specific brain type.” For more information about the Amen Clinics and the types of services available for you or a loved one, please visit www.amenclinics.com or call 1-855-400-4207.

Transforming Life Counseling Center is pleased to bring quality therapists in to support the counseling needs of our community. We welcome our three newest Staff Members: Derek Colvin, LPC, Roberta Heath, LMFT, and Victoria Scoville, LCSW. They join our team of licensed counselors, each bringing in new areas of training and can bill a variety of insurance panels. Their bios are below and online. In addition to our licensed staff, TLCC also has pre-licensed candidates and interns receive supervision by our therapists and can offer lower fees in an effort to support clients needing therapy at a lower cost. For more information about our therapists, insurances we take and fees, our phone number is (405)246-5433.