Articles from TLCC

TLCC wishing you a Merry Christmas

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 15:18:59 GMT

2025 has been another year filled with joy, growth, and meaningful service as Transforming Life Counseling Center continues its mission to support the mental health needs of our community. With a dedicated team of 19 therapists, TLCC is honored to walk alongside individuals and families facing a wide variety of challenges. We count it a true blessing to be trusted with your care and to play a role in strengthening the well-being of our community.

As we reflect on this year, our hearts are full of gratitude—for your support, your courage, and the opportunity to make a difference together.

From all of us at TLCC, we wish you a very Merry Christmas and a joyful, peaceful holiday season. May the coming year bring hope, healing, and continued connection.

Celebrating Caleb Scoville and Our Partnership with the Hough Ear Institute

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 15:18:57 GMT

We want to extend our heartfelt congratulations to one of our esteemed therapists, Caleb Scoville, MS, LPC . On Thursday, November 13th, the Hough Ear Institute (HEI) held its annual Awards Gala, where Caleb was honored with the Elevate Award for his outstanding collaboration with HEI and his dedicated facilitation of the Tinnitus Support Group over the past two years.

Transforming Life Counseling Center is grateful for our continued partnership with the Hough Ear Institute. We are honored to provide a home for the Tinnitus Support Group throughout 2025 and look forward to supporting this meaningful work in the coming year. The group offers both in-person and virtual options, expanding access to individuals across the country. TLCC sincerely thanks the Hough Ear Institute—not only have we been privileged to help facilitate this group, but we have also been deeply blessed by the connections formed and the resilience of the individuals we have met through it.

The Hough Ear Institute , located in Oklahoma City, is responsible for groundbreaking research, education, and humanitarian efforts in the field of hearing and overall wellness. Our metro community is truly fortunate to have such innovative and life-changing work happening right here at home. One key area of HEI’s research is the management and treatment of tinnitus. Individuals living with tinnitus often experience cognitive, emotional, and behavioral challenges, including persistent ringing or buzzing in one or both ears. These symptoms can lead to significant distress, anxiety, and depression, especially when combined with life stressors, underlying medical conditions, or repeated exposure to loud noise.

For the past two years, HEI has hosted a Tinnitus Support Group, providing a compassionate space for those affected to gather, share experiences, and uplift one another. We are honored to continue supporting this vital resource.

For more information—or to donate to this worthy and life-changing cause—please visit Hough Ear Institute .

To join or share details about the Tinnitus Support Group, visit Tinnitus Support Group or call (405) 246-5433 for more information.

PRIME Yourself for the Holiday Season

Sun, 30 Nov 2025 15:17:46 GMT

By Corey DeGiacomo, LMFT-Candidate

It’s that time of year! The season when stress runs high as the year wraps up, presents need to be purchased, food needs to be prepared, and gatherings start filling the calendar. With all of this happening at once, many people find themselves navigating difficult emotions—especially when heading into holiday events that may already feel overwhelming. So it might be helpful to talk about how to prime yourself for this time of year.

No—this is not an ad for Amazon Prime. I’m talking about a different kind of “prime.” Specifically, I’m talking about the acronym P.R.I.M.E. , a helpful mnemonic device developed by Marc Brackett, a well-known researcher on emotional regulation. He offers P.R.I.M.E. as a way to help you conceptualize, on a broad scale, how to support healthy emotional regulation. So let’s dive in.

What Does P.R.I.M.E. Stand For?

When it comes to regulating our emotions, it’s important to approach things from multiple angles. There isn’t one single strategy that will solve every negative emotional experience.

P – Prevent the negative emotional experience.
It’s most effective to start before strong negative emotions emerge. Think about what you can put in place ahead of time to reduce or soften difficult feelings.

R – Reduce the negative emotional experience.
Negative emotions will still happen, even when we’ve tried to prevent them. That’s why it’s essential to have strategies ready for when those feelings inevitably arise.

I – Initiate a more desired emotional experience.
Sometimes reducing a feeling isn’t enough. At times, we need to intentionally create a more positive or tolerable emotional experience. This means identifying what you want to feel and taking steps to move toward it.

M – Maintain the more desirable emotional experience.
Once a positive emotional experience has been initiated, do what you can to keep it going and prevent negative emotions from overtaking it.

E – Enhance the desirable emotional experience.
This means adding to the positive feeling to make it richer and more robust—not just stable, but thriving.

How to Apply P.R.I.M.E. When You’re Heading Into a Stressful Holiday Gathering

Let’s walk through the acronym step-by-step using one familiar scenario: attending a holiday gathering you know will be stressful. Maybe there’s a difficult family dynamic, an overwhelming environment, or simply too many expectations.

Prevent.
Before you even step into the gathering, focus on prevention. Prioritize sleep the night before, eat a balanced meal beforehand, and give yourself extra time to get ready so you’re not rushing in an already tense situation.
You can also mentally prepare by thinking through what might be stressful and planning around it. For example, set boundaries about how long you’ll stay or decide ahead of time which topics you won’t engage in. Prevention is about reducing the emotional load before it builds.

Reduce.
Once you’re in the gathering, stress may still arise—and that’s okay. Reduction strategies help you manage those moments. If you feel overwhelmed, take a brief walk outside or step into a quieter room to breathe. You might use grounding or mindfulness techniques to acknowledge the discomfort without judging it.

Another reduction strategy is seeking out someone who helps you feel calmer or more supported. A short, positive interaction can lower the intensity of your emotions.

Initiate .
After you’ve reduced the distress, you can intentionally initiate a more desired emotional experience. This might involve shifting your focus to something pleasant, like enjoying a favorite dish, engaging in a lighthearted conversation, or noticing moments of warmth or humor in the room.

Think about what emotion you want to feel, maybe gratitude, curiosity, or connection, and choose one small action that moves you toward it.

Maintain.
Once you’ve cultivated a more positive emotional state, do what you can to maintain it. You might avoid conversations that traditionally don’t go well, or keep physically close to people who help you stay grounded. You may even give yourself permission to leave early to protect your wellbeing.

Maintenance is about preserving the emotional gains you’ve already made.

Enhance.
If you’re feeling relatively stable and positive, you can take steps to enhance that experience. This could mean deepening a meaningful conversation, offering help in the kitchen to feel more of service, or intentionally verbalizing with others the moments of warmth or humor that you see around you.

Enhancing is about letting the good expand rather than merely survive.

Take a moment to P.R.I.M.E. yourself before your next holiday gathering and see whether you notice a difference in how you feel.

To learn more, check out Marc Brackett’s book Dealing with Feeling: Use Your Emotions to Create the Life You Want.

Corey DeGiacomo, LMFT-C is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Getting in the Holiday Spirit by Giving

Sat, 29 Nov 2025 15:26:25 GMT

By Kevin Tutty, LPC

If you have children, you know how easy it is to find Christmas centered around your kids. When I was single, I wondered why everyone became so busy this time of year. In a self-indulged world, marketing is designed to focus us on ourselves: It can be hard to focus on others. It wasn’t until I had a family that saw just how busy this time of year is!

The Holidays are also a time of year when depression rises. I heard a pastor once say if you don’t want to feel a certain way, do something to take your mind off of how you are feeling. One great way to do this is to look for opportunities to help someone in need. For example, if you feel isolated, volunteer at a church, food bank, or other entity that helps others. This time of year is an excellent time to volunteer, as there is a greater need for volunteers in the non-profits that serve the people in our community. It is also a great way for a family to engage in a fun activity together, while helping those in need.

I am convinced that once “the volunteer bug” gets someone, they will not need a reason to help others, as they will want to find opportunities to do that. This happened to me on a mission trip once and I wanted to return to the mission field the next chance I had to go. We are blessed by giving to others.

When giving to those in need there is a distinction between two easily misinterpreted terms: sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is more self-focused: We get this feeling when we “feel” badly for someone in a difficult situation. On the other hand, we feel empathy when we are able to put ourselves in another’s place and see things from their perspective. When we empathize with another, our efforts are focused on the other person. The other person is validated because we are looking at things from their point of view, and understand their person’s situation or perspective. Volunteering is a great way to develop empathy, especially for those who are focused on their own wants and desires.

Back to volunteering though, be prepared to get some resistance initially when proposing the idea of volunteering, especially if your kids are not used to it. Once you go, try to make it as fun as possible, scheduling a fun activity the family can engage in together along with the volunteer effort. Then, process the volunteer effort over dinner and see what other types of volunteering would be of interest to them next.

There are a number of local agencies that would be good opportunities to volunteer. Here are just a few to get started:

Regional Food Bank (12 and older): 405-972-11111

EARC Thrift Store (Downtown Edmond): 405-285-7658

(South Edmond): 405-348-6502

Hope Center (Edmond): 405-348-4680

Local churches can connect you to volunteer opportunities

The City Rescue Mission in Downtown Oklahoma City (405-232-2709) offers groups a great opportunity to get a tour of the facility as well as serving the homeless.

The Christmas and Holiday Season is such a fun time, with many activities and opportunities to serve others. We are truly more blessed when we are serving others!

Kevin Tutty is a Licensed Practical Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Navigating Holiday Stress and Finding Peace

Fri, 28 Nov 2025 15:17:26 GMT

By Caleb Scoville, LPC

The holiday season can be a time of joy, tenderness, and emotional complexity. For many, it brings a mix of celebration and strain. Holiday stress can emerge in numerous ways—family gatherings may reignite old conflicts or highlight strained relationships, and the pressure to create “perfect” moments often clashes with reality. Financial expectations surrounding gift-giving can add another layer of burden. For those who have lost loved ones or live far from family, the season may amplify feelings of loneliness. Even the shorter days and disrupted routines can trigger or worsen symptoms of anxiety and depression.

The key to navigating holiday stress is not trying to eliminate every challenge but developing healthy, intentional strategies that support both your mental and physical well-being.

Move Your Body

Exercise is one of the most effective tools available for managing stress. Physical activity releases endorphins, lowers cortisol, and improves sleep—three powerful protectors against anxiety and depression. In the busy holiday season, maintaining movement becomes even more important.

Many underestimate the power of exercise. I often describe it this way: If the benefits of exercise could be bottled into a pill and placed on store shelves, they would sell out instantly.

The good news is that movement doesn’t have to be complicated. A brisk 20-minute walk, a short yoga session, or even dancing to holiday music in the kitchen can provide meaningful benefits. Treat movement as a non-negotiable form of self-care—schedule it as you would any appointment and guard that time intentionally.

Nourish Wisely

Holiday gatherings often center around rich, indulgent foods. While enjoying seasonal treats is part of the celebration, nourishing your body well helps stabilize your mood and energy.

Try to incorporate protein, complex carbohydrates, and vegetables into your meals, and stay hydrated, dehydration alone can intensify anxiety. Limit alcohol, as it may temporarily soothe stress but ultimately disrupts sleep and worsens low mood. Think of nutrition not just as fuel for your body but as support for your emotional resilience.

Practice Mindfulness

When holiday chaos begins to feel overwhelming, mindfulness can help bring you back to the present. Even a few simple practices can make a significant difference.

Use grounding strategies like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique , identifying sensory details around you to calm the nervous system. Practice slow, intentional breathing before difficult family interactions. Spend a few minutes each morning in quiet reflection, prayer, or meditation.

Like any skill, mindfulness strengthens with practice. Just as you wouldn’t run a marathon without training, you cannot fully access the calming power of deep breathing without practicing it beforehand.

Connect Intentionally

Even during a season centered on togetherness, loneliness can reach its peak. Combat isolation by creating meaningful, intentional connections.

If large gatherings feel overwhelming, set boundaries around the amount of time you stay or topics you’re willing to discuss. Seek out supportive friends, join a local volunteer opportunity, or participate in a support group—either in person or online. Remember: quality connection matters more than quantity. One genuine conversation can be far more nourishing than a dozen surface-level interactions.

Give Yourself Grace

Perhaps the most powerful strategy of all is self-compassion. The holidays do not need to be perfect. You are not required to attend every event, give extravagant gifts, or maintain constant cheer. It is okay to feel tired, sad, overwhelmed, or ambivalent. Your emotions are valid.

By integrating movement, nutrition, mindfulness, and intentional connection, you’re not just surviving the season—you’re building habits of resilience that can carry you long after the holidays fade.

Additional Helpful Tips

Use compassionate language to acknowledge what hurts and check in with yourself regularly.
Be flexible and create a plan for the harder days. Give yourself mental preparation time for gatherings, difficult questions, or significant anniversaries.
Establish small yet meaningful rituals that honor your emotions.
Seek support when navigating complicated family dynamics or painful seasons.
Maintain healthy boundaries in all relationships.
Practice gratitude—even in hardship. Finding one thing to be thankful for can shift your perspective.
Supporting others who are struggling can also bring comfort, hope, and meaning to your own journey.
Keep perspective. Difficult seasons do not last forever—better days will come.

I personally hold onto these truths because they remind us that our suffering can be transformed into compassion, allowing us to walk alongside others with empathy and strength.

Scripture provides guidance and hope, helping us find purpose during difficult times. Below are two verses that are a great starting point for comfort and hope during difficult seasons.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
— 2 Corinthians 1:3–4

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen,
since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
— 2 Corinthians 4:17– 18

 Caleb Scoville is a Licensed Practical Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Thu, 27 Nov 2025 15:17:13 GMT

Transforming Life Counseling Center is pleased to continue to expand our team of quality therapists with the addition of a new team member. We welcome our newest member: Necco Gill, Licensed Professional Counselor. This therapist supports TLCC in continuing to support the vast counseling needs of our community and brings new areas of training. For more information on her expertise and training, you can find her bio below and on our website.

In addition to our licensed staff, TLCC also has pre-licensed candidates who receive supervision by our therapists and can offer lower fees in an effort to support clients needing therapy at a lower cost.

For more information about our therapists, insurances we take and fees, our phone number is (405) 246-5433

Necco Gill, LPC

Necco is a Licensed Professional Counselor who holds a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology from Southern Nazarene University, OK.

Necco is passionate about walking with individuals on their journey toward healing, growth, and wholeness—mind, body, and spirit. She creates a safe and supportive space where clients can explore their stories, process challenges, and discover new ways of living with peace and authenticity. Her approach is client-centered and evidence-based, with the option of Christian faith integration for those who desire it.

With training in EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS), Necco specializes in helping adults navigate trauma, identity concerns, depression, burnout, and life transitions. She believes therapy should bring real, lasting change that is felt not only in the counseling room but also in the everyday moments of life.

Grounded in compassion and authenticity, Necco considers it an honor to walk alongside clients as they heal, grow, and move toward transformation and renewal.

Insurance accepted: BCBS, United Healthcare, Health Choice, SoonerCare, and pending Tricare.

Strengthening Our Community Through Education: A Year of Learning at TLCC

Wed, 26 Nov 2025 15:16:32 GMT

Transforming Life Counseling Center is grateful for the ongoing opportunity to offer trainings and CEUs to our staff, as well as extend these learning experiences to professionals throughout the counseling community. Over the past year, TLCC welcomed a variety of treatment centers and providers who shared their expertise on mental health topics that enriched our knowledge and expanded our resource network—allowing us to better serve our clients and community.

Below is an overview of each organization we learned from. We hope these summaries help you determine whether you, or someone you know, might benefit from their services.

Banister Nutrition

We had the pleasure of hearing from Carol Banister , owner and founder of Banister Nutrition—an innovative nutrition consulting practice composed of caring, highly trained dietitians. Banister Nutrition offers a safe, supportive environment where questions are welcomed, curiosity leads to understanding, and unhelpful thoughts are gently challenged to foster positive change. Located in Oklahoma City, they provide personalized guidance to help individuals become healthier, stronger, and more confident.

For more information, see: Banister Nutrition.

Edmond Psychiatric Associates

Dr. Jennifer Morris presented on the vital role of psychotherapeutic medication and how it can support clients in conjunction with psychotherapy. In addition to providing exceptional psychiatric care, Dr. Morris’ office is conveniently located directly across the street from TLCC, making collaboration seamless for shared clients.

For more information, see: Edmond Psychiatric Associates.

Green Shoe Foundation

We were grateful to hear from Teresa Deck, LPC , who offered a thoughtful presentation on understanding and working with shame in the therapeutic process. Attendees also learned more about Green Shoe Foundation’s Guthrie campus and the life-changing experiences offered through their intensive program.

For more information, see: Green Shoe .

Trinity Exercise Studio

Brian and Kary Ott shared powerful insights on the connection between physical movement and mental well-being. Their presentation emphasized how exercise serves as a vital component of overall emotional health.

For more information, see: Trinity Exercise Studio.

Rob’s Ranch Recovery

We participated in an informative CEU training led by Kenzie Lyon of Rob’s Ranch Recovery, covering the services available through their Edmond location as well as other sites across the state. Their program continues to make a meaningful impact on individuals seeking recovery.

For more information, see: Rob’s Ranch Recovery.

Audiologists Dr. Suzanne Kimball and Dr. Morgan Dyer

Drs. Suzanne Kimball and Morgan Dyer provided an excellent training on the link between hearing health, mental health, and cognitive functioning. Their presentation highlighted the importance of early intervention and the interconnectedness of emotional and auditory wellness.

For more information, see: Suzanne Kimball.

Additional Community Partners

Acadia Healthcare — Presented by Wendy Chappa

Acadia Healthcare offers comprehensive psychiatric and chemical dependency services across multiple settings—including inpatient hospitals, residential treatment centers, outpatient clinics, and school-based programs. With locations across the U.S., Acadia provides a wide range of mental health and substance use treatment options.

For more information, see: Acadia Healthcare.

Fullbrook Center — Presented by Cynthia Jeffery

The Fullbrook Center is a clinician-owned, women-only residential treatment facility specializing in trauma, substance abuse, and mental health recovery. Founded by Josh and Jessica Slay, their program combines clinical expertise and compassionate care to offer a unique, boutique-style treatment experience. They are the only women’s-only, in-network, ASAM-accredited trauma and substance abuse facility of their kind in Texas.

For more information, see: Fullbrook Center.

Ducks and Budgets

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 15:15:07 GMT

By Corey DeGiacomo, MS, LMFT-Candidate

A Duck Metaphor for Understanding Anxiety

Have you ever watched a duck swimming on a pond?

Picture it: the calm, glass-like surface of the water, gently broken by the soft, rounded body of a mallard drake. You see the V-shaped ripple trailing behind the waterfowl as his iridescent green-blue head surveys the scene in serenity. The duck appears calm and at peace.

But not all of the duck is visible.

Beneath the water’s surface are two webbed feet—its motor and stabilizer—paddling furiously. These feet operate at different speeds, fast or slow, to keep the duck balanced and moving. On the outside: stillness. Underneath: constant motion.

This metaphor offers a powerful way to understand one particular way that anxiety can be experienced by people. Outwardly, someone experiencing anxiety might seem calm, quiet, or even detached. Their stillness becomes a blank canvas on which others project assumptions, such as aloof, chill, disinterested, or lazy.

Beneath that composed exterior, however, there may be a storm of activity, maybe it is helpful to think of it as hidden.

Someone with hidden anxiety might be:

Overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts
Replaying conversations repeatedly
Regretting what they said—or didn’t say
Dreading future tasks or interactions
Feeling guilty for not meeting expectations
Emotionally exhausted from trying to seem “okay"

They may appear fine, but internally, they're working incredibly hard just to keep afloat.

For those who don’t often struggle with anxiety, it can be easy to assume someone isn’t trying hard enough or simply doesn’t care. But that interpretation can lead to miscommunication and hurt.

On the other hand, those familiar with anxiety may feel frustrated, guilty, or powerless—wanting to show up differently in the world, but feeling stuck in patterns they feel they have no control over.

It might be best to consider another metaphor for understanding this experience of anxiety, the “body budget.”

The "Body Budget" Explained: How Anxiety Drains Mental Energy

I first encountered the term "body budget" in neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett’s work on emotions. She describes how the brain manages energy like a financial budget—predicting energy needs, allocating resources, and cutting back where necessary. This includes its own needs. After all, our thoughts are in our brain and our brain is in our body.

When someone is experiencing anxiety, their mental energy is being consumed by intrusive thoughts and emotional stress. To conserve energy, the brain might reduce output in other areas, like:

Social engagement
Problem-solving
Empathy or attentiveness

This explains why someone with anxiety might struggle to “show up” in ways others expect. It’s not laziness—it’s energy depletion because a brain working in this way requires more energy than one not experiencing these things. Our thoughts are not just mental because mental activity requires physical energy.

The body budget model gives us not just understanding, but the opportunity for action.

It can be helpful to find ways to increase your energy supply such as prioritizing sleep, eating nourishing meals, taking breaks, and engaging in calming activities.

Also, it can be helpful to spend wisely by knowing your limits, being mindful of overcommitting, spacing out draining tasks or social events, and creating time to recharge between obligations.

Hopefully this way of thinking about this experience can help replace judgment with compassion—for others, and for yourself.

Final Thoughts: Pause and Consider the Cost of Anxiety

The next time you or someone else seems “off,” consider what may be happening beneath the surface. Like the duck gliding across the pond, people with anxiety often appear calm while working furiously underneath.

By understanding anxiety as a taxing, internal experience —one that draws heavily from a person’s actual physical resources—we can move away from assumptions and toward empathy.

So the when anxiety frustrates you—whether it bothers you or someone else—pause and consider the hidden cost .

Corey Degiacomo, LMFT-C, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist - Candidate and a clinical team member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

Source: Corey DeGiacomo
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De-stress this summer

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 14:59:47 GMT

By Courtney Reasoner, LPC

Summer is often a time of excitement and adventure but it can also create different stressors for your family. Here are some de-stressing tips for this summer to help everyone unwind, reconnect, and enjoy the season together.

Try to create a relaxed daily rhythm. Don’t over-schedule your days and be sure to leave room for downtime. Aim for a loose structure: Breakfast, outdoor time before it gets too hot, quiet rest, and evening fun! Let the kids help plan the week which can help give them a sense of control.

Schedule Screen-Free Time. Designate tech-free hours for reading, drawing/coloring, board games, or outdoor play. Use this time to model mindfulness – deep breathing, stretching, or journaling. Protect your family bonding time at dinner by designating it a tech-free time too.

Get outside every day. Nature is a proven stress reliever. Try evening walks, backyard picnics, or day trips to the park or hiking trail. Something as simple as watching the sunset each evening can be a relaxing family activity to unwind. Our family loves to stroll the Will Rogers Gardens to see the wildlife, flowers, and fairy homes throughout the park.

Take “mini getaways.” You don’t need a big vacation to make memories. Try a day at a local lake, plan a weekend camping trip, or have a “staycation” with a themed day (Hawaiian, spa, movie marathon). Relive old family vacations by recreating it at home.

Make sure to prioritize sleep. Summer fun can lead to late nights so aim to keep a consistent sleep routine. Use blackout curtains if it stays light late, and wind down with calming activities. Try to not let kids sleep in too late in the morning as it can negatively impact their sleep cycle.

Carve out one-on-one time with each child each week . Even 15 minutes of solo time with your child (or partner) can reduce stress and strengthen bonds. Let your child choose what you do for your special time. Find a project you can work on together. Put ideas into a jar and choose one each week to do with each other.

Eat nourishing, seasonal foods which can improve mood and reduce stress. Have kids help unload the groceries so they know what snacks are in the pantry. Keep meals simple by researching 30-minute meal ideas, one pan meals, crockpot meals, etc. Involve kids in prepping healthy meals such as getting out the ingredients for a recipe, washing/chopping the food, mixing the seasonings, etc. Try farmers market visits to turn grocery shopping into an outing.

Don’t forget to stay hydrated this summer. It’s easy to get dehydrated in the heat when you and your family are doing fun outdoor activities. Hydration is important for overall well-being, helping with mood regulation and cognitive function. Water breaks can help remind everyone to hydrate and choosing foods/snacks with high water content can be an easy way to replenish fluids.

Lower your expectations. It’s okay if not every day is magical. Know your limits and your kids’ tolerance levels for activities so that you can plan accordingly and not get overwhelmed. Focus on connection, not perfection. And remember, summer it just a season and soon the crisp fall air will be here!

Courtney Reasoner, LPC is a Licensed Practical Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Persevering During Difficult Times

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 14:47:03 GMT

By, Kay Gackle, LMFT

Persevering during tough times can be challenging. There are times of dealing with financial difficulties, or health issues, chronic stress and even grief and trauma. Here are 4 ways to help us persevere during those harder seasons in life:

1. Shorten the viewpoint

We adjust our race to short course running and not a marathon. Instead of looking out to the next year or few years, shorten the viewpoint. Maybe shorten it to just next month. From there, define what you want the next month to look like and identify some small, attainable goals that you can hit. Perhaps it’s reading a book, going for more walks or exercise, spending quality time with loved ones, or getting more regular sleep. Sometimes when we are feeling really depleted or fatigued, it can feel hard to be motivated. For instance, exercising might feel like it’s too much because in your mind that equals doing something intense for 30 minutes, but just walking around for 5 minutes can be a great way to start a new habit. If a new goal feels too overwhelming, shorten it up into even smaller actions.

2. Focus on being whole achievers instead of high achievers.

High achieving is a great thing, but often times in our pursuit of achievement, we can neglect some key areas of our life. There is one area that specifically tends to get neglected, and that is the spiritual area our life. Our relationship with God or our lack of relationship with God can impact every other area of our life. On whom we focus while we are persevering matters. This verse says we fix our eyes on Jesus and to consider Him, then the end of the verse gives us the why: “So that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” We need to stay connected to Jesus and the Word to really persevere well.

3. Zoom In and Out

In times of persevering, it’s helpful to live in a balanced perspective of zoom in and zoom out. If we think about a tree, it’s made up of many leaves. If we zoom in, each of those leaves have their own cells and parts that make up that leaf. If we zoom out, we see the bigger picture, the whole tree. Likewise, we each have different experiences: when we zoom in we can see how painful or hard those might have been, but when we zoom out we can see how we made it through, lessons we learned, joy we found after that, and resilience that was gained from it. Living in this balanced perspective of acknowledging how hard life might be right now and knowing this isn’t the end of the story, rather just another leaf in our full tree, will help us to persevere.

4. Laugh

There are many studies that show the benefits of laughing. In fact, the study of laughter is called gelotology. It uses multiple parts of the brain and because of that, laughing helps strengthens neural connections, reduces certain levels of stress hormones and improves your mood. It provides a physical outlet: it is estimated that laughing 100 times equals a full body workout of 10 minutes on a rowing machine! It also provides an emotional outlet: it is cathartic and can help us release our negative emotion as well.

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³ Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Heb. 12:1-3)

Kay Gackle, MS, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

From the Counselor’s Couch...

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 14:33:21 GMT

by, Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

I was working with a client one time who was particularly hard on themselves. It soon became evident that we needed to look at the internal voice they were listening to, aka their “Inner Critic”. Actually, I just lied, it wasn’t just one client or just one time. I honestly can’t begin to count the number of people that description applies to, myself, included.

The old saying that sometimes “we are our own worst enemy” absolutely applies here. No fancy psycho-babble words needed. Our inner critic is an all-too-common voice, that is often on overdrive, talking to us in ways that we would never talk to another person. And yet, we give this voice free airtime, to critique us all the way into insecurity, stress, perfectionism, anxiety, depression and worse.

Our inner critic is active when we are beating ourselves up, comparing ourselves to others, and focusing on the “never good enoughs”. When we obsess over our appearances, perfectionism, our finances, past mistakes or failures, this is that negative voice. When we ruminate on negative things people say and even on negative things in general, our inner critic may be running amuck, robbing us of enjoying the gifts in our lives and replacing it with a pressure cooker mindset, often with no release valve.

Why do we do this?

The role of the Inner Critic most often comes from the early voices we heard in childhood, and sometimes our childhood interpretations of these voices. It also can come from early traumas like abuse or bullies, or difficulties in school (socially, academically, and performance related). It then becomes a part of our own internal dialogue, initially developed to coach us and protect us from emotional, physical or psychological harm. It unconsciously monitors and evaluates us, to keep us “safe” or operating in a way that will keep us free from scrutiny (both from ourselves and others).

It’s important to note that being critical towards this inner critic won’t make it go away. Instead, we can learn to appreciate the protective mechanism this primitive psychological tool has served to keep us safe. But, we can also recognize that this critic isn’t necessarily helpful anymore. We don’t need it to keep us “in line.”

I am going to illustrate this point further through an observation made while working with a wise young girl that I worked with many years ago. (Changing some details to protect anonymity). She was an athlete and had played competitively in her team sport for nearly a decade. She was very hard on herself, having had some harsh coaches and parents on the sidelines. She found herself not performing as well as she thought she should be in the sport she had played since she was tiny. Contrast this with the individual sport that she picked up at the age of 12, where she was developing talent and skill incredibly quickly. I asked her about her coach and she said, “well, I don’t have a coach. I just watch videos and teach myself and, if I make a mistake, I try to learn and do better next time.” We discussed the different methods each of these two coaches used (the harsh one, versus the teaching style she’d developed). One clearly had a more positive impact on her psychologically and performance-wise

Along the road I have found a number of helpful tools in reigning in this Inner Critic:

Understand and appreciate the function of the critic, so that we can achieve the same goal through a more positive means. For example, try moving from critic to coach, as in the example above. Moving from a critic to a more objective, balanced “coach” mentality, can not only be more effective, but to quote another person I’ve talked to, it is like “being on our own team” or “having our own back”. A house divided can not stand, right?
Set internal boundaries, Just as we need to set external boundaries to protect ourselves, we often need to set internal boundaries with the critical inner voices in our heads. When you notice this voice starting up, remind yourself to stop and evaluate it. Challenge the validity of these thoughts. If they aren’t productive or accurate, set the internal boundary.
Serenity Prayer: A great way to challenge our negative voices is by running them through the first part of the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. If I can do something productive with these thoughts, great. Those thoughts can stay. If I can’t change something, I need to accept it without ruminating on the negative. Those things I can’t change, I can turn into a prayer or just try to learn to let go.
Self Compassion Replace the negative voices with encouraging self talk and gratitude to rewire our brain. Remember that the tongue has the power of life and death. It’s a Bible Verse. We can speak life and death externally, as well as internally.
Practice Gratitude Thinking about the things we are grateful for and focusing on our positive attributes not only balances out our negative thoughts, but it also regulates cortisol, reduces anxiety and stress, and can even help to trigger the release of dopamine and serotonin, which increase an overall sense of well-being.
Clinical Considerations – there are times when clinical symptoms / diagnoses’ like depression and anxiety can exacerbate the negative voices in our heads. It is wise to identify if this is happening and reach out to your doctor or a counselor to help with reducing these symptoms. Please feel free to call TLCC’s mainline at 405-246-5433, should you or a loved one need help.

Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Mon, 23 Jun 2025 14:21:01 GMT

Transforming Life Counseling Center is pleased to continue to expand our team of quality therapists with the addition of 3 new team members. We welcome our newest members: Lauren McKay, LMFT; Meagan Rickard, LPC-C; and Corey DeGiacomo, LMFT-C. These therapists support TLCC in continuing to support the vast counseling needs of our community and bring new areas of training. For more information on their expertise and training, you can find their bios below and on our website.

In addition to our licensed staff, TLCC also has pre-licensed candidates and interns who receive supervision by our therapists and can offer lower fees in an effort to support clients needing therapy at a lower cost.

For more information about our therapists, insurances we take and fees, our phone number is (405) 246-5433.

Lauren McKay, LMFT

My name is Lauren McKay and I am licensed Marital and Family Therapist (LMFT) with a Master of Science degree in Couples, Marriage, and Family Therapy from Texas Tech University and a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology from Oklahoma Christian University.

While my degree and my license are in marriage and family therapy, I facilitate therapy with individuals, couples, and families. I operate from a systemic perspective, meaning that I look at a person’s entire system when working to challenge problems in their life. I believe people are more than their challenges and low experiences. I believe every person is capable of creating change in their life. I have experience working with children, teens, and adults who struggle with depression, anxiety, ADHD, negative self esteem, trauma, substance abuse, relational problems, and other behavioral issues. I worked in the juvenile justice system in both Texas and Oklahoma for a combined 3 years which has given me a great passion for working with teenagers and young adults.

On a personal level, I am happily married to my best friend. We live in the Edmond area with our two dogs, Jedi and Flynn. In my spare time, I love to read, create new Spotify playlists, play pickleball, and try new food places!

Meagan Rickard, LPC Candidate

Meagan is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) Candidate, with a Master of Science in Counseling degree from Mid-America Christian University and a bachelor’s degree in psychology also from Mid-America Christian University. She has experience working with children, adolescents, and adults.

Meagan has a passion for working with children and their families to address many emotional and behavioral issues such as ADHD, anxiety, depression, oppositional defiance disorder, and trauma. As a therapist, Meagan has completed training in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), qualifying her for certification. Through the use of PCIT therapy, parents and children learn specific skills to help manage maladaptive behaviors, foster positive interactions, and strengthen the parent-child relationship.

Meagan’s goal for therapy is to create a non-judgmental environment where her clients and their families can explore their feelings and thoughts in a safe space. Through different therapeutic techniques such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Solution Focused Therapy and Person-Centered Therapy, clients are able to learn healthier coping skills, challenge irrational beliefs, and strengthen their interpersonal relationships.

Corey DeGiacomo, LMFT-C

Corey DeGiacomo is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Candidate (LMFT-C) with a Master of Science degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and a Bachelor degree with a minor in psychology from Oklahoma Baptist University. Corey also has training in Trauma Informed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TFCBT), Prepare/Enrich pre-marital counseling and level 1 Gottman Method for Couples therapy. Additionally, he draws from Emotional Focused Couples and Individual Therapy (EFCT/EFIT) and Narrative Therapy as he works with clients.

Corey has a special interest in working with marriages that are experiencing distress for a variety of reasons, individuals experiencing anxiety, compulsive or addictive behaviors and those dealing with big life struggles such as infertility or spiritual exploration.

As a holistic client-centered therapist, Corey believes that you are the expert on your life. He uses his training and experience to come alongside you and support you in the changes you wish to make. He will consider your entire system when you work together. You will be fully seen as Corey incorporates all aspects of your life including biology, psychology, spirituality, social context, stage in life, and cultural factors such as race/ethnicity. Corey works to provide a space where anyone can feel understood and safe. However, no matter what you are struggling with, he believes that he can work together with you to help you move toward your goal.

Corey is dedicated to life-long learning. In his free time, he is consuming as much literature as he can on a variety for subjects ranging from betrayal trauma to compulsive behavior to resilience.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 22:12:55 GMT

“Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you from Transforming Life Counseling Center. May your Holidays and New Year be blessed!”

There’s no such thing as a Perfect Holiday, even for Children

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 22:06:32 GMT

By Victoria Scoville, LCSW, IMH-E®

The holiday season often provides feelings of warmth, joy, and excitement. Though the holidays are known for bringing smiles to children’s faces, it also has an unfortunate downside. Holidays also mean changes in routine, increased interaction with less familiar family and friends, increased activity levels, and overstimulating environments. None of these things are detrimental to children. However, in combination with one another over several weeks, we may begin to see the toll they take on kids and families.

So as a parent, here are a few key signs that your kiddo may be stressed out:

Emotional outbursts
Increased irritability
Difficulty sleeping
Withdrawal from others
Struggles in school
Frequent physical complaints (headaches or stomach aches)
Increased defiance

Thankfully, parents can be proactive with buffering their children from the dreaded holiday overwhelm. Here are a few ideas to think about incorporating within your family over the holiday season.

Stick to a routine. Though kids may be out of school, they still need routine. You can adjust the time of things here and there but try to stick to a semi-consistent routine that provides predictability. When we have predictability, anxiety goes down. And that is never a bad thing!
Communicate. Naming your feelings can often relieve the intensity of the emotion. Talk with another about your feelings and experiences. Normalize emotions and create space to hold and organize them together. The wonderful thing about a family is we don’t have to do hard things alone.
Be selective with your activities. In a society that tells us we need more of everything; it can be tempting to want to do every holiday adventure. But that becomes stressful quickly. Choose 1 or 2 holiday themed activities and enjoy the moments with your family. You will thank yourself later!
Slow down and Connect. In the hustle bustle of the season, stop and smell the cinnamon. It is not about the presents, the activities, or even watching every Christmas movie. It is about the connection with your family. And when we are so consumed with checking the boxes on our holiday list, we miss the true gift of the holiday which is the extra time to connect with one another.

Research tells us that it doesn’t matter how much we spend or what activities we do during the holidays. What matters most is how your children feel when they are with you. Do they feel cared for, loved, and secure? These are the questions to hold in mind. So, when you begin to tell yourself you need to give your children a “perfect” Christmas, STOP and remind yourself that all your children need to make this holiday season special, is time with you!

This article was written by Victoria Scoville, LCSW, IMH-E®. Victoria Scoville is both a clinical member of our TLCC team and co-owner of Transforming Life Counseling Center.

The Effects of Holiday Rituals: Warm Nostalgia or Holiday Blues?

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 22:01:40 GMT

By Cindy Rose, M.A., LPC-C

As we approach the holiday season of Christmas and the New Year, I am abounding with gratitude as I reflect on the blessings and events of the past year. I am also filled with hope and optimism for a peaceful, healthy, and meaningful future. Hope and optimism are powerful motivating factors for psychological well-being. God’s word encourages us, “May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” (Romans 15:13) While anticipating the celebration of the Christmas miracle and the hope of the New Year, I am reminded of the holiday rituals that have strengthened my beliefs, values, and sense of belonging.

Holiday rituals of colorful decorations and lights, the smell of Christmas cookies, and watching holiday movies (“Elf” is one of my favorites) and time spent with family and friends elicit joyful memories and warm nostalgia. Nostalgia is a social-emotional experience that unifies us with our loved ones while reminding us of our identity across time. The stored positive memories of past celebrations can be a stabilizing force to comfort us during difficult times of transition or change. The memories serve as a reminder of the past when we felt unconditional love and support from our families. Nostalgia can be viewed as a coping mechanism for reflecting on happier times when we feel anxious, depressed, or fearful.

Unfortunately, holiday rituals may also elicit the holiday blues for people who have endured family instability due to a variety of things from divorce, the death of a loved one, a job loss or even domestic abuse. This can leave us vulnerable to risk of loneliness, high stress environments, and painful emotions. Holiday activities can be demanding and interrupt our everyday routines. They can also create unrealistic expectations of what the celebrations “should” be like considering changes in the family dynamic, which can cause additional anxiety and depression.

Maybe you or a loved one is suffering from difficult family relationships or circumstances and experiencing the holiday blues. I experienced the holiday blues several years ago as I endured an extremely painful and personal loss. I struggled to process the grief and anger of the event for several years and to find a “new normal” for my life. It was by the grace of God and the kindness and support of family and close friends that I was able to heal and truly enjoy the hope of the holidays again. I feel blessed to have overcome my difficulties as an adult, but for too many others the pain and suffering of trauma or even childhood abuse has endured long into adulthood.

Nostalgia may be a painful reminder of the love and support some never received. During my time in the field of mental health, I have helped individuals cope with unfathomable grief, establish healthy boundaries in dysfunctional family relationships, and overcome abuse inflicted more often than not by a family member. If the holidays were difficult, frightening or sad during childhood, individuals can easily be triggered by the sights and sounds of the season even as an adult.

Here are some ideas for dealing with the holiday blues, as we walk through this season:

Suggestions for surviving the holiday blues

Time for self-care by means of exercise, adequate rest and nutrition, and engaging in creative outlets.
Be aware of your triggers, remind yourself it is just a trigger, it will pass, then practice healthy coping strategies.
Create new traditions.
Prioritize your emotional health.
Surround yourself with the people who matter to you.
Express and set healthy boundaries with family members.
Give yourself permission to say “no” and to leave events when feeling overwhelmed.

Author: Cindy Rose, LPC. Cindy is a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Coping with Grief and Chronic Illness During the Holidays

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 21:56:56 GMT

By Caleb Scoville, LPC-S

The holiday season is a magical time of year for many because of the connections, special foods, giving and receiving, and many other reasons. Those things do not come naturally however and stress during this season is also very common. The holiday season can be especially challenging time for those dealing with grief or chronic illness. For all of us, the holiday season comes with changes in familiar routines including increased activities, lots of interactions with family and friends, and the demand for more emotional and cognitive reserves which can be exhausting for us all. While the festivities and traditions are meant to bring joy, the added stress and emotional strain can exacerbate feelings of loss, pain, and isolation.

For those grieving the loss of a loved one, the holidays serve as a painful reminder of their absence. Family gatherings and celebrations may feel empty without the presence of the departed. It's important to allow yourself to feel and express your grief, whether through tears, reminiscing, or quietly reflecting. Don't be afraid to ask loved ones for support and to set boundaries if certain traditions feel too difficult.

Those living with chronic illness also face unique obstacles over the holidays. The increased demands on your time and energy, from shopping and decorating to attending parties and family events, can quickly become overwhelming. Prioritize self-care by pacing yourself, delegating tasks, and saying no when needed. Build in plenty of rest breaks and don't hesitate to modify or opt out of activities. Saying “I just need a day to rest.” Self-care with good intent, is not selfish.

Whether you're grieving or managing a chronic condition, be mindful of your emotional and physical needs. Seek out healthy coping strategies like journaling, meditation, or support groups. If feelings of depression, anxiety or isolation become unmanageable, don't be afraid to reach out to a mental health professional.

It's also important to cultivate moments of joy and connection, even amidst the challenges. Try to focus on the traditions and activities that truly uplift you, whether it's baking cookies with your kids (or for yourself!), driving around to admire holiday lights, or spending quality time with a close friend. Remember to slow down, focus on connections not “perfection” with special people in your life. Celebrate small victories and find meaning in the things you can and chose to do.

Please remember that you're not alone, many others are navigating similar struggles during this time of year. So be gentle with yourself, accept help when offered, and do not hesitate to modify or create new traditions that better suit your needs. With self-compassion and support, it is possible to find pockets of peace and light, even in the darkest of seasons.

This article was written by Caleb Scoville, LPC-S. Caleb Scoville is both a clinical member of our TLCC team and co-owner of Transforming Life Counseling Center.

The Gratitude Challenge

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 21:52:27 GMT

by Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

Thanksgiving now behind us, I find myself looking differently at things. Thanksgiving serves as a grand entrance to the Holiday Season. And, yet to so many, this holiday of gratitude marks the beginning of a very stressful time of year. Most of us, already living fast-paced lives, find ourselves thrust into “fast forward” during the holidays: Tyrannized by our own list of to-do’s, losing appreciation for and connection to the most important things in our lives. Many of which are supposed to be celebrated during this season.

How do we connect more with the gratitude of the season and less with the stress? I researched this and found I wasn’t the first curious person on this topic. It appears there is a relationship between stress and gratitude:an inverse relationship. That is, the higher the level of gratitude a person has, the lower their stress level. (Wood, Maltby, Gillett, Linley, and Joseph. 2008).

Additionally, Dr. Robert A. Emmons, a researcher in the field of positive psychology, studied the effects of gratitude in 2003 and found that in his experimental group, who regularly practiced gratitude for 10 weeks, had a 25% increase in rating their personal happiness. They also were found to have less health complaints, less doctors visits, they exercised more, and slept better.

Perhaps this is why Thanksgiving comes first, before Christmas: To remind us to be grateful. Christmas started with the Holiest of gifts - the Birth of our Savior. And, yet we as a culture have made this Season into so much of what it was never intended to be. Yet I am told that the first Thanksgiving, regardless of differences, people came together to celebrate their gratefulness to the God who gives. Together. And, it was gratitude that ushered in the Holiday Season. Maybe the order of the holidays was supposed to teach us a lesson.

In summary, here is what gratitude offers to us:

It refocuses us on the positive, reminding us of what we appreciate in life. (Phil. 4:8)
Increases positivity and halts negative thought patterns (Phil 4:6-7)
Helps us to appreciate and focus on what we actually have (Psalm 100:1-5)
It renews the mind and increases mental and emotional resiliency (Romans 12:2)
It can help counterbalance the negative effects of stress (Proverbs 17:22)
It helps us to embrace our own life and reminds us to pay it forward (2 Cor 9:11)
Offers a fuller perspective on life that isn’t stress or negativity focused (1 Thes 5:18)
It rewires the brain, increasing positive thoughts and associations (Romans 12:2)

…And it reminds me that my lengthy “to-do” list isn’t just “have-to’s”, but instead a list of “get-to’s.” Everything on my list is there because I chose it, or because I own it, or simply because I breathe. No matter how difficult my situation is, I get to do this. And, as a counselor, I know there are some incredibly painful circumstances. There are times where being grateful is a real challenge. But, I can be grateful for the sunshine, or food, or a friend, or an encouraging passerby. And, with that realization, the glass shifts: It’s no longer half-empty but can be beautifully, half-full.

So, join me in a daily challenge of finding 3-5 unique things to be grateful for daily. Create an ongoing journal, maybe one on your phone. And, let’s see if this gratitude stuff is all that they say it is.

"Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body." -Joseph Addison

Resources

Emmons, PhD, Robert A.(June, 2011) Why Gratitude is Good.Retrieved from http://www.dailygood.org

Wood AM, Maltby J, Gillett R, Linley PA & Joseph S (2008)The role of gratitude in the development of social support, stress, and depression: Two longitudinal studies, Journal of Research in Personality, 42 (4), pp. 854-871.

Author: Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT. Michelle is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Approved Supervisor for the State of Oklahoma, and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Recent Trainings and Resources

Wed, 04 Dec 2024 21:45:38 GMT

TLCC often has the pleasure of offering training and CEUs to its staff members and extends these opportunities to those in the counseling community. During our last quarter, TLCC heard from a variety of treatment centers and professionals on mental health topics that expanded our team’s knowledge of resources to better serve our community. Stages of Recovery provided information regarding outpatient Drug and Alcohol Rehab in Oklahoma and Texas. Next Level Senior Advisors provided information about the work they do in helping senior adults and their families find the right fit for their loved ones in assisted living. Live Better at Home shared information about senior home care services they offer in the OKC metro area. Please see an overview of each, to determine if you, or someone you know, might benefit from their services and/or the information they provided.

Stages of Recovery

TLCC wants to thank Linda Morgan for coming to speak with TLCC therapists to tell us more about Stages of Recovery and the great work they do in OKC and Texas. Stages of Recovery is an outpatient dual-diagnosis drug and alcohol rehab, meaning they treat both addiction and any co-occurring mental health conditions. Stages uses a comprehensive model combining psychiatric, behavioral and holistic therapies. For more information, please see the link above.

Live Better At Home

TLCC wants to thank Jeremy Allen CEO and Kelly Garrett from Live Better at Home for speaking with TLCC staff about the great work they do in the OKC metro area. LiveBetter at Home provides professional home care services tailored to support seniors and individuals needing assistance in the Greater Oklahoma City area. Our services are designed to enhance independence and quality of life while maintaining the comfort and familiarity of home. Our key offerings of personal care, respite care, and virtual care, provide assistance with daily activities such as meal preparation, medication reminders, personal hygiene, light housekeeping, transportation and companionship. For more information, please see the link above.

Next Level Senior Advisors

TLCC wants to thank Matt Wilson, CEO and Sara Cook, RN from Next Level Senior Advisors for taking the time to speak to TLCC therapists and provide information regarding the great work they do in multiple states. Next Level Senior Advisors is a dedicated Senior referral and placement agency, that specializes in helping families navigate the complexities and transition into Senior Living. They offer personalized consultations; access to a wide network of senior living facilities offering different levels of care, expert advice and guidance through this process, and ongoing support and advocacy. For more information, please see the link above.

We want to say a big thank you and Happy Holidays to all our presenters!

Trust

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 14:26:48 GMT

By Dr. Pamela Forducey, Ph.D. ABRP

A group of amazing and resilient women have been meeting at TLCC for several years exploring how to have healthy relationships with others who are struggling with addiction and/or mental illness. We have covered the workbook, Spiritual Journey to the 12 steps, which took us several years to complete meeting twice a month. This year, we reviewed several book topics to determine what we would cover in 2024. The group picked Dr. Henry Cloud’s TRUST Knowing When to Give It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It when It Gets Broken in Life and Business. Trust is the fuel for all life relationships, from personal to professional ones. Dr. Cloud tells us that God created us to trust from a biological, neurological, emotional, and spiritual perspective. Our brains crave to be connected with other humans from birth through the end of our lives. God gave us a love hormone, oxytocin, which helps us bond and promotes trust and healthy attachments. Often, our family of origin, early life experiences, and adverse life events may impact how we learn to trust or not trust as adults.

Dr. Cloud outlines five essentials of trust below to consider when evaluating relationships.

You can trust someone when:

Understanding – You feel your needs are understood, felt, and cared about.
Motive –You feel the person’s motive is for you, not just for themselves.
Ability - You feel the person has the ability or capacity to guard and deliver results for what you have entrusted to them.

You can trust someone who:

Character –The person has the character or personal makeup needed for what you entrust them with.
Track Record –The person has a track record of performing in the ways you need them to perform.

There is no doubt that the quality of our life depends on the quality of our attachments and relationships. Some are more superficial and casual whereas others are more intimate. Our goal for this group is to develop relationships with those who we can totally be vulnerable with and who will love us despite our flaws and shortcomings. These people show us grace and walk through life with us and grow with us. They cry with us and laugh with us.

When I attended the Celebrate Recovery Summit Leadership Meeting at Saddleback Church in California a few years ago, Dr. John Townsend (who wrote the popular book Boundaries with Dr. Cloud) was one of the keynote speakers and shared information on various types of relationships from his book, People Fuel. I wanted to close with a few thoughts from his presentation regarding the topic of trust.

Ask yourself the following questions:

Who do I bring close to me? What evidence do I have that this person is trustworthy?
Who do I limit access to? What behaviors have this person displayed that are ‘red flags’ that I need to limit access? How do I begin to limit access?
Who do I end access to? Are there some unhealthy or even toxic relationships that I need to consider ending contact with? How shall I do so in a manner that allows me to respect them but also to honor my personal boundaries?

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

This article was written by Dr. Pamela Forducey, Ph.D. ABRP. Dr. Forducey is clinical member of our Staff at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Challenging the Stigma: Supporting Men's Mental Health

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 14:08:53 GMT

By Chris Nash, MA, LPC

Mental health has long been misunderstood, often dismissed as something that "others" face, not something that affects "me." These stigmatizing attitudes are rooted in negative social views, unfairly labeling certain characteristics as deficiencies—whether mental, physical, or social. Stigma breeds social disapproval, leading to discrimination and exclusion, but we have the power to change that narrative.

Since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, with the challenges of quarantine, social distancing, and other significant adjustments, we’ve witnessed a shift. This unique global experience has led to a more open and collective effort to seek therapeutic services. The rise of online and phone-based teletherapy has offered a flexible, less stigmatizing path for many, allowing them to access care from the comfort of their homes.

Depression is the leading cause of disability in developed countries, which prompts important questions:

Is depression a disability?
Who reports depressive symptoms, and who remains silent?
Can both men and women experience depression, or is it perceived differently based on gender?

These questions remind us that mental health is just as vital as physical health. The idea that they are separate is a false dichotomy; everyone, at some point, may face mental health challenges. Unfortunately, men are often less likely to seek mental health services due to stigma. Societal and familial pressures have conditioned many boys, who grow into men, to hide emotional or psychological distress. In male-dominated fields like the military and law enforcement, this culture of stoicism is especially strong, perpetuating the notion that men should always be strong, unshakable, and never appear weak.

But there is hope. Change is possible, and it starts with acknowledging the importance of mental health for everyone. I want to encourage men and their families to seek professional help when needed. Here are some key points to consider that can help reduce the stigma around mental illness and normalize the process of psychotherapy:

Psychotherapy is confidential, just like visits to a medical doctor.
Therapy offers a safe space to express thoughts, feelings, and memories, and to explore new behaviors.
Many therapists provide sliding scale fees, pro bono work, or are part of state-funded outpatient programs, ensuring that care is accessible to everyone.
Even those who are thriving in life can benefit from counseling, whether it’s for clarifying values, gaining self-insight, or pursuing personal growth through the therapist-client relationship.

These considerations may inspire you to take that first step towards exploring your inner world. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and reach out for the support you deserve. If you ever feel overwhelmed or simply need someone to talk to, Transforming Life Counseling Center is here for you. Please don’t hesitate to contact us at 405-246-5433. We’re ready to support you at our location in Edmond, Oklahoma. The path to healing begins with a single step—take it today.

This article was written by Christopher W. Nash, Jr., M.A., LPC, Clinical Mental Health Counselor, licensed in the state of Oklahoma & Texas. Christopher Nash is clinical member of our Staff at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

The Brilliance of ADHD in Children

Mon, 23 Sep 2024 14:02:05 GMT

By Kelsie Howard, MCP, LPC

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental condition affecting millions of children worldwide. When we hear "ADHD," many might picture a child who is hyperactive, impulsive, and struggles with attention. While these traits are common, they are not what define a child with ADHD.

When I think of ADHD, I envision a brain that is vibrant and alive, swirling with creativity, bravery, and empathy. It’s a mind full of possibilities—an imaginative landscape reminiscent of Alice in Wonderland or Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. These children see the world not just as it is, but as it could be, full of untapped potential and extraordinary ideas.

Yet, when I asked others what comes to mind when they hear "ADHD," the responses were far more limiting:

"A child who has trouble focusing, hyperactive, impulsive, often viewed as a troublemaker."
"Someone who struggles to sit still, easily distracted, and hypersensitive."
"Overactive, restless, and impulsive, with difficulty following instructions."
"Hyperactive, talkative, often in trouble."
"A child more hyperactive than normal."

These descriptions, while common, barely scratch the surface of the vibrant world inside the minds of children with ADHD. Through my work with many ADHD children, I’ve come to see ADHD not as a deficit but as a form of brilliance. These children possess incredible strengths that often go unrecognized because it’s easy to focus solely on the challenges. But if we look deeper, we find that ADHD is magnificent.

Children with ADHD are often empathetic, brave, and curious. They are quick thinkers who, when something captures their interest, become deeply passionate. Their sense of humor is infectious, and their creativity knows no bounds. They have a big imagination and can see solutions to problems that others might never consider. They are adaptable, compassionate, and often think outside the box, bringing fresh perspectives to any situation.

As a parent of a daughter with ADHD, I witness this brilliance every day. Her room is a colorful explosion of art supplies—yarn, markers, colored pencils, beads, and cardboard—strewn about in what might seem like chaos to others. But to me, it’s a beautiful reflection of her mind. Hand her a box of random objects, and she’ll create something extraordinary. She’s full of energy, asks endless questions, and often forgets tasks—but she also dreams, imagines, and loves deeply. If I focused only on the challenges, I might miss the incredible gifts she has to offer. By nurturing her strengths, I help her grow into the creative, caring woman I believe she’s meant to be.

Children with ADHD should know that they can achieve greatness. Simone Biles, one of the most decorated gymnasts of all time, and Michael Phelps, a world-renowned swimmer, have both openly shared their struggles with ADHD. Phelps recalls being told by a teacher that he would never succeed, yet he found a way to channel his energy and focus into his passion for swimming, becoming an Olympic champion. He says, “If I could go back in time and tell my younger self something, I would tell him to believe what’s in his heart and never ever give up.” These two show that with the right support and belief in themselves, children with ADHD can reach extraordinary heights.

Every child with ADHD is unique. Some are active and brimming with energy, struggling with boundaries and social cues. Others might be quieter, their ADHD going unnoticed because they don’t cause disruptions. But underneath, they are battling to stay focused, often feeling anxious and overwhelmed. These children face challenges that can lead to a deep sense of shame, receiving an estimated 20,000 negative messages by age 10. But as Simone Biles says, "The challenges we face help define who we are. My challenge is also my superpower: ADHD."

As parents, educators, and caregivers, it’s our job to look beyond the challenges and recognize the extraordinary potential within these children. Let us celebrate the extraordinary minds of children with ADHD, nurturing their strengths and passions to help them become the superheroes they are meant to be.

This article was written by Kelsie Howard, MCP, LPC. Kelsie Howard is clinical member of our Staff at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Support Through Connection

Sun, 15 Sep 2024 02:54:58 GMT

By Caleb Scoville, MS, LPC

Connections and relations in this life are crucial to wellbeing. What happens when that ability is disrupted? We are not made to be alone, the sense we are alone can create major anxiety. Giving someone the space to voice that fear reduces distress greatly.

In January 2024, the Hough Ear Institute started the first and only Tinnitus Support Group in Oklahoma at Crossings Community Church in Oklahoma City (also available via zoom for those who are not near or able to travel). I was honored to be asked to facilitate this group and have witnessed and experienced the hope that comes through the shared support.

Many may ask “ Is that (tinnitus) the ringing in the ear(s) thing?” The answer would be yes, and perhaps surprising to many, there are many silent sufferers of tinnitus across the world. For many, it can take on an all- encompassing distraction that overshadows all aspects of their lives.

Tinnitus, like grief is a subjective condition that is difficult to assess because everyone experiences it differently but to summarize it briefly:

The American Tinnitus Association (ATA) defines tinnitus as a neurological and audiological condition causing individuals to perceive sound when there is no external noise. The sounds can be described as ringing, buzzing, hissing, whistling, swooshing, clicking or even, hearing music. Tinnitus can be acute or chronic, soft or loud, continuous or intermittent and pulsing or steady. While there is no “cure” for tinnitus, there is treatment; there is support; and there is always Hope.

Find community and connection with people who "get" what it's like to struggle whether that be with chronic tinnitus, grief, or something different. What we must anchor to is hope and the truth that we do not have to do life alone. We can find support in one another.

For more information about the “Tinnitus Together" support group and other hearing related conditions please see the websites below.

Tinnitus Support Group

American Tinnitus Association

This article was written by Caleb Scoville, MS, LPC-S. Caleb Scoville is clinical member of our Staff and Owner of Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Recent Trainings and Resources

Sat, 14 Sep 2024 01:54:27 GMT

TLCC often has the pleasure of offering trainings and CEUs to it’s staff members and extends these opportunities to those in the counseling community. During our last quarter, TLCC heard from a variety of treatment centers and professionals on mental health topics that expanded our team’s knowledge of resources to better serve our community. Elevation Health in Edmond, OK provided informative information on their alternative treatments for patients struggling with Major Depressive Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Capstone Wellness provided a testimonial of their treatment program for adolescent males as well as an overview of their emerging treatment program for young females. Suzanne Kimball, AUD, CCC-A presented on the impact of hearing on mental, emotional, and cognitive health. Please see an overview of each, to determine if you, or someone you know might benefit from their services and/or the information they provided.

Elevation Health

TLCC wants to thank Dr. Tate Woodward from Elevation health for visiting with us about the 1/3 of individuals with treatment resistant Depression, PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Dr. Woodward’s clinic offers alternative treatments such as Ketamine and Spravodo therapy and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation therapy for those who have failed to find relief elsewhere. For more information please see the link above.

Capstone Wellness

TLCC wants to thank Hall Ratcliffe from Capstone Wellness for visiting with us about current happenings and directions for the future of Capstone Wellness. He included updates on Capstone’s young male and new female Inpatient programs as well as new outpatient programs in Arkansas. For more information please visit the link above

Suzanne Kimball, AUD, CCC-A

Suzanne Kimball is a professor at OU college of Allied Health, an Audiologist, and expert in Tinnitus treatment. She provided a riveting presentation about her research with hearing related issues and their correlations with mental and emotional wellbeing. For more information, please visit the link above.

We want to say a big thanks to all of our presenters!

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Sat, 14 Sep 2024 01:40:59 GMT

Transforming Life Counseling Center is pleased to continue to expand our team of quality therapists with the addition of 2 new licensed therapists. We welcome our newest members: Chris Nash, LPC and Kelsie Howard, LPC. These experienced therapists support TLCC in continuing to support the vast counseling needs of our community and bring new areas of training. For more information on their expertise and training, you can find their bios below and on our website.

For more information about our therapists, insurances we take and fees, our phone number is (405) 246-5433.

Kelsie Howard, MCP, LCP

My name is Kelsie Howard and I am a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with a Master of Counseling Psychology degree from Northwestern Oklahoma State University and a Bachelor of Science degree in Psychology from Northwestern Oklahoma State University. I have experience working with children, adolescents, and young adults that struggle with anxiety, depression, ODD, ADHD, interpersonal difficulties, body image, and poor-self-esteem.

I take a holistic approach to therapy, considering all aspects of a client’s life, including their emotional, physical, and social well-being. I also utilize a person-centered approach that fosters trust and openness, as well as incorporating CBT methods, as CBT has been proven to be effective in helping clients manage anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges. My goal is to provide a safe and comfortable environment for each individual by first building rapport, as I feel this is essential to effective therapy, so I take time to get to know my clients and allow them to get to know me as well. As therapists are people too, I strive to create a therapeutic relationship that is grounded in mutual respect and understanding, rather than an authoritarian dynamic. I believe in collaboration and empathy to support each person’s unique journey toward well-being. With children and adolescents, I incorporate play to create a supportive environment and incorporate activities that foster positive coping skills. Through play, children can express their emotions and experiences in a natural and engaging way.

I have completed many continuing education training in ADHD and have found this area to be a great passion of mine. After working in a school based setting as a counselor and being on the frontline, I strongly believe individuals with ADHD deserve more advocacy and support. It is crucial to recognize their unique strengths and challenges, and to ensure they have access to the resources and understanding they need to thrive. I hope to promote awareness and champion the rights of those with ADHD, fostering an environment of inclusivity and empowerment.

Chris Nash, MA, LPC

Christopher W. Nash, Jr., M.A., a licensed professional counselor (LPC) with African American and Native American heritage, provides a safe and supportive environment for clients to explore their challenges and strengths. He utilizes a combination of ACT, DBT, and EMDR therapies to help individuals access their inner healing potential and achieve personal growth. Chris believes in a collaborative approach where clients feel understood and empowered throughout their journey towards healing and wholeness.

As a counselor, I create a warm and inviting space for clients to explore their inner world, honoring their unique experiences and cultural backgrounds. Utilizing evidence-based approaches like ACT, DBT, and EMDR, I empower individuals to heal from trauma, regulate emotions, and cultivate a meaningful life. My focus is on fostering a collaborative relationship where clients feel safe to express themselves authentically and develop the skills needed to thrive.

Clients can expect to develop a deeper understanding of themselves, their emotions, and their patterns of behavior. We will work collaboratively to set achievable goals, addressing challenges while building upon strengths. Through our sessions, clients will gain practical tools and coping mechanisms to navigate life's difficulties with greater resilience and confidence.

Are You A Birdwatcher?

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 20:50:38 GMT

By Lou Ann Moore, M.Ed., LPC

Birdwatching or birding means going outside to enjoy watching and studying birds in their natural surroundings….for fun…for relaxing…for social gatherings…for learning! I know some of you are thinking this is just for old people but this is something I began to enjoy several years ago…even before I got older!!

I had an experience in my thirties that gave a new meaning to listening to the birds sing. No longer were they just birds chirping but they were songs of peace, sounds of comfort, and reminders of how much God loves you and me.

This new appreciation for birds came from a place of being painfully aware that sorrow, anxiety, and struggles are real and can be devastating. Why does God allow this kind of heartache and hurt? Why doesn’t He stop it? What can I do to feel better? These were just three of the many questions I had.

As a result of that experience which affected my entire family, my dad, Kenneth Lay, wrote a book, a personal journey along the road of suffering and sorrow, When Sparrows Fall (For Sparrows Do Fall) . With his permission, I am including some excerpts from his book.

“The first sparrow, in my life, had fallen and little did I realize how many sparrows were yet to fall during my lifetime…However, above all else, this one thing I know, they do not fall without the awareness of a caring and compassionate God who loves us and wants us to know him as our Heavenly Father. Jesus said, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet, not one of them can fall to the ground without your Father, that is, without his knowledge and permission. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:29, 31 Paraphrased).

“As the hurt of the heart subsides, the sufficient grace of God begins to emerge. Embrace it! Cling to it! Lean on it! In the process of working through your loss and realizing that life will never be the same again, make the necessary adjustments in your lifestyle and in your emotions. Change what you can and accept what you cannot change. Acceptance is the key. Relinquish your sorrow to your heavenly Father, who attends the funeral of every sparrow, who sees every tear that falls, who garners each tear drop and places it in his bottle and records each tear in his book of remembrance. Say with the Psalmist: “You alone are my God; my times are in your hands.” Psalm 31:15(LB)

Unfortunately, there is no quick fix to a heartache when a sparrow in your life falls. However, there are many helpful coping skills to encourage you as you begin the healing process. In addition, the next time you experience heartache, anxiety, or other struggles, maybe you could try going outside, watch for and listen to the birds, and remember “not one of them falls to the ground outside your Father’s care; so don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10:28, 31(NIV) Your Father loves you very much.

References:

When Sparrows Fall (For Sparrows Do Fall) ; author: Kenneth Lay

**(Book may be purchased from Lou Ann Moore LPC/Transforming Life Counseling Center)

Living Bible

New International Version Bible

Author: Lou Ann Moore, LPC. Lou Ann is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

How Do I Know We’re Going to Make It Together? Relationship Foundation

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 20:15:31 GMT

By Jarod Allen, LPC

Lots of couples over the years have asked me really great questions about how to have a great relationship:

“What’s the foundation to a great marriage?”

“What important piece of information do we need to know to survive as a couple?”

“What’s the secret ingredient to making it together?”

“How do I know whether or not we’re going to last?”

For people to have a great relationship, I think there are lots of things to learn and practice. However, for longevity, there’s one very important foundation block that must be in place. Are you ready for it? (I can hear the drumroll...)

Commitment.

It may sound old-fashioned or out of style, but it’s true. You simply can’t survive as a couple without commitment.

The Research

A recent UCLA research team conducted a longitudinal study following 172 couples over their first 11 years of marriage to determine how commitment impacts relationship success. The team surveyed the couples every six months for the first four years, asking questions such as “To what extent do you agree or disagree with the following question: “I want my marriage to stay strong, no matter what rough times we may encounter.’” Of the 172 couples, almost 80% are still married. Interestingly, over the years of studying the couples, commitment began to take shape in specific actions.

Unpacking the Research on Commitment

We all usually say that we’re very committed to our relationship and we believe it. However, commitment looks like something specific. It’s not just a heartfelt statement declaring your forever to someone. According to the research, there are certain behaviors and attitudes that demonstrate an active commitment to the relationship. Let’s face it: Over 20% of the couples in the study who agreed commitment was important didn’t end up staying together.

What the research suggests is that commitment is not tying a knot at the end of the rope and hanging on. Commitment emerged in the study as more than just passively hanging on in the relationship no matter what, even if it means being unhappy.

Deeper, more genuine levels of commitment that allowed almost 80% of the couples in the study to be successful looked like this: “I am committed to do what it takes to make the relationship successful.”

See the difference? It’s not just hanging on for dear life, but rather deciding to do the work in the relationship that ensures its survival.

What does that mean? It means that being willing to give of yourself, compromising, working at communication and conflict resolution, going to counseling, protecting the relationship, and being willing to do the work are key factors of relationship commitment.

Commitment is easy when things are going smoothly in your relationship. However, deeper levels of commitment are needed when difficulty, struggle, demands of life, work stress, a new baby, family, finances, finding time for sex, or conflict emerge in the marriage. I’m not being a Debbie Downer here, but let's be truthful: All marriages go through less-than-perfect times as couples go through life together. Difficult times aren’t a sign that the relationship has expired like out of date milk shoved in the back of the refrigerator. They mean that your relationship is alive and that it's giving you signals that it's time for more growth, personal transformation, new relational skills, and/or time working on it together. On the other side of the struggle is a deeper love and appreciation for the one you’re with.

The bottom line: If you make your relationship a priority, refuse to quit, and are committed to do the work, good things will happen for your marriage.

(For more information, see https://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/here-is-what-real-commitment-to-228064 )

Author, Jarod Allen, LPC. Jarod is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 20:05:59 GMT

Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

Suicide rates have increased in our country in the last two decades and in 2021 it was listed as the 11th leading cause of death in our society. (National Institute of Mental Health)
Suicide ranges between the 2 ^nd and 3 ^rd highest causes of death for young people between the ages of 10-34, according to the National Institute of Mental Health and cited in MedicalNewsToday.
The State of Oklahoma currently has the 7th highest suicide rate per capita in the country, according to the CDC.

This is a hard topic, but because of these stats, we are recirculating an article on suicide awareness, prevention and intervention. If you read no further than this, please note the that by dialing 988 you can reach the suicide hotline, equipped with trained professionals ready to provide resources for immediate help. This is available in Oklahoma but it is also a nationwide network of resources and intervention to help at risk individuals.

Awareness

Statistically, women have more suicide attempts, while men have higher completion rates. Certain populations have higher rates of suicide, however, suicide crosses all demographics.

Many, if not most, people have experienced dark times in life that have led them down a dark path. When a person is depressed, everything can be experienced through a lense of darkness and hopelessness: Our relationships, our outlook on life, and our future, can all seem bleak and hopeless. Even our relationship with God can feel distant. The ability to feel joy, hope, purpose and worth are all compromised by this dark lense. Depression and suicidal thoughts can be treated with great success though, through counseling, increasing support making some lifestyle changes and occasionally medications. Occasionally, hospitalization is necessary.

The following are symptoms of depression and suicidal risk. Those starred with an asterisk are more serious and may suicidal risk.

• Sad or depressed mood,

• Loosing interest in things one used to care about

• Changes in normal behavior, like difficulty sleeping or eating

• Chronic pain or illness

• Isolating oneself, withdrawing from others

• *Statements about being hopeless, worthless, or a burden

• *Statements like "I wish I wasn't here" or "I wish I was dead."

• *Talking about killing oneself, self-harm, or suicide in general; preoccupation with death.

• *Substance abuse

• *Having firearms in the home

• *History of suicide attempts (personally); family history of suicide

Note: No one symptom in and of itself indicates suicidality, with the exception of direct threats, but more symptoms present indicate higher risk.

Prevention and Intervention - How to talk to someone who is depressed or potentially suicidal and identify risk:

Contrary to a common belief, studies show that asking a person who is in pain about suicidality does not increase their risk of suicide. If anything, you are entering into their pain with them and acknowledging that you care about them and their well-being. Suicide and depression are two mental health issues that flourish in isolation and darkness. Your presence, care and questions will help them to feel less alone. If you don’t feel equipped, connect them with a health professional. Resources are listed at the end of the article.

Here are some possible ways to ask those difficult questions:

I know you have gone through a lot recently, have you experienced any thoughts or feelings of depression or even thought of suicide or causing harm to yourself?
Have you ever had any suicidal thoughts or attempts in the past? (Past threats/attempts can increase risk). If yes, ask:
When did you most recently think self-harm suicide?
Have you ever thought of how you would hurt yourself or end your life? (Do they have a plan)
On a scale of 1-10 how likely are you to act on this plan? (Also ask if they have the means to carry out the plan?)

If a person answers yes to any of the above questions, contact your health professional or a mental health professional to assess. Thoughts, do not in and of themselves indicate the need for hospitalization or even medications. But a skilled professional can help you or your loved one navigate a plan for recovery. You may need to set the appointment and make sure someone can accompany the person.

Additional Action Steps for Helping Someone in Emotional Pain from National Institute of Mental Health's website https://www.nimh.nih.gov :

Keep them safe: Reducing a suicidal person’s access to highly lethal items or places is an important part of suicide prevention. Ask the at-risk person if they have a plan and remove or disable the lethal means.
Be there: Listen carefully and learn what the individual is thinking and feeling. Findings suggest acknowledging and talking about suicide may in fact reduce suicidal thoughts.
Help them connect:
The Mental Health Lifeline: call 988. Website is https://988Oklahoma.com
The www.JasonFoundation.com also has excellent resources.
Additionally, help them expand their support system by connecting them to a trusted family member, pastor, friend, medical doctor, counselor, etc.
Stay Connected: Studies show that suicide deaths go down when someone follows up with the at-risk person.
If the risk is immediate either go to an ER, call 911, or reach out to the suicide prevention line 988.

A note for Believers to the broken-hearted:

First, remember you are not alone. Suicide is NEVER the answer. Jesus Cares. He says you are worthy. He says you have a purpose. Just because the lense of depression and hopelessness cover your view of the light, doesn't mean it isn’t there. There is hope. You just might not be seeing it accurately. Psalm 34:18. And, your life matters. God created you and He loves YOU. Nothing can separate you from His Love. Romans 8:38-39. There is hope.

If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts or find yourself wishing you weren’t here anymore, please remember there is lots of help and hope. Depression and suicidality are both very treatable conditions. You can contact your healthcare professional, or Transforming Life’s mainline at 405-246-5433 or call 988 or 911 if in immediate danger.

Author: Michelle Garrett, LMFT. Michelle is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

Building Hope through Support Groups

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 19:53:11 GMT

By Caleb Scoville, LPC-S

We all, unfortunately, experience pain in this life due to a variety of different reasons. You may be struggling with the loss of a loved one. Or experiencing the suffering from a chronic illness. No matter the source of your pain, hope can be found even in the darkest of days. But on those days, it can be a friend who is holding onto hope with us that supports us through our darkness.

Emerson defines a friend as “… a person with whom I may be sincere; before who I may think aloud.” Another person says, “A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing the gentlest of hand will take it and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” Ecclesiastes 4:9 &10 says, “two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”

We are not made to live this life alone and we are not equipped to handle life’s challenges alone. I believe this is the essence of support group. A support group is a place to find hope. Perhaps you are looking for hope or perhaps you are the one delivering that hope to another. In a support group it works both ways.

Hope is not mere wishful thinking; it's a vital psychological resource that propels us forward. As the renowned psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl once said, "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." In essence, hope is that indomitable freedom, the choice to believe in a better tomorrow. I believe with a support group; we find hope from the connections made with others.

I have seen and heard hope expressed in several ways within the support groups I have either participated in or led over the years. And no matter whether I was a participant or a facilitator, it is always a gratifying experience to witness the beauty of hope building within a group of individuals. I have seen hope built through the connection of group members, finding of resources, and learning of coping skills. Through connection, resources, and coping skills motivation, empowerment, and understanding grow within individuals creating a pathway of hope. The stress reduction is sometimes readily apparent on faces. Finding out you are not alone, and you do not have to be is an incredible stress relief which breaks down barriers to hope.

So if you find yourself in a season of pain, seek connection with a friend, loved one, family member, mental health therapist or support group. Hope is just around the corner. We just may need help finding it in our darkness.

For more information about hope and support please contact one of our therapists at (405) 246-5433.

Author: Caleb Scoville, LPC. Caleb is a Licensed Professional Counselor and clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

Infants, Young Children, and Mental Health

victoriascovillelcsw@outlook.com (Victoria Scoville) — Wed, 12 Jun 2024 19:48:03 GMT

By Victoria Scoville, MSW, LCSW, IMH-E®

Infant Mental Health Specialist, Endorsed Reflective Supervisor

When the word “baby” comes to mind, we most often picture a beautiful and carefree being. But this beautiful picture shouldn’t cloud our awareness that this isn’t the reality for all. Many hold the misconception that mental health is something that starts when we are older. But with decades of research, we now know our emotional life and mental life is there from the start. This unfortunately means infants and young children can and do experience mental health struggles, but their way of communicating it may look different than it does for older children, teens, or adults.

When it comes to infants and young children, their ability to verbalize their internal experiences is limited based on where they are developmentally. This means that their main mode of communication is non-verbal through body language and behaviors. And we know that all behavior is communicating something. We just must spend a little time figuring out the meaning of the behavior when it comes to little ones who don’t have the words yet to communicate their needs. This can be very perplexing for caregivers trying to meet the needs of infants and young children.

It is estimated that between 9.5 and 14.2% of infants and young children between the ages of 0 to 5 years old experience an emotional or behavioral disorder [1] . So, the question that many caregivers have is:

When do I reach out about mental health concerns for my infant or young child?

We know that all children have emotions, and all children experience tantrums. Emotions are not good or bad. They just are. And a healthy infant or young child should experience a range of emotions. This is part of being human and having an emotional life. It is when our emotions lead to behaviors that begin to disrupt our functioning that we should seek professional support. For infants and young children, this could look like a variety of struggles. It could be a difficulty in forming healthy relationships with friends or caregivers. It could be distress or dysregulation that hinders a child or their family from engaging in developmentally expected activities or routines. Or, it could be causing the infant or young child significant distress or hindering their ability to progress developmentally or learn new skills.

Each child and family have a different tolerance level for distress. This means that a disruption in functioning can look different from child to child and family to family. It is okay to seek support when your child or family is experiencing distress that disrupts your child or family’s ability to live and enjoy life. When it comes to seeking services for an infant or young child, there are a few key things that are important to hold in mind. You need a mental health provider who is qualified to work with children 0-5 years old. Additionally, best practice for this age range indicates that services are most often done in context of the child’s caregiving relationships. This means that the child and primary caregiver(s) will be actively involved in all or most of the sessions. So, if you identify a need to seek mental health services for an infant or young child, ask your potential mental health provider questions that let you know if the provider is a good fit for your child and family.

We all have experiences and times in our life that necessitate the need for outside support and that is no different for infants and young children. So, if you find your family in need of services for your infant or young child, know that there are professionals trained to support you in this journey and you are not alone.

[1] (National Council on the Developing Child, 2010). (Estimating the Prevalence of Early Childhood Serious Emotional/Behavioral Disorders: Challenges and Recommendations Cheryl Boydell Brauner, MPH and Cheryll Bowers Stephens, MD, MBA.

Recent Trainings and Resources

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 19:41:23 GMT

TLCC often has the pleasure of offering trainings and CEUs to it’s staff members and extends these opportunities to those in the counseling community. During our last quarter, TLCC heard from a variety of treatment centers and providers on mental health topics that expanded our team’s knowledge of resources to better serve our community. Pinnacle Point Behavioral HealthCare for children and adolescents provided an informative training on anxiety in children and adolescents as well as gave us an overview of their services. Enterhealth Addiction and Mental Health Inpatient Center offered a detailed update on the new services they are providing. And one of our TLCC therapists, Caleb Scoville, visited CrownView Co-Occurring Institute to learn about the treatment center and its services in an immersive experience. Please see an overview of each, to determine if you, or someone you know might benefit from their services.

Pinnacle Point Behavioral HealthCare for Children and Adolescents

TLCC wants to thank Elesha Graniss and Mary Clary, LPN of Pinnacle Point for visiting with us about the services Pinnacle Point offers to individuals and families. Offering acute and sub acute(longterm) inpatient care for military dependents with a program led by experienced mental health professionals including daily treatment intervention and oversight by a psychiatrist, group/ individual/ family therapy, animal assisted activities, educational services, recreational therapy and discharge planning. For more information please see the link or stop by for a brochure. Pinnacle Point

Enterhealth Addiction and Mental Health Inpatient Center

TLCC wants to thank Gail Funderburk, Director of referral relations for Enterhealth, for presenting to us about services Enterhealth provides. At Enterhealth, a comprehensive treatment protocol is rooted in proven science and highly personalized based on the results of the patient’s multidimensional assessment. Treatments are designed and structured to meet you where you are and help promote short-term healing and treatment that sets the stage for long-term success. For more information please visit the following link Enterhealth

CrownView Co-Occurring Institute

TlCC wants to thank Sherry Young, PhD, CSAT of Right Fit Collaborative and Keith Arnold from Crown View for orchestrating a trip to visit Crownview Psychiatric Institute located in Ocean Side, CA (north of San Diego). Crownview employs a variety of evidence-based, research-supported therapeutic services to ensure they are best prepared to address the full scope of each client’s mental health needs.

For many of their clients, the Unified Protocol for Transdiagnostic Treatment of Emotional Disorders is a particularly beneficial element of care. Commonly referred to as the Unified Protocol or the UP, this approach can be a source of both symptom relief and essential skills development for adults with complex mental health conditions.

For more information please visit the following link Crownview

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Wed, 12 Jun 2024 19:37:45 GMT

Transforming Life Counseling Center is pleased to continue to expand our team of quality therapists with the addition of 4 new licensed therapists and 1 intern over this last year. We welcome our 5 newest members: Jowahn Poteat, LPC, Andrew Porter, LCSW, Tamara Allen, LPC, Jarod Allen, LPC, and Meagan Rickard, Mental Health Intern. These experienced therapists support TLCC in continuing to support the vast counseling needs of our community and bring new areas of training. For more information on their expertise and training, you can find their bios below and on our website.

For more information about our therapists, insurances we take and fees, our phone number is (405) 246-5433.

Tamara Allen, LPC

Tamara holds a master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from Southern Nazarene University and a bachelor’s degree in Elementary Ed. from Southeastern Oklahoma State University. She has experience with trauma, depression, and anxiety and utilizes Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Internal Family Systems Therapy.

Tamara’s counseling philosophy is to provide a safe environment to unpack life’s struggles and experiences. Her desire for the client is to provide therapy that can address old, outdated mindsets, beliefs, and patterns that no longer serve the client's well-being to restore balance and harmony. Her approach is to provide the client with mindfulness-based, engaging, and compassionate support for wholeness and healing.

Tamara’s background involves working with children, teens, young adults, and adults. Her passion is to help clients to heal organically by discovering their strengths, self-compassion, and self-worth to view themselves and live healthier lives. Tamara believes everyone can benefit from therapy to live a healthier and more productive life.

Jarod Allen, LPC

Jarod Allen is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with a Master of Arts in Counseling from Oral Roberts University. Jarod has over 20yrs of experience working with faith communities and community mental health. He has diverse experience helping individuals, couples, and families develop personal and relational well-being.

Jarod has received training in various therapeutic models including Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) informed treatment, Motivational Enhancement Therapy-Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (MET-CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), Gottman Couples, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Brief Strategic Family Therapy (BSFT).

Jarod’s therapeutic philosophy is an emphasis on a collaborative, empathetic, non-judgmental, and encouraging relationship where people can identify their strengths and work through life challenges. His therapeutic lens considers the complexity of the human experience and has worked to acquire the skill set to help people work toward developing greater relational and personal authenticity.

Jowahn Poteat, LPC

My name is Jowahn Poteat and I am a licensed professional counselor. I was drawn to the helping profession because ultimately that is who I have been throughout my life. I enjoy guiding and being a part of the journey of healing and self-realization with individuals and couples. I have been practicing therapy for over nine years while continually learning new evidence-based practices along the way.

I am certified in TFCBT, EMDR, ACT, EFT, Gottman, and Motivational Enhancement Therapy-Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I focus on developing coping skills dealing with anxiety and identifying different cognitive distortions that can lead to issues in your life. I enjoy working with couples utilizing Gottman techniques and insights to help couples reach a deeper understanding of one another. I do my best to meet everyone where they are and assist clients in reaching their goals.

Andrew Porter, LCSW

Andrew Porter is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) with a Bachelor’s and Master’s in Social Work from The University of Oklahoma. Andrew has a broad range of working with various populations. Heis a member in good standing with the Oklahoma Board of Licensed Clinical Social Workers.

Andrew has provided counseling for adolescents in an alternative education system, and he has worked with geriatric populations experiencing loss of independence, the aging process, and grief. He also has extensive experience with veterans encountering loss, PTSD, depression, and anxiety. Andrew is also trained in Intimate Partner Violence leading a trauma-informed and evidenced-based group program for individuals who struggle with conflict in their relationships.

Clients describe Andrew as warm and authentic while offering hope that change is possible. Andrew’s approach is centered around using awareness, practicing compassion, and acceptance of deeper emotions to create connection and change.

Meagan Rickard, Mental Health Intern

Meagan is currently serving as an intern while working towards a master’s in counseling at Mid-America Christian University. She has received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Mid-America Christian University. Meagan is a mother of three and has been married to her husband for 14 years.

Meagan is passionate about working with children, teens and adults by helping them establish healthier relationships and deal with their everyday struggles. She does this by utilizing cognitive behavioral therapy, family-systems, and client-centered therapies. She has experience working with children and teenagers dealing with depression, anxiety, ADHD, oppositional defiance disorder, low self-esteem, and other interpersonal issues. Meagan’s desire is to have her clients feel seen and heard by providing compassion and understanding in counseling sessions.

The Effects of Holiday Rituals: Warm Nostalgia or Holiday Blues?

Mon, 05 Dec 2022 20:44:06 GMT

By Cindy Rose, M.A., LPC-C

Holiday rituals of colorful decorations and lights, the smell of Christmas cookies, and watching holiday movies (“Elf” is one of my favorites) and time spent with family and friends elicit joyful memories and warm nostalgia . Nostalgia is a social-emotional experience that unifies us with our loved ones while reminding us of our identity across time. The stored positive memories of past celebrations can be a stabilizing force to comfort us during difficult times of transition or change. The memories serve as a reminder of the past when we felt unconditional love and support from our families. Nostalgia can be viewed as a coping mechanism for reflecting on happier times when we feel anxious, depressed, or fearful.

sad during childhood, individuals can easily be triggered by the sights and sounds of the season even as an adult.

Here are some ideas for dealing with the holiday blues, as we walk through this season:

Suggestions for surviving the holiday blues

Time for self-care by means of exercise, adequate rest and nutrition, and engaging in creative outlets.
Be aware of your triggers, remind yourself it is just a trigger, it will pass, then practice healthy coping strategies.
Create new traditions.
Prioritize your emotional health.
Surround yourself with the people who matter to you.
Express and set healthy boundaries with family members.
Give yourself permission to say “no” and to leave events when feeling overwhelmed.

Author: Cindy Rose, LPC Candidate. Cindy is a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Managing Loss During the Holidays

Sun, 04 Dec 2022 16:30:09 GMT

by Kay Gackle, LMFT

As we enter the Holiday Season, full of family gatherings, activities and parties, we anticipate times of celebration with family and friends. For many, this can be a sweet time filled with joy and laughter, and for others of us, it can be a stark reminder of loss: Loss of a loved one, loss of a future that is now so different from we thought it would be, loss of a relationship, loss of a job - there are many types of loss.

You know what the grieving entails and heading into it all seems overwhelming.

Loss is the state or feeling of grief when deprived of someone or something of great value. And more often a loss is compounded by other losses that are related. For instance, perhaps you recently were divorced, and now this holiday season you have to navigate splitting up the children for the holidays, dealing with financial strains, being a new place, and setting up new traditions. The divorce maybe the primary loss, but, its the continual secondary losses that are also present. Or, perhaps a loved one has died, and this season you are facing all the firsts without that person. You are unsure what this time of year will look like or feel like without that loved one. Perhaps they have been gone for a few years already and you know how hard this time of year can be for you. You know what the grieving entails and heading into it all seems overwhelming. For me, I lost my mom 2 years ago. I have already been through the year of firsts, but each holiday season brings a reminder of her absence. When we eat the traditional Christmas morning breakfast, it’s a reminder that she wasn’t there to cook it this year; when my kids open their gifts, Lili (what they called my mom) isn’t there to sit with them; and Christmas Eve celebrations are hosted by my sister now instead of us gathering at my mom’s house. I know this will all happen without her again this year, and yet I will still grieve.

Grieving is hard. Heading into the season with some understanding about grief can help to manage the losses we are experiencing and better equip us to know what to do in facing it. Acknowledging the loss and self-care are ways we can do this during the holidays.

Acknowledge the loss

This might sound obvious, but it is important to acknowledge the loss, how our life has changed, and how we have changed. We acknowledge our feelings about the loss both in the present and the future. How is it affecting us today and this year? In what ways will it impact our future? Sometimes it is the unknown that can cause the most suffering during the holidays. Acknowledging all that surrounds the loss can help us manage it and face it.

Provide Self-Care

Self-care during this time is also very important. Maybe others around you have not suffered the same loss directly; or perhaps there are some that have, yet they are grieving differently. Not everyone grieves in the same way or at the same time. Since grieving is a unique experience, it is important to take the time you need to process the loss. This can look like giving yourself some time that is set aside, whether it’s 10 min or a few hours, to focus on the loss during the business of the holidays. Remember, people may not always understand our needs at those moments. That’s okay. We can have the courage to do what we need to do for our journey and offer others that same grace and space as well.

Author: Kay Gackle, LMFT.Kay is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the State of Oklahoma and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

What’s in Your Bag?

Sat, 03 Dec 2022 21:05:47 GMT

By Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

There was a time in my life where the word “forgiveness” was a four letter word. Just hearing the word “forgiveness” struck the deepest cords of anger and hurt. How do you wrap your mind around something that seems nearly unforgivable? As a therapist, I have seen so much hurt and anger coming from wounds inflicted by others, by loss, and often by a series of difficult circumstances. But, this time the pain was mine, and it was deep, and it was personal. It caused ripples in every area of my life including severing key relationships in my life. At times it felt like I was like walking headfirst into a blizzard, blindly: Each step taking my breath away, as I walked into uncertainty. But, each step I didn’t take could lead to certain death.

Have you felt this kind of pain? Or maybe it’s a different kind of pain? Have you suffered through difficult circumstances, losses or even ongoing painful relationships? Many of those get amplified during the Holidays, with each commercial for a Holiday meal reminding you of what you don’t have. Or the very mention of family gatherings or gift giving, can bring anxiety, stress, or in the case of lost loved ones, gut-wrenching pain.

As our family walked through these dark hours, I began to carry around a new bag, stuffed with emotions that typically weren’t mine to carry. One of the most profound was “anger.” It was the kind of anger that looked more like hate and it ate away at me. This was pain deeper than I had ever imagined, leaving me in circumstances that were unfamiliar and a future I feared more than hoped for. This “bag” was heavy and I knew it would define me if I allowed it to. I also realized that I could shove that bag behind some stuff in a “closet” of unaddressed emotions and try to forget about it and just move forward. But this bag was big, and it was toxic. And, it wasn’t going anywhere, if I didn’t do something about it myself.

Moving forward was so hard. I recalled the words of Mother Teresa, “You don’t know God is all you need, until He’s all you’ve got.” We’d lost so much, but I still had my husband and two kids, so as best as I could, I tried to believe her. I grabbed on her words like a lifeline, trying to move forward, watching pieces begin to fall together as we rebuilt our lives. Slowly, I began to step into “hope,” but I still had that “bag of emotions” tucked safely inside of the “closet.” But what I realized was that the word “forgiveness” is actually quite powerful, because each time I heard it, that “bag of emotions” would come tumbling out of the closet and spill itself all over the floor, leaving me raw, overwhelmed and angry. The word “forgiveness” actually stopped me in my tracks and showed me exactly where I was in my own healing. As a therapist, I knew I couldn’t stay here. Because typically a word like forgiveness doesn’t trigger anger.

I was challenged by someone to write letters that I would never send, to those who hurt me and my family, I pushed through the walls of anger and exposed raw pain that the anger had covered up, blocking me from my own healing. It was hard and I worked through grief I didn’t expect. But, I also learned several things:

I could get through it.
God is enough.
There is actual freedom on the other side.
I had to go through all of the stages of grief to experience that freedom, and any pit stop in the areas of anger/blame/resentment, or bargaining/guilt/codependency, or denial in any form would only serve to block me from dealing with the pain.
Dealing with pain, was exactly what led to my own recovery.
Forgiveness came naturally for the first time, after I allowed myself to go into the dark places of my pain.
And, I will never forget a lady named “Leslie” who walked through this painstaking journey with me.

In the Bible, Jesus says to forgive not 7 times, but 70x7. I always believed that this symbolized a type of forgiveness that knew no limits; but, I also wonder if perhaps Jesus says this because He understood that real forgiveness might be a process? But, it also says to forgive as we have been forgiven, as an essential to being made right with God. And, it isn’t just asked in the Christian Faith, it’s expected. So, out of obedience, we step into it, 70x7, until it isn’t just words or a behavior: it is a true heart change, and includes the healing and freedom that we desire.

So, if you will bear with me, a few more thoughts on forgiveness. I’ve had the honor of walking through this process with people who have had great difficulty in forgiving themselves for something. I want to remind you of the power of forgiving yourself. We are all human. We all make mistakes and decisions that we wish we could re-write. But, I want to offer to you that if you can hang in there through the guilt, shame and repentances that may need to be made, you may truly have an opportunity to experience God’s love and forgiveness on a greater level than you ever imagined.

In the Bible there was the story of the prostitute who was about to be stoned to death by religious others, and met Jesus in the context of a profound, short, but life-changing conversation. (John 8:1-11) The religious teachers and Pharisees asked Jesus if they should “stone” her as Moses had indicated. Jesus drew something in the sand and then stood and said, “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” Each realizing they too had fallen short in various ways, dropped their stones and walked away. Here is the pivotal piece: Jesus then says to her, “Where are your accusers?” She says, “No one, Lord.” She looked up, out of fear and shame, and meet Jesus, eye to eye. I believe He asked her to look up, to see He had seen her, protected her, and forgave her. Then He says, “Then neither do I condemn. Go no more in sin.” He is relational. He forgives. He gives new beginnings. He calls us to greater things. We are loved. Not because of what we do, but because of who He is.

Forgiveness is such a complex concept that no article could ever do it justice. I don’t know that it is ours to impose the act of forgiveness on another, but, the answer to this question often helps us to gauge where we are in our own healing process. And, the emotions that are revealed often act as the guide. Surely, forgiving another is a blessing that can be beyond comprehension, for the forgiven. But this article was actually written for the broken-hearted, struggling to forgive.

I told you of the bag of emotions that blocked my own healing for a time... So, tell me, what’s in your bag?

- Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT is a Staff Therapist at TLCC

Practicing Gratefulness… Noticing and Appreciating the Good

Sat, 03 Dec 2022 17:28:26 GMT

By Tiffany Fuller, LMFT

This is our second in a series of 2 articles on “Gratitude.”

Gratitude is not minimizing or denying. It is not pretending. According to Robert Emmons (2010), gratitude has two components-identifying the good (affirmation) and recognizing that the source of that good is outside you.Gratitude shifts the lens of attention to notice and appreciate goodness in the every day - the taste of your morning cup of coffee or maybe the warmth of the cashier’s smile as she wishes you a nice day. These small acts of kindness and moments of pleasure are easy to overlook. It takes practice to tune in, to “hold” the goodness for long enough it makes an impact. Current neuroscience research tells us that our brains encode negative experience into memory quickly (take a moment and think of a frustrating conversation you’ve had recently….probably not that difficult.) However, encoding positive memories is tricky. Implicit memory systems act like Teflon, allowing the good to slide off- unless we practice turning the fact of something good into an embodied experience. Unless we sit with our awareness of the good, taking it in with our senses long enough that it moves from short to long-term memory (Hanson, 2013, p.25-27). Fortunately, it only takes 20 seconds of tuning in - of engaging our attention with sights, smells, sounds, textures and even our emotional response to whatever “good” we are experiencing- and we’ve created a new neural pathway. A road that can develop into a mental superhighway that moves us towards contentment and wellness, with a little practice.

A gratitude practice also helps to change internal dialogue. The background noise of complaint that often runs on auto-pilot…”why are they driving so slow, I mean who goes BELOW the speed limit ?!?” is halted by the influx of a new vocabulary:The language of wonder (those little “wow! moments” you’ve practiced noticing throughout the day). Maybe you’re more aware of a colleague’s graceful response in a tense meeting (or your own!), or you appreciate a teammate’s differing perspective, or maybe that gnarled old tree at the end of the block is no longer an eyesore, but a marvel of flexibility and strength enduring winds of change. The mundane can become a pathway to a deeper experience of connection and aliveness as we build the gratitude muscle.

When you engage your attention to notice the good, and sit with it, your experience changes. For me, it looks like this. Instead of flying by that moment when my teenage son hugged me before he left for school, I took 20-30 seconds to stay in the moment. I noticed how happy I felt as he smiled at me. I breathed in the combination scent of clean shower and sleepy-boy. I felt the weight of his almost 6’3’’ frame as he bent and rested against me. I was aware of my thoughts,“how quickly time passes” and “I’m so glad I’m his mom”. My body felt relaxed, peaceful yet energized as I soaked in all the goodness. I connected with how thankful I was for this moment with my son. This normal everyday moment that held so much richness, when I paused long enough to be fully aware of it.

Practicing gratitude helps shift perspective. The more I notice and am thankful for the good, the more goodness I perceive-even in moments that seem, frankly, not so good. It has become an essential part of self-care, and a wellspring to draw from when life gets challenging.

Benefits of Gratitude:

Resilience
Increase in experience of positive emotion; greater joy, pleasure
More alert, awake
Stronger immune system
Decrease in blood pressure
Better sleep
Feel less isolated
Increase in compassion, forgiveness

(Emmons, 2010)

Tips to begin:

Write down 3-5 things you are grateful for each day for a month (notice any changes in experience-thoughts, feelings, perspective, mood, behavior etc.)
Practice tuning-in to the good for 20 seconds-engage as many senses as possible
Write a note by hand and express gratitude for someone else- a quality you appreciate, or an action that touched you.
Prayers of thanksgiving

Resources

Emmons, R. (2007). Thanks! How the new science of gratitude can make you

happier. New York: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

Emmons, R. (2010, November 16). Why gratitude is good. Retrieved from

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_gratitude_is_good

Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness. New York: Harmony.

Author: Tiffany Fuller, LMFT.Tiffany is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the State of Oklahoma and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Trainings and Resources

Fri, 02 Dec 2022 20:20:30 GMT

TLCC offers trainings, CEUs and networking opportunities to it’s staff members and extends these opportunities to those in the counseling community, as well. This past month we met with an Outreach Manager from the Amen Clinics, in Dallas, and, we enjoyed an informative training from Dr. Robert Spencer, from The Fatigue Center, here in Edmond. Please see an overview of each, to determine if you, or someone you know might benefit from their services.

Fixing Fatigue May Help Fight Depression, Robert Spencer, MD

Depression and Fatigue are closely related. While they are not specific to each other, people who are depressed are 2-3 times more likely to experience fatigue. Fatigue, especially symptoms of insomnia and poor concentration, are strong predictors of depression. Residual fatigue in depression not only contributes to quality-of-life deterioration, but also appears to be a major risk factor for long-term depression and relapse. Numerous studies show that correcting hormones, thyroid, vitamin levels, food allergies, sleep, leaky gut, anemia and obesity can have positive effects on depression and it’s symptoms. Heavy metals, viruses and other environmental contaminants can also play a role in depression.

I‘d like to introduce myself. My name is Robert Spencer, MD, and in 2014, I became ill. I developed extreme shortness of breath, fatigue, rashes, depression and fibromyalgia-type symptoms. Immediately, I started on an SSRI, prior to researching other possible causes. My body did not react well to the antidepressant. Six months later I was found to have Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, low magnesium, low testosterone and low vitamin D levels. My food allergies became intolerable. Over the next eight years, I spent time researching how to fight fatigue and make myself feel better. All this research led to the opening of our clinic, The Fatigue Center, in October of 2022.

We are located in Edmond, OK at 18th and Kelly. Our clinic evaluates hydration status, sleep patterns, environmental allergies, food allergies and nutritional value of current diet. We also review chronic illnesses and medications that may be adding to fatigue, screen for depression, evaluate any antidepressant and the patient’s reaction to that medication. We screen for rheumatic disease, hormonal issues, thyroid issues, undiagnosed infectious diseases, chronic fatigue syndrome, adrenal fatigue, anemia, electrolyte abnormalities, tick-borne illnesses, heavy metals, inflammation, vitamin deficiencies, bowel/absorption issues and more. If you or a loved one is suffering from depression and fatigue, please give us a call at (405) 849-9772 or message us at info@fatiguecenter.com .

Dr. Robert Spencer, works at the Fatigue Center, in Edmond, OK.

Amen Clinics

Members of TLCC Staff recently met with Shelli King, a clinic outreach manager from the Amen Clinics, to hear more about services that can benefit our clients here at Transforming Life Counseling Center. The Amen Clinics is one of the world leaders in applying brain imaging science and various therapies to help people heal from emotional and psychiatric disorders; behavioral challenges, such as, addictions, weight control; cognitive problems, such as Alzheimer’s/Dementia; and, learning challenges, such as ADHD, to name a few.

“The Amen Clinics Method is a multi-modal approach to treatment that uncovers the root cause of our patient’s issues or challenges that are not discovered by traditional psychiatry. We believe it is critical to look at your brain within the context of your life, which includes biological, psychological, social, and spiritual influences. We use brain SPECT imaging, which measures blood flow and activity in the brain to help us more accurately diagnose and treat your needs. A full valuation includes two brain SPECT imaging studies. One study is done while at rest and the second after a concentration task is given.

We provide our patients with a personalized treatment plan that is specific to their individual needs. We take a unique brain-body approach to treatment to heal the underlying issues that cause symptoms. We believe in using the least toxic, most effective solutions. However, when medication is necessary, it is prescribed as part of a complete treatment program. It is all customized to support our client’s specific brain type.”

For more information about the Amen Clinics and the types of services available for you or a loved one, please visit www.amenclinics.com or call 1-855-400-4207.

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Fri, 02 Dec 2022 20:10:02 GMT

Transforming Life Counseling Center is pleased to bring quality therapists in to support the counseling needs of our community. We welcome our three newest Staff Members: Derek Colvin, LPC, Roberta Heath, LMFT, and Victoria Scoville, LCSW. They join our team of licensed counselors, each bringing in new areas of training and can bill a variety of insurance panels. Their bios are below and online.

In addition to our licensed staff, TLCC also has pre-licensed candidates and interns receive supervision by our therapists and can offer lower fees in an effort to support clients needing therapy at a lower cost.

For more information about our therapists, insurances we take and fees, our phone number is (405)246-5433.

Changing faces: Continued vision of excellence and care

Thu, 01 Dec 2022 19:57:57 GMT

Transforming Life Counseling Center opened it’s doors in 2007 under the leadership of Kyle McGraw and several others, with a commitment to providing excellence in psychological counseling and care to individuals and relationships in our community. Our foundation of Christian faith has been a cornerstone to our work, yet our doors remain open to people of all walks of faith.

Since 2016, Kyle McGraw led TLCC on his own, with the help of his wife Cheryl. He tirelessly led through the pandemic, adding new therapists, as we needed, to help provide care for our community’s needs. His consistency, commitment to excellence, care and attention to detail has been a constant in our offices. He is a big part of why our Counseling Center offers a place where people say, “it’s so comforting here,” or “ it feels like a home.”

TLCC offers our sincere gratitude to Kyle and Cheryl as they step into a new adventure. It is with sadness we say goodbye to him, but offer our prayers and support for a bright future for them, and their new Center ( www.awccok.com ) in East Edmond, where he begins a new venture in addictions work and addiction related counseling services at The Addiction and Wellness Counseling Center of Oklahoma, here in Edmond. Thank you, Kyle and Cheryl, you will both be dearly missed.

Meet the New Owners…

Thu, 01 Dec 2022 19:55:14 GMT

Victoria Scoville, LCSW and Caleb Scoville, LPC have stepped in to continue the vision and mission of TLCC. They bring new talent and training, and a vision of carrying TLCC forward with the same heartfelt commitment to offering a place of hope and healing. Our Center is a unique place where our therapists care deeply about our “work home,” and for our clients. It is from this place that we can collaborate and support each other, as we offer that same care and respect for our clients, and the important healing journey each is on.

Caleb has worked at TLCC for nearly eight years and brings a background in working with children, adolescents, adults, and families experiencing an array of mental health struggles. Caleb’s mission is to work with families by helping them persevere through significant issues of trauma and adjustment in their lives. Additionally, Caleb has a particular interest and heart for working with families affected by medical diagnoses (particularly Cancer), terminal illness, or loss of a loved one due to death or divorce. In addition to his education and faith, Caleb's understanding is aided by his personal experience as a 3x brain tumor survivor and has worked in settings across the country with cancer patients and their families. TLCC has long prided itself on creating a warm and welcoming environment for all who enter its doors. This is something Caleb has helped do at TLCC for years and hopes to continue the reigns of doing as a therapist and co-owner with his wife Victoria.

Although Victoria is a new face at TLCC, she is not new to the field and has supported and participated in TLCC functions alongside her husband, Caleb, for many years. Victoria has always had a passion for helping others and began her professional journey in the mental health field in 2010. She comes to TLCC with a background that expands the outreach of TLCC into serving infants, young children, and their families ages pre-natal through 5 years old. As an Endorsed Infant Mental Health Specialist by the Oklahoma Association of Infant Mental Health, she brings experience and expertise that adds to the already well-versed TLCC team. Victoria hopes to use her experience in the non-profit sector along with her clinical work with infants, children, adolescents, and their families to continue the outreach of providing quality services to our community. As an experienced provider in the mental health field, she joins her husband, Caleb, to continue to lead the TLCC team in ways that honor the leadership that came before and strives to continue to meet the mental health needs of the community through quality mental health services.

Feeling the Graduation Feels

Wed, 01 Jun 2022 16:12:55 GMT

By Kristen Hatton, LPC Candidate

My schedule had been so full counseling others that I hadn’t had time to “feel my feelings” as I encourage my clients to do. But it was time. Graduation for my baby was around the corner. Since the way I best process comes through writing, I was up early, sitting down to be still and see what comes.

I couldn’t watch a football scene in “Friday Night Lights” (our longtime favorite series that we restarted again) without tearing up. At the Y during a workout class, I teared up during the warm-up chant, “I believe that we will win!” At dinner one night, imagining where we would be sitting two weeks from then, my eyes watered up again. The end felt surreal. Really, where did the years go? We moved to Oklahoma and he was in Pre-K.

At the end of football season in November, I didn’t think I could be sadder at graduation. I also thought because we’ve graduated two before, and Pete and I prepped for the empty-nester years in 2021 with our ABC dating , I would be fine. Turns out, closing this chapter is as hard as others told me it would be.

We have loved the teen years! Not all of it—certainly there were times I wouldn’t repeat. But over the last 13 years of parenting through the pre-teen and teen years, the energy, laughter and noise of kids filling our home, the friendships we’ve made with so many parents, the school activities and sporting events have defined our life in Oklahoma. While close friendships will remain, no longer will we gather in the places where parents naturally are. The void of activities that have dotted our calendars for years already saddens me.

What really gets me is thinking about the final empty chair at the dinner table. Knowing too, there will not be the spontaneous chess competition or the swiping of my favorite blanket as the three of us settle into our living room spots to watch whatever series we’re on. Even the floor not scattered with seven pairs of shoes, or the half-full glasses of tea no longer left out on multiple countertops I will miss. These things, so endearing of my youngest, leads me to the grief and loss swirling within me.

Oh, at last–the feeling: Grief. We don’t always recognize or name the various losses that are a part of our normal, everyday experiences as grief. Doing so, though, is the way through it. I need to sit in the loss of what has been my reality for nearly a quarter-century. Not giving myself that space—or giving others that space when loss (any loss or transition, big or small, has occurred)—can lead to resentment, bitterness, numbness. So, as I write, I see my need for unscheduled space to reminisce, to soak in these final days, to just be.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep , and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn , and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose ;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away ;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)”

If you have a senior, as excited as we may be for their future, family life will never be exactly again the same. I encourage you not to dismiss the sadness. Time for grief is healthy.

If you know a parent with a senior and feel she/he has been unavailable lately–in part, the impending loss may be why. I know, true of me. So, allow them the space to soak up the lasts and remember what was.

As a parent who has gotten to the other side of graduation with my first two, and also witnessed friends embrace the freedom of an empty nest, I know that time will come for me too. Just not quite yet.

Kristen Hatton is a LPC Candidate at TLCC. Her website for books and blog is www.KristenHatton.com

What can we learn from Cancer Patients?

Tue, 31 May 2022 16:03:24 GMT

By Caleb Scoville, LPC

Cancer is a scary diagnosis. Renegade cells attack the body, we hear things from medical professionals and remember prior knowledge of what we have seen and heard prompting many to fear how their body will respond physically and emotionally. Cancer also raises many questions that we shy away from unless we are faced with directly. However, Cancer and other chronic illnesses can be a wakeup call if we are listening.

Cancer has a way of reminding people that time is a valuable, non-negotiable, and a non-renewable resource. That said, how do we look at the bigger picture of life and what is truly important?

Focus on Relationships

We were not meant to do this life alone, few regret time spent cultivating meaningful relationships regardless of life circumstances.

I sometimes play “ the Ungame” with children and teens I see. An essential part of this game is landing your playing piece on the Ungame square and then drawing a card and answering the question. Of the two question decks of cards, I refer to deck 2 as “the deeper questions.” One of those questions is “What do you want your last words to be?” I am intrigued by the range of responses I receive. Ask yourself that question... Did you picture yourself saying that to someone who means a lot to you? Ask yourself another question. Are you making time for that person and others in your life?

Trim The Fat

Yes, dieting and exercise is a great way to be healthy at any stage of life…

But I am referring to something else. Our homes—and our lives— we all have a tendency to fill them with clutter and hang on to things we do not need. A cancer diagnosis can become the catalyst for housekeeping of the heart as we realize what is truly important to us. It is also a good time to reflect on spiritual matters as they clarify what is essential.

“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Speak your Heart

It is good for all of us to review and consider our relationships. If we love people, why not let them know how much they mean to us? If we have hurt people or offended them in some way, why not seek their forgiveness and do what we can to make it right?

Who are the most important people in your life? Have you meaningfully shared with them lately?

“A heart at peace gives rest to the body.” Proverbs 14:30

Set New Goals

It can be tempting to wait for a difficult season to be over. “When I’m better, then I will take that trip.” “When I am better, then I will _____.” Why not do what you are able to now? Why hold back on something that could bring you joy and peace of mind, something to promote your life forward in some meaningful way? I implore you to find what you care about and look forward to. Then dream some dreams, set some goals, and do what you can to make it happen.

Many cancer patients find that their experiences have helped them clarify and simplify their priorities—they have discovered for themselves what is most important. Some cancer patients will recognize how much the care and concern of others have meant to them—and now they want to give back.

What can we learn from this?

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles,
so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Adapted From Our Journey of Hope: Cancer Treatment Centers of America

Caleb Scoville, LPC is a staff therapist at TLCC

(Don’t) Think Like a Guinea Pig – Part 2

Tue, 31 May 2022 15:55:37 GMT

Kevin Tutty, LPC, Staff Therapist

Last time, we talked about how Patches’ instinct dictated his behaviors. Today, I wanted to share an instance of fight or flight response in my son’s Guinea Pig.

Patches was on my lap while I had my feet up in my recliner. He was pretty content, as his eyes were almost closed. My wife Leslie wanted to show me a Bible verse and came from behind us, flipping her Bible open. All of a sudden, Patches ran down to my feet very quickly without warning!

The only thing we could come up with as a reason for Patches’ response was that he thought the Bible opening sounded like a bird swooping down on him. (We hope he doesn’t have anything against the Bible!) Nevertheless, when the fight or flight response kicked in, he thought a bird was coming down to get him, even though he was resting in my lap.

The part of the brain controlling the fight or flight response, the limbic system, does not take into account time. When a traumatic memory is triggered, the limbic system activates the fight or flight response immediately as a self-protective mechanism. I thought of how Patches’ behaviors are mostly dictated by his survival instinct. In his estimation, at any time, a predator could be his demise. Therefore, he is constantly on alert, ready to scurry for his life!

When we have a traumatic event happen, we may be unable to connect the traumatic event to what is triggering the emotional response. We may not realize a trigger like a horn honking, a song playing or a phone ringing that would be occurring at the time of a traumatic event. In an effort to protect itself, our brain has disconnected the trigger to the event, so it doesn’t have to deal with the trauma. When the trigger occurs, our brain automatically causes the limbic system in our brain to activate a fight or flight response. If the trauma is severe enough, we may not even realize we are in the present time and place, thinking we are back in the time and place of the traumatic event.

Connecting the traumatic event to the trigger is how healing begins. This healing can be accomplished by Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or EMDR, a treatment that uses the brain’s ability to heal itself to reduce trauma responses. There are a number of therapists who can perform EMDR at TLCC. We don’t have to live much of our life in fear of predators like it seems Patches does, even though I think he has a great home. His has to live by instinct, but we don’t have to!

Kevin Tutty, LPC is a staff therapist at TLCC

Fear of Intimacy and Shame: The Unconscious Saboteurs

Mon, 30 May 2022 15:48:14 GMT

By Chris Eversole, Mental Health Coach

All of us need social connections. In fact, our brains need connections with our caregivers from the time we are conceived. A key early connection is between parent and child – coddling and mirroring each other’s facial expressions and voice. This synergy is essential for brain development.

Kids need for their caregivers to love, nurture, protect and accept them. When children don’t have these needs met, they suffer. Their symptoms can include depression, anxiety, aggressiveness and self-destructive behavior.

Another side-effect of adverse childhood experiences can be a fear of intimacy. Intimacy means "into me see," being comfortable sharing your opinions, likes, dislikes, fears, hurts, regrets, hopes and dreams. Intimacy involved being genuine and transparent in your close relationships. If you are afraid of intimacy, you only show people a mask, and you don’t allow others to see your inner self, your soul. When we resist exposing ourselves intimately, we’re in a lonely place.

So, what makes some people afraid to let other people know who they really are? At the core of this fear is shame. Kids often live in shame if their caregivers don’t meet their need but instead abuse or neglect them or even if their home is mostly dysfunctional.

Shame is believing you’re defective, not good enough, unworthy, unlovable, incompetent or bad. Kids internalize ongoing shame when their caretakers don’t meet their needs. Children aren’t mature enough to think through “I’m OK” and my abusive or neglectful father isn’t OK. They may learn to survive by concluding that “there must be something wrong with me that dad is always angry with me.”

Since children who grow up in a generally dysfunctional home feel defective and unworthy, they struggle to develop healthy intimate relationships. At some point, many such people lament a broken relationship. If they explore why their relationship fractured, they can learn that unconscious saboteurs haunt them – shame and a fear of intimacy.

Let’s explore how shame leads to a fear of intimacy. If you’re convinced you don’t deserve love and yet you begin to fall in love, you experience an emotional crisis. It goes like this: "I’m lonely, and I want to have a partner in life, but if I let you get too close to me, you certainly will ‘find me out’ and realize I’m not who you think I am. Actually, I’m the loser that I know I am. If you know who I am, you’ll abandon me, and I’ll suffer.”

So, how do people dominated by shame resolve this crisis? They might sabotage the relationship by criticizing and arguing with their partners, even cheating on them and lying to them. These actions, which are often subconscious, create emotional distance from your partner.

Other people who are torn between their desire to be in a loving relationship and their self-sabotage avoid intimacy altogether by choosing emotionally unavailable partners, such as an alcoholic or someone also has a fear of intimacy.

Other people dominated by shame and fear of intimacy might go up and down like a "yo-yo" with their partners. Here’s the scenario: When they become too emotionally close to someone, it triggers their fear of intimacy, so they pick a fight or criticize their partner to create emotional distance. Then, when the relationship becomes too distant, they fear losing their partner and then reel him or her back in. This cycle repeats itself over and over, just like a yo-yo does.

Another strategy for dealing with shame and a fear of intimacy is by becoming controlling and possessive. Shame-filled people may strive to put their partners in a cage for which they have the only key – attempting to feel safe. Naturally, this approach can becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because the partner who is disrespected eventually becomes sick of it and abandons them.

None of these strategies for coping with shame and fear of intimacy are healthy. They’re all dysfunctional and are guaranteed to sabotage relationships.

So, how can you overcome our shame and fear of intimacy, how you can become able to participate in healthy intimate relationships?

First, you can come to understand and recognize the unconscious saboteurs within –shame and fear of intimacy, the old programming from a dysfunctional childhood, notes Carl Benedict, a licensed counselor and creator of serenityonlinetherapy.com .

Next, you can learn to feel the fear and shame, and instead of avoiding these uncomfortable feelings, you can strive to observe and accept them while moving forward, one step at a time, by practicing and learning healthy relationship skills. This is a challenging process, and a member of the Transforming Life Counseling Center staff can help you with it.

Chris Eversole is mental health coach at TLCC.

UCO Honors Team Members

Sun, 29 May 2022 15:32:00 GMT

TLCC staff members Darian Smith and David Martin have been named the Students of the Year in the Addictions Counseling program at the University of Central Oklahoma. Darian, who graduated in May, is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug/Mental Health Candidate. David, who plans to graduate in December, is a Counseling Intern.

Darian enjoys working with teens and families while utilizing holistic, integrative approaches, including client-centered, family systems and strengths-based therapies.

Inspired by his own recovery journey, David returned to school so he could help others on their recovery journey. He has a passion for empowering people to improve their relationships and circumstances and find sobriety.

UCO’s Addictions Counseling program is a top program in its field, according to AddictionCounselor.org. UCO ranks 44 out of 50 and is the only higher education institution in Oklahoma recognized on the list.

New Faces at TLCC!

Sun, 29 May 2022 15:15:56 GMT

Our team of counselors continues to grow at Transforming Life Counseling Center, offering increased opportunities for our client referrals to be seen more quickly. As many may know, the field of counseling, in general, continues to be challenged to take on larger caseloads in an effort to keep up with the growing needs in our communities. TLCC is no different. We are pleased to bring quality therapists in to support this need. Our pre-licensed candidates and interns receive supervision by our therapists and can offer lower fees in an effort to support clients needing therapy at a lower cost.

Please meet Cindy Rose, Kayleigh Alameda, Riley Hancock, and David Martin. Their bios are below and online. For more information, our phone number is (405) 246-5433.

Cindy Rose, LPC Candidate

Riley Hancock, Counseling Intern

Kayleigh Alameda, Counseling Intern

David Martin, Counseling Intern

Eating Disorders 101

Wed, 30 Mar 2022 18:43:08 GMT

By Tim Fenton

Who’s Got Resilience Mojo & Why??? Resilience Building – Part 1

Tue, 29 Mar 2022 18:55:04 GMT

By Jessica Dixon-Neal

RESILIENCE – it’s a word we hear describing a person or a person’s specific ability, right? Webster’s dictionary defines resilience as “the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. A capability to recover one’s size and shape after deformation caused by extreme or compressive stress.”

PHEW....extreme or compressive stress. Does that sound painful and awfully familiar? It certainly does to me.

As we each begin to work on recovering our own size, shape, misfortune and change brought about by the world’s events and the two-year pandemic, our human spirit is being tested.

Many have bounced back, powered through and adapted; while many others have struggled and wondered if they will make it. What is the difference for those who seem to adapt well and remain positive? What gives them this super-human ability to endure even life’s toughest, scariest or saddest curveballs?

Research shows a common thread that exists among highly resilient people is the ability to be flexible in how they think and respond to stress. Sounds simple, right? For some, stress can trigger a subconscious safety response (think fight, flight, freeze), making it downright difficult to be resilient.

Hang on, there is some GOOD NEWS – resilience is not a personality trait. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO INCREASE YOUR RESILIENCE!

So, how can you increase your resilience mojo? According to an article written by NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), there are a few daily strategies to help build your overall resilience: 

Practice Radical Acceptance – accepting the current situation for what it is and accepting the uncertainties we cannot control. You may not be able to avoid or change the source of pain  or discomfort, but you can learn to slowly change the way you feel about it internally (see #3). 
Embrace Realistic Optimism – identify challenges and overcome them by focusing on the things you can help solve (rather than the things that are out of our control). Believe in your own  ability to make a difference through your own efforts. 
Practice Positivity and Mindfulness – joy, gratitude, serenity, hope, humor, inspiration, love, etc. can occur in even the most adverse circumstances. Intentionally practicing mindfulness  techniques and broadening your positivity awareness will help build your mental skills for  resilience. 
Reach Out to Others – connection with others is a key part of resilience. Seek out and offer  support to friends, family, neighbors in need, and, when you need support – learn to ask for it. Knowing when you need help is not weakness. It is self-awareness, and this builds resilience!

Stay tuned for “Resilience Building – Parts, 2, 3, & 4,” where we will deep dive into each of these resilience-building, mojo-making strategies to better understand our own capacity for increasing our abilities to be flexible in how we think and respond to stress.

Jessica Dixon-Neal is a licensed professional counselor candidate at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Learning to Shake Off Trauma

Tue, 29 Mar 2022 18:30:11 GMT

By Chris Eversole

In It for The Long Run

Mon, 28 Mar 2022 18:24:54 GMT

By Kay Gackle

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Heb. 12:1-3)

These last few years have felt like a long run, a very long run; and at times it feels like we are still running. What I know about running is that there is a starting line where you are just in the beginning of it all; there is excitement, anticipation and adrenaline. We don’t know what the race will look like, but we are committed to running it well.

Then there’s the runner’s high, this sense of euphoria that helps runners feel relaxed and calm. You are feeling good, and even this euphoria helps shield against pain from the long bout of exercise, at least temporarily.

Then there’s “hitting the wall” – the dreaded point and awful feeling similar to what your body would feel like if you ran into a wall that you can experience during a race when your muscle glycogen stores become so depleted and a feeling of fatigue engulfs you. At each of the moments in a race, runners have a choice on what they will do when they experience this.

These last two years have felt a little similar to the experience of running; when everything first shut down, we headed into the unknown with anticipation, had hope that it would be over soon and that there was a finish line, and felt the adrenaline that helped us make the best of being at home in this new way of life. Then a “runner’s high” where we maybe even experienced a little joy at the extra family time and the slowing down of life. Then we hit a wall where we felt so depleted and fatigued and the finish line seemed nowhere in sight or even possible to cross. Some of us are still there. We are living in the persevering place of this race.

Here are 4 ways to help us persevere:

Shorten the viewpoint
We adjust our race to become short course running and not a marathon. Instead of looking out to the next year or few years, shorten the viewpoint. Maybe shorten it to just next month. From there, define what you want the next month to look like and identify some small, attainable goals that you can hit. Perhaps it’s reading a book, going for more walks or exercising, spending quality time with loved ones or getting more regular sleep. Sometimes when we are feeling really depleted or fatigued, it can feel hard to be motivated. For instance, exercising might feel like it’s too much because in your mind that equals doing something intense for 30 minutes, but just walking around for 5 minutes can be a start to that. If a new goal feels too overwhelming, shorten it up into even smaller actions.
Focus on being whole-achievers instead of high-achievers.
High achieving is a great thing, but often times in our pursuit of this, we neglect some key areas of our life. There is one area that specifically tends to get neglected, and that is the spiritual area our life. Our relationship with God or our lack of relationship with God can impact every other area of our life. On whom we focus while we are persevering matters. The verse above says we fix our eyes on Jesus and to consider Him, then the end of the verse gives us the why, “so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” We need to stay connected to Jesus and the Word to really persevere well.
Zoom In and Out
In times of persevering, it’s helpful to live in a balanced perspective of zoom in and zoom out. If we think about a tree, it’s made up of many leaves. If we zoom in, each of those leaves have their own cells and parts that make up that leaf. If we zoom out, we see the bigger picture, the whole tree. Likewise, we each have different experiences that have made up our trees; when we zoom in, we can see how painful or hard those might have been, but when we zoom back out, we can see how we made it through, lessons we learned, joy we found after that, resilience that was gained from it. Living in this balanced perspective of acknowledging how hard life might be right now and knowing this isn’t the end of the story, rather just another leaf to our full tree, will help us to persevere.
Laugh
There are many studies that show the benefits of laughing. In fact, the study of laughter is called gelotology. It uses multiple parts of the brain and, because of that, laughing helps strengthens neural connections, reduces certain levels of stress hormones and improves your mood. It provides a physical outlet: it is estimated that laughing 100 times equals a full body workout of 10 minutes on a rowing machine! It provides an emotional outlet: it is cathartic and can help us release negative emotions.

Kay Gackle is a licensed marriage and family therapist at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Groups Play a Vital Role at TLCC

Sun, 27 Mar 2022 18:18:58 GMT

By Chris Eversole

At Transforming Life Counseling Center, we are dedicated to working with groups. Our groups are an important supplement to individual and couples counseling.

The advantages of group therapy are:

Members identify with each other, seeing that fellow members face the same challenges they do
Members share solutions
Members connect with each other outside the meeting

Over time, group members grow personally, strengthen their recovery from addictions, become more resilient and repair their relationships. We rejoice in the moments of grace we witness.

Our therapists provide a safe place for people to support each other and get real –

about both their struggles and their victories. Our professionals provide educational material information on topics such as addictions recovery and moving beyond codependency, and they join with group members in sharing information on community resources.

Confidentiality is a basic component of group therapy; “what you say here, stays here.” Our other group norms include honoring each person’s “platform” without talking over them, asking permission to give feedback and being open and vulnerable. In groups, members share, listen and heal – and even learn to accept healthy criticism.

Our groups supplement 12 Steps meetings. Our trained staff encourages more back-and-forth in conversations than 12 Steps meetings permit.

As important as 12 Steps meeting are, they prohibit “cross talk” – because they want members to speak their own truth without criticizing each other. Our staff facilitates healthy cross talk – reminding members to speak in “I” messages while bouncing ideas off each other.

Our groups are:

Taming Trauma, focused on becoming more comfortable in your skin and increasing your sense of safety
Codependency to Discovery, based on owning your reality without judgment and affirming yourself
Men’s addiction and co-dependency recovery
Men’s healthy sexuality
Women’s co-dependency recovery
Girl Talk, which cultivates confidence and self-worth among girls in the sixth through eighth grades

For more information, email info@tlccok.com or call 405-246-5433.

Chris is a mental health coach at TLCC.

Transforming Life Counseling Center is offering two new groups this Spring. One on Taming Trauma and the other on Codependency.

Wed, 23 Feb 2022 21:48:02 GMT

Dating Your Spouse through the ABC's

Wed, 02 Feb 2022 22:23:38 GMT

By Kristen Hatton, LPC Candidate

I always imagined when my husband and I reached our 25 ^th wedding anniversary, we would take a big trip. But last January 27 ^th the dat e snuck up on us during the unpredictability of COVID and while I was finishing grad school and in the throes of planning our daughter’s wedding. Certainly not the right time for anything spectacular. But still, I wanted to make the anniversary special—25 years is a long time!

Considering only one of our children remains at home (a high school senior now), my husband and I find ourselves alone together quite a bit. But being home under the same roof does not necessarily equate with quality time together. In fact, more often than I care to admit, we are either on our own devices or attending to our own tasks, not deliberately investing in one another. I have also found in this stage that without all the school and sporting events anymore, we no longer naturally see friends. Therefore, as much as my husband and I need to be intentional with our time together, we must also be intentional about time with others.

To this end, I had the idea on our anniversary last year to gift my husband a year of dates. The dates could be solo dates or with another couple or group. The catch was each date had to follow along the ABC’s. By this I mean, each date must correlate, in order, with a letter of the alphabet, working our way from A to Z. My thought was this plan would not only get us out of the house, but we would have to be creative, which would lead to fun!

You’ve heard the saying that laughter is the best medicine. Well, as much as couples need transparent, heart-to-heart conversations, we also need laughter and fun. According to renowned psychologist and marriage guru John Gottman, “The opposite of play is not work—it’s depression. When our lives are infused with play, we’re able to see the absurd in the serious and find excitement in the mundane. A relationship without play is a relationship without humor, without flirting, without games and without fantasy. We all need humor, laughter and play. Romance is play. Banter is play.”

Fast-forward a year and along with our 26 ^th anniversary we are closing in on a year of ABC dating, and let me tell you, this year of fun was good for our souls. Life is often so serious, we needed to spice it up with some fun. Regardless of your stage in life, whether you’ve been married for a short time or even longer than us, fun helps us rediscover why we fell in love. Fun leads to connectedness, which in turn paves the way to grace. Without time together and laughter with each other, disconnection takes root, which can lead to more easily falling prey to false narratives and grudges toward one another. When we are united, we live more redemptively, showing one another more compassion, grace and forgiveness.

So, this year, I encourage you to commit to regular time together simply for fun. If ABC dating sounds like something you would like to do, I’ve included below a list of our ABC dates. Use these as a springboard to your own version for wherever you live or what works with your budget. If you skip a few weeks or even a month, as was the case for us during wedding planning, football season and the holidays, don’t worry, just keep going as you can. It’s the reason we aren’t quite finished at our year marker. But the point is and the reason I’m sharing is I hope dating your spouse serves to rekindle your relationship, bring contentment and joy and maybe even save you some marriage counseling!

Kristen & Pete’s Year of ABC Dates

A – Anniversary Dinner
B – Billiards and beverages with another couple
C – Cycling and Chinese food delivered at home
D – Driving range to hit golf balls and a local deli for dinner
E – Eighty’s night at a Retro Arcade Pub with another couple
F – Food truck dinner at the OKC Ferris Wheel before going to First Baptist Church for a speaker
G – Go-kart riding on a Sunday afternoon
H – Hildago’s Mexican food
I – Indian food with another couple
J – Jed and Rebecca’s June Wedding Weekend (This was our daughter wedding!!)
K – Kayaking on the Oklahoma River and Kamps restaurant for dinner
L – The Lounge for dinner with our friends Larry and Karin
M – Oklahoma Contemporary Museum, Barrios Mexican in Midtown and then dinner with friends at the McGraw’s.
N – Neon Theme Night with friends on National Golf Club
O – Othello’s Italian restaurant and then home to watch the Olympics
P – Pickleball with friends, the perfect partners Pat and Teri
Q – Quail Springs Mall food court for dinner and scavenger hunt around the mall
R – Rooftop Wedding of Rachel and Vance
S – Singo (musical bingo) at a local restaurant with friends
T – Thunder basketball game with Teri and Pat
U – Ugly Christmas sweaters to Uptown Grocery for the Ultimate Bake-off Competition
V – Vast restaurant for appetizers
W – The Wedge for pizza
XYZ – to be continued….

Originally posted on Kristen’s website www.kristenhatton.com

Kristen is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) Candidate at TLCC.

When Courage Meets Care

Tue, 01 Feb 2022 22:17:44 GMT

by Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

The last couple of years have been both a privilege, and they have been difficult. Walking alongside many hurting people dealing with the various effects of the pandemic is something I can’t easily put words to. It’s complex because on some level everyone has been affected. Therapists are no different. Taking in the level of grief, fear, confusion and the many different perspectives on world events has constantly been an eye-opening experience. It’s been heavy. But, like I said, it’s been a privilege.

One thing that has spoken loud and clear in the past two years is the true dedication and heroism of our medical professionals. I am so grateful. I have clients, family and friends who have worked on the front lines, caring for people in a field that exposes them to the same disease they have watched many die from. They are my heroes. Here are a few:

A very dear nurse, who has worked on a hospital floor right next to a bulging ICU. Her own floor overcrowded with patients and, for a time, she had to buy her own protective gear because the hospitals weren’t able to fully supply it. She got sick with Covid, ending up in ICU at the very same hospital, this time as a patient. She almost died, and yet, despite a lengthy and compromised recovery period, she still goes to work every week. Her lesson: “I learned how important the little things are in caring for my own patients. After fighting depression for years, when I almost lost my life, I realized how much others cared and that I still want this life.” She’s my hero.

The young ICU Nurse who was tough as nails and smart beyond her years. Week after week, I watched her come in, sit down and put her face in her hands and shake as she sobbed. She told me story after story of patients that she cared for who died from Covid. Many times, this hospital had been understaffed and under-equipped because of nobody’s fault. This brave young lady, wept because she had to go in to work; but, she also wept because she couldn’t NOT go in. She wouldn’t give up, despite the exhaustion, fears of catching the disease herself at times when her own protective gear failed. Hero.

The nurse who saw a dying man who had no family there to be with him. So she entered his room to share his last minutes here on earth because no one should have to die alone. She wouldn’t leave his side, reassuring him with words she didn’t even know she had. She said Jesus has been her companion. Hero

A hospital worker who works in the offices but there is such a shortage because so many were sick, that she works 40 hours beyond her normal 40. Hero

The physician’s assistant who caught Covid, and couldn’t see her 3-year-old for several weeks because she was so sick. Hero

The semi-retired doctor who volunteered to go into a city hit particularly hard by Covid and care for others, despite the fact that his own age put him in a higher risk category. Hero

The doctor who balanced career and motherhood to volunteer additional hours to immunize people because she’d seen so many sick with Covid. Hero

The retired doctor who served as a chief of medicine for years at a large hospital returned to serve on a committee helping to oversee hospital protocols in dealing with Covid citywide. Hero.

An ICU worker who cried tears of gratitude for someone who wrote a check for her department to recognize their sacrifices. Heroes

Hospitals who provided meals to go so that the exhausted staff could go home and have a hot meal after their shift. Heroes.

For those who go to work everyday, caring for the health and well-being of others every day. Thank you. You are heroes.

In difficult times, few things are as powerful as compassion for another. Some of these stories have been heartbreaking, but each one illustrates a person sacrificing above and beyond to care for others. “Intense love does not measure. It just gives,” Mother Teresa said. Thank you to all serving in the many facets of the healthcare industry. You deserve to know you make a difference, because you do.

(Don’t) Think Like a Guinea Pig

Mon, 31 Jan 2022 22:11:13 GMT

Kevin Tutty, Licensed Practical Counselor

At our house, we have become proud guinea pig owners. I would have never guessed, but over the past year, Patches has truly become “one of the family.” Observing his character traits have been interesting to me. He is a very careful little guy. While he trusts us, he’s rarely at ease. Even the slightest disturbance can put him on “high alert,” causing him to chatter a great deal!

This heightened state of awareness is where he seems to be much of the time. It is almost like he is in a “fight or flight” mode as a default. For guinea pigs, it seems, predators can come out of nowhere! When you are near the bottom of the food-chain, what are you supposed to do? He has to rely on instinct a lot, and instinct is what drives his actions much of the time.

Since guinea pigs don’t have a highly developed frontal lobe in their brain like we do, Patches is less able to identify situation s that don’t involve immediate danger. It is if he stays in this “fight of flight” default mode, regardless of whether he is in the safety of our home, or out in the wild. This was demonstrated the other day when he got under our china cabinet, and did not want to come out. I heard primal screams coming from him as we attempted to retrieve him. It wasn’t until I was able to move the china cabinet from the wall and coax him out with a stick of celery, that he came out peacefully!

The same situation can happen to us. When we become agitated or anxious, our brain can go into “fight or flight” (or freeze) mode. The part of our brain driving our impulses directs us to flee the situation or fight whoever we think is attacking us. It does not easily recognize the threat isn’t a dangerous or life-threatening situation. The fight/flight/freeze response can be stuck in overdrive after we experience a trauma or just an ongoing series of stressful events.

When this default mode is triggered, we can sometimes bring ourselves out of this situation (if not triggered by a highly traumatic event) by getting the frontal lobe of our brain to start working instead of the “fight or flight” area. Deep breathing and thought-stopping techniques work well much of the time for day-to-day anxiety or frustrating situations.

Self-care is another great way to reduce anxiety and agitation, so that you’re not hovering right under the “fight or flight” threshold all the time (much like our guinea pig). I think one of the best self-care methods is exercise. Going for a run helps me to reset my thoughts and clear my mind like no other activity. Getting enough sleep, eating properly and managing stress levels are other important considerations .

Just remember, we don’t have to be ruled by our instincts like our guinea pig friends! Therapists here at TLCC can help guide you through this process if you’re having trouble and find these interventions aren’t enough to help alleviate symptoms of anxiety.

Four TLCC Staff Members Become Candidates for Licensing

Mon, 31 Jan 2022 22:05:14 GMT

Four members of the Transforming Life Counseling Center staff have graduated from their master’s programs and moved to candidate status in their journey to become licensed counselors.

Kristen Hatton is a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate. She received her master’s in clinical mental health counseling from Liberty University. As a pastor’s wife, Christian author and speaker, Kristen felt led to a midlife career pivot in pursuing counseling after many years of lay counseling. Kristen has written three books for teenagers, one specifically addressing adolescent girls’ struggle for identity and worth. Her writing can be found on her own website, www.kristenhatton.com .

Jessica Dixon-Neal is a Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate. She received her master's in clinical mental health counseling from John Brown University. She received her undergraduate degree in art education. As an artist herself, she incorporates more creative approaches in her work with individuals. As a former middle school teacher and a mom of three, she has a front row seat to the challenges that women, young adults and teens face.

Lynett Cram is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor (LADC) Candidate. She received her master’s in addictions counseling at University of Central Oklahoma. Lynett holds a master’s in Community Counseling and bachelor’s in psychology with a minor in child development psychology from Southwestern Oklahoma State University. Her personal experiences, including receiving her own counseling as well as serving in the Oklahoma Army National Guard, led Lynett to become a counselor so she could help others in their recovery journey.

Sarah Vidrine is Licensed Professional Counselor Candidate. She received her master’s degree in clinical mental health counseling at Liberty University. Sarah received her bachelor’s in communication studies with a concentration in gender communication from Louisiana Tech University. Sarah’s love for helping others overcome life’s challenges stems from early on in her life when she personally experienced how life-changing counseling can be.

TLCC is pleased to introduce two new counseling interns to our staff: Darian Smith, and Tim Fenton

Mon, 31 Jan 2022 16:53:07 GMT

Darian Smith, Counseling Intern

Sun, 30 Jan 2022 21:58:01 GMT

Darian Smith is serving as a Counseling Intern while completing her master’s in addictions counseling at the University of Central Oklahoma. Darian received her bachelor’s in sociology- human services at UCO. She was born and raised in Oklahoma City, where she lives with her husband and two children.

Darian enjoys working with teens and families while utilizing holistic, integrative approaches including, client-centered, family systems, and strengths-based therapies.

Her goal is to serve her community by being a source of hope and encouragement for others as they navigate difficulties in their lives and continue their journey of personal growth.

Tim Fenton, Counseling Intern

Sun, 30 Jan 2022 16:45:19 GMT

Tim is serving as a Counseling Intern while finishing his Master’s in Addictions Counseling at the University of Central Oklahoma. In addition, he is working toward certification in Eating Disorders Treatment.

Following his recovery journey, Tim returned to school so he can help others on their own. He has a passion for helping empower people to improve their relationships and circumstances. He is involved in a Celebrate Recovery ministry at his church and enjoys working with individuals, couples, groups, and families from all walks of life.

He is originally from the Oklahoma panhandle and moved to Oklahoma City in 2010. In his spare time, Tim enjoys rock climbing, hiking, kayaking, and spending time with his wife, two children, and black Labrador.

TLCC’s family has grown in other ways too - three staff members welcomed three beautiful, healthy, new babies in the last half of 2021!!!

Sat, 29 Jan 2022 21:53:40 GMT

Tips for couples moving through the pandemic

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 19:50:30 GMT

By Chris Eversole

The pandemic – which is still lingering – has been trying for couples, putting new strains on even the best relationships and contributing to some marriages breaking up. Let’s consider some ways couples can enhance their connections that have taken a hit over the past year or more.

Of course, just the opportunity to move beyond some of the pandemic-imposed restrictions is breathe of fresh air. Some partners who have been working from home are returning to the workplace. Kids are out and about more.

Activities with churches and sports teams have picked up. Recovery groups that had taken to Zoom meetings are returning to face-to-face ones or hybrid ones – combining in-person and Zoom participants. Schools are reopened.

The joy of returning to many normal business and community activities illustrates a principle of human nature: we are social animals, and we’re healthiest when we have a broad range of connections.

If you and your partner are still feeling isolated, depending almost entirely upon each other for support, now is a good time to broaden your horizons. What new activities can you enjoy together – from joining a small group at church to taking dance lessons together? It’s a good thing that “It takes two to tango.”

A byproduct of joint couples’ activities is that you make new friends and feel part of a support system that often extends beyond a specific type of activity.

Chris is a Counseling Intern with TLCC.

Pornography and Sextortion

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 19:47:23 GMT

By Kristen Hatton

In an age when more kids have smartphones by age 11 than those who do not, we must not be naïve about pornography exposure. In fact, it is no coinciden ce that the average age of first exposure to pornography is also age 11. And, get this; 22% of online porn consumption by those under 18 are children under the age of 10.

By the age of 18, 93% of all boys and 62% of all girls have seen porn.
Nearly half view it regularly.
Only 12% of parents know.

Now imagine with me – a pretty girl begins following a teen boy on Instagram. She then slides into his DM (direct messaging) with a link to video chat. Not only does this pique his interest, but he’s ripe for what comes next.

Upon clicking the link, the girl shows up on video, nude. In an instant, a brain captive to his desires, he willingly responds to her instructions while watching her perform. And then: Bam! She flips the camera to reveal she's caught him on video with his hands in his pants (pun intended).

As if the shock and humiliation over what just transpired isn’t enough, she threatens to send the video to all his contacts if he doesn’t pay up.

According to one news report, scammers like this are raking in $100,000 monthly. Considering his panic at the thought of his family and finding out, it is easy to see why the boys and men get busted, pay up – sometimes in excess of $2,000. Whether he pays or not, he is left full of fear and shame.

For the teens this happens to – and research shows one in five have received sexual solicitations online – most feel like they can’t possibly tell their parents. How humiliating even to tell a friend. Alone, imagine what he is experiencing.

In the darkness of guilt and shame, any of us are easy prey for Satan. It is one of his best tactics – separating us from others and then capitalizing on our regret, cognitive distortions and low self-worth as the means for sending us into depression and searching for relief. Often, this is how the downward spiral into mental health struggles begin.

Parents, we must help our kids know we are safe people for them to talk to, otherwise we leave them vulnerable to attack. One way to become safe is normalizing taboo topics, such as pornography and sexting, by starting the conversation early and having it often.

In an age-appropriate manner, we must talk about the dangers and the ploys and what to do when they encounter porn. I say when and not if because even with every safeguard in place, we cannot protect our kids perfectly.

Restrictive measures like internet filters are great for limiting access, but they are not foolproof and do nothing to address the heart. Scripture tells us “the heart is deceitful beyond understanding” (Jeremiah 17:9). This means our kids’ sin nature will betray even their best intentions to avoid temptation – just as it is for us.

Knowing this is true of us should help us identify with our kids in their sin. Too often, though, we respond to our kids’ sin by heaping more shame upon them instead of identifying with them and showing compassion.

When this is true, why would our kids want to come to us? It makes sense then that they would continue to do what’s natural to us all – staying hidden.

But, when we talk freely about hard topics and honestly about temptation and sin (including ours), our kids will be more likely to confide in us. Take the adolescent or young adult caught off-guard by sextortion. If he knows his parents’ absolute acceptance and grace-based approach to the reality of sin, he will be more inclined in his sin and shame to come to them. And in doing so, he might be spared from on-going self-condemnation and pervading shame.

As uncomfortable as it may feel to start conversations about pornography and sex, or as much as you worry that in doing so your kids will lose their innocence too young, the only one you are protecting is yourself – from temporary awkwardness.

But by entering into dialogue, you are giving a gift to your child that may spare him or her from wrestling alone with shame. And – you may also spare yourself from later wrestling with regret after discovering what your child tried to hide that kept you from being able to help when he or she needed it most.

Kristen Hatton is an LPC Candidate at TLCC

The Power of Hope

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 19:41:09 GMT

Kevin Tutty, Licensed Practical Counselor

Victor E. Frankl, who was in a concentration camp in Germany during the Holocaust, wrote in “Man’s Search for Meaning” that “Those who have a ‘why’ to live can bear with almost any ‘how.’” According to Frankl, the reason for the hope is more important than the way one is going to get through a situation.

During this time as a pandemic lingers on, we have all had to adjust to a multitude of changes. Whether it has been job changes, online school, managing childcare or concern over contracting COVID, there are many ways additional stress has entered our lives. Not to mention increased racial tensions and a very divided political environment. Although some degree of normalcy has resumed, our society still is uneasy.

I would like to discuss a change in perception that can help us look at the future with more hope.

I recently attended an online training where a head of the Make A Wish Foundation spoke about research that showed how having hope regarding a future outcome cannot only change perception of a situation but also improve physical health.

Children who were a part of the Make A Wish Foundation had lower doctor bills and fewer hospital visits totaling up to a savings of up to $120,000 each just because their wish was selected to be granted! While there is a perception that the Make A Wish Foundation is used when a child is terminally ill, many children actually live and thrive after their wish is granted.

One teen who had cancer was told her wish of having a makeover in Paris would be granted, she stated to her parents, “I have to get better; I am going to Paris!”

Having hope in an outcome that we desire is powerful when we believe it will happen. I like to use Scripture when applicable.

Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (New Living Translation). Having hope that God has a plan for us during a difficult situation gives us a purpose in the situation, allowing us to focus on what God can show us instead of just trying to get through the difficulty.

This change in perception allows us to view the situation through a positive filter instead of a negative one. Focusing on a positive outcome is a shift that allows us to go through a difficult time with a focus on a positive end result. How do we focus on the positive if we can’t see any positives in our situation?

Breaking down our day and celebrating small successes in our lives is especially important. Having an “attitude of gratitude” allows us to recognize these small successes, setting us up to be able to recognize bigger successes later on.

The repetition of seeing small successes in our lives is the “how” once we have a “why,” such as recognizing that we will get through the today’s challenges.

Kevin is a Licensed Practical Counselor at TLCC.

Support Groups Abound at TLCC

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 19:35:31 GMT

At Transforming Life Counseling Center, we believe that groups are a powerful force. We offer groups on the following topics:

Women’s co-dependency recovery
Tinnitus Together Support Group ( More info )
Stroke Recovery ( More info )

To discuss joining a group, call 405-246-5433.

Introducing New Staff

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 19:25:08 GMT

Meet our 4 new TLCC staff members!

Transitioning from Loss to Legacy

Fri, 25 Jun 2021 19:15:43 GMT

A group for men who have lost a loved one - or who have a sense of loss after retiring.

LIVING IN HARMONY

Tue, 04 Aug 2020 14:15:52 GMT

By: Michael Cross, LPC

If you have spent any time at all recently looking at social media, watching the news, or talking with people, then it is no surprise when you see hate being spewed out from every direction and witness a country being divided. Whether it’s from the Covid-19 pandemic, the tragedy of George Floyd, or political agendas being pushed, most of us have felt the surge of emotion and anger welling within us, in recent months. I know I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find myself, at times, wanting to direct those feelings at people because they saw things differently than I did. I would even be bold enough to say that many of you have probably felt the same. The fact is that people are different. We look and are genetically different, different parents have raised us in different family styles, we have differing educations, and have been taught by different people. We’ve had countless, different life experiences, not to mention we have different faiths as well…are you getting the idea yet? So how are we expected to live in “unity” when we are all so different?

Recently I came across a Bible verse from the book of Psalms, chapter 133 (NLT), that said, “How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!” I thought to myself, “Maybe that’s it! What if we learn to live in ‘harmony’ rather than ‘unity?’” Let me explain.

I am a singer and have performed vocal music for most of my life. One of the most beautiful and pleasant things to hear is when vocalists harmonize. This occurs when simultaneous, musical parts and notes (that are different) come together to make chords and chord progressions that have a pleasing effect. In other words, different voices, singing different parts, all work together simultaneously (blending) to create a beautiful, unique, sound that is pleasing to the ear! How different and awesome that is in comparison to singing in “unison”, where everyone sings exactly the exact same thing.

So imagine if we, as people and as a nation, embrace and appreciate the differences we each have, and work together to create something beautiful instead of hating each other because people aren’t sounding or thinking like we do. Another important, musical aspect to consider is the “blending” part. The harmony only works when the singers notice and try to blend with what the others around them are singing (the progression part). So in other words, BE YOU (the unique and different individual that you are) while simultaneously paying attention to the others around you (hearing their uniqueness and differences) and blend with them in harmony! What a wonderful difference that would make!

Michael Cross, LPC is a clinical team member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

I am an alcoholic

Mon, 03 Aug 2020 14:11:44 GMT

Anonymous

I went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in February 1970 in Manhattan Beach, California. It was a Saturday Night Speaker's Meeting. The Speaker said he was a writer employed in the movie industry. The only other thing he said, that I remember was this: He said, “An alcoholic is someone who can drink a large quantity of alcohol, or he can get by with none at all. The one thing an alcoholic cannot do is drink just a little bit.” In other words, an alcoholic cannot drink in moderation.

I left that meeting and did not attend another one for eight more years. But those words stuck with me." The thing a real alcoholic cannot do is drink just a little bit.” Those words described me. I could avoid alcohol for a little while, but once I picked the first drink, I could not stop. I would continue drinking until I was drunk, passed out and hung over. In that process, I would say and do things that were embarrassing, humiliating, damaging and destructive, yet the alcohol goaded me on. In this state I could be insulting and derogatory to others. I could do things that were downright, stupid, and hurtful to others, and at times dangerous. I was out of control, when inebriated. When I recovered from my drunken stupor and hangover, I simply could not believe what emotional and physical havoc I had wreaked. That is the way of the drunk.

In all those years I had been fired twice from jobs, destroyed a marriage, wrecked at least one car, was prone to emotional fits of anger, thought of no one but myself, assumed everyone was against me because they could not recognize my intellectual brilliance. I blamed everything bad in my life on everyone and everything else. Once I destroyed a perfectly good, portable electric typewriter with my bare fists because it would not spell correctly.

In 1978, I tried Alcoholics Anonymous again. I went to just a few meetings and heard just enough, to once again accept the idea I was an alcoholic and couldn’t drink just a little bit. I also concluded that I didn’t need the good folks of AA because, after all, they were a bunch of drunks.

Four years went by, and I managed to curb or control my drinking. But my life was miserable and headed downhill. I blamed my plight on everyone else. By 1982, just about everything bad that would happen to me had happened. My marriage was gone. My career ruined. I was at the bottom of the pile emotionally, figuratively, spiritually and financially.

They say, when you are an alcoholic and you have reached your bottom, AA is the last house on the block. So it was for me. Once again I knocked on AA’s door. They welcomed me in. They said, “If you have a problem with alcohol, we can help. We can help you find a way of living without alcohol that is beyond your wildest drunken dreams.” That was in April 1982.

What I have found, and what has been freely given to me, is a family of friends and a sense of belonging that I'd always hoped for. Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me find a comfortable way of life without drinking. It has provided me with friendships that let me know I am not alone. I have found a host of friends over the years who accept me and understand me for who I am. I never have to pretend I am somebody else. We find unconditional love and acceptance in AA, in a way that we could never find in bars and taverns. And when I am down and feeling “less than” I always have somebody I can call or go have coffee with. If another alcoholic needs help, likewise I have a sense of worthiness to help and support him. Alcoholics Anonymous has led me to an of a higher power of my own understanding who I freely call God; a higher power that provides me with a sense that no matter what is going on around me that everything, EVERYTHING. . . will be alright.

And I have not had a drink of alcohol since!

Parenting Through the Unknowns

Sat, 01 Aug 2020 14:08:06 GMT

By Kristen Hatton, LPC in Training

In a year of canceled plans and upended routines, our kids need guidance more than ever. But how can we parent when we don’t know what comes next?

When my boys left school the Friday before spring break, I would not have believed they were walking out for the last time of the school year. And the kids who were graduating (like one of mine), moving, or switching schools were walking out for good. With no closure. Because it happened so fast, there were no proper goodbyes. There was no closure to the sports season or other activities many students were preparing for and looking forward to in the spring. All the hard work for nothing. For many, the very groups that provided a sense of belonging were now gone. With the forfeitures also came missed memories—with friends, in activities, experiences, rites of passage. As if all the premature endings weren’t difficult enough, our teens now face ambiguous transitions. Even teens returning to their same schools and old routines will experience adjustments. New post-COVID policies and precautions mean things won’t be the same. And with guidelines constantly changing, looming in the back of our minds is the fear of schools or activities forced to stay shut. For both us as parents and for our kids, navigating the unknowns is unsettling. As I mentioned, I had a Senior, but after only having a virtual college orientation and no real opportunity to connect with his peers, new fears pertaining to the transition have crept up for both of us. His tendency toward anxiety exacerbates my worry, but even our most laidback kids need our guidance. To this end, here are three important ways we can help our teens through the unknown of what’s next.

1. Identify Feelings

Depending on how emotionally aware your teenager is, the effects of a short-circuited Spring and uncertain Fall may be more than they realize. But perhaps you have noticed your son lacking motivation or your daughter spending more time than usual in her room. These behaviors, as well as changes in eating or sleeping habits, withdrawal from friends or activities they usually enjoy, could be pointers to buried feelings, stress, anxiety, fear, or depression. To help your teen open up and deal honestly with emotions, first imagine yourself walking into the unknown that he or she is facing. What are those fears or questions you might have? For instance, if your teen will be in a new school building, fear over finding his classes or knowing where to sit at lunch and with whom may be lurking. Or, your teen may be struggling with what the new normal will look like or worried that the fall will be a repeat of spring. After thinking through some of the possible stressors, ask probing questions to help identify the feelings and fears. You may start by saying something like, “I was thinking about what you might be feeling, not knowing what this school year will be like. I imagine all the changes feel disconcerting.” The idea is to get your teen talking. Even if what you identified is not the issue, it may draw him out so you discover what is worrying him. As a caution though, resist the urge to minimize or fix feelings. Instead, simply seek to understand and enter in. Doing so helps establish you as trustworthy and safe.

2. Dwell on the Truth

Even better than you identifying with your teen is the fact that Jesus experienced all that we do. Therefore, He “gets” us and invites us to bring our every emotion to Him. We see this in Psalms as the writers share their worry, fear, anger, sadness, and other emotions. So, encourage your teen to turn to the Scriptures to give voice to their feelings and pray through their pain. Furthermore, point your teen to Scripture to see more of who God is. Knowing His character can help reframe what your teen is going through. The Bible tells us, and science also agrees, that what we fix our minds on holds power. So together with your teen make a list of what you discover about God in his Word. For example, Psalm 34:17-20 tells us God hears and delivers us, that He is near to the brokenhearted, and saves the crushed in spirit. Ask God by His grace to make these truths experiential realities.

3. Redirect Their Focus

As difficult a season as this is for our teens, redirecting our focus onto others can do wonders in altering our perspectives. There are plenty of people in great need. Help your teen get outside her own experience to look for ways to serve others. Another coping mechanism proven to lift spirits is engaging in a new hobby. I saw this over the summer when my sons took up fishing. The combination of being in nature and quietly waiting, was calming for their souls. One of my sons also stripped a piece of furniture. Concentrating on a task provided a great feeling of accomplishment upon completion. Finally, brainstorm practical ways to ease transitions and unknown terrain. For instance, do you know of an older student who could serve as peer mentor to answer questions? What about a Zoom meeting or small group gathering of other teens to talk about their shared fears and to see they aren’t alone? All this applies for you too, parent. These are uncharted times, but nothing is uncharted for God. He sees you. He knows you. He is with you. May we all cast our anxieties on Him and be filled with His perfect peace.

Kristen Hatton, is an LPC in Training and is a clinical team member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

Getting Through the Next Phase

Mon, 18 May 2020 21:48:24 GMT

by Kristen Callaway, LMFT

It’s simply mindboggling how much life has changed in the last 90 days since COVID-19 was given a name ( 1) . The world became aware of an international health pandemic, our country went into a period of social distancing and quarantine, and now states are beginning to open back up. We wave to each other from a window, it’s expected to see people in masks and gloves, and we look for markings on the store floors to indicate a distance of 6 feet. Schooling, religious gatherings, employment – it has all changed drastically.

Resilience is a term we hear quite often; it can be defined as “an ability to recover or adjust to difficult situations or change.” There is no doubt about it, humans are resilient. You can see in the news, beyond all the press briefings and medical updates, stories of people coming together to support and encourage one another. And yet, the soul grows weary having to constantly recover and adjust – especially in isolation. I’ve certainly grown tired of staying in my house, I’m sure others have too. So how do we get through this next phase of society reopening while maintaining our strength and patience?

Show kindness – to yourself and to others. For some, this period of quarantine has been a way to slow down, reconnect with family, and gain clarity about priorities. For others, this has been a time of significant stress – perhaps due to finances, difficult relationships at home, living alone, work changes. While we as a society have collectively gone through this pandemic together, we have all had our own unique experiences. Whatever the past few months have been like for you, it’s okay – especially if it’s been difficult. Most of us never planned to live through a quarantine and had no idea what to expect. We are also going to have our own experiences with the reopening and that’s fine too. Keep in mind, someone else having a different experience does not invalidate yours. Don’t beat yourself up with how things “should” have been. Take a deep breath, accept what is, and know that this is temporary.
Maintain appropriate expectations. I’ve had some people tell me about their frustrations that they have more downtime, but they haven’t been able to go after a lofty goal (exercise, dietary, new hobby, etc). I’ve also had others talk about more being added to their plate (working from home, attempting a version of homeschooling, etc) and they can’t keep up with the never-ending laundry and dishes and yardwork. Whether you fit with one of those situations or are somewhere in between, now is not the time to beat yourself up. We have to redefine what normal looks like, and that includes our expectations for ourselves. I’m not saying you should just give up on any and all responsibilities and goals, but make sure you are being realistic about what you can accomplish and what your priorities are. As time goes on and we continue to recover and adjust, we can add more to what we expect of ourselves.
Focus on what you can control. It’s common that when life feels chaotic, we grip tightly to what we feel we can control. Life becomes overwhelming when we try to control things we actually can’t. We are only responsible for our thoughts, feelings, actions, worldviews, etc. Oklahomans have a significant advantage here; we know that come tornado season, all we can do is be prepared and act responsibly. We have no ability to influence where a tornado goes. It is no different with a health pandemic. Take the health precautions you consider to be reasonable, decide what kind of social interaction/distance is best for you and your family, and respect that others may make different decisions. Remember, you also control who you spend your time with so don’t push yourself to interact with those whose decisions may make you uncomfortable.

A few other tips: limit how much news you consume, keep in contact with friends and family (technology can be a blessing here), get some fresh air and sunshine as often as you can, and if you’re struggling – seek counseling. Many therapists are offering telehealth along with in-person sessions. Remember - just as we have recovered and adjusted from natural and manmade disasters, we will also recover and adjust from the COVID-19 pandemic.

(1) Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19) - events as they happen. (n.d.).

Retrieved from https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/events-as-they-happen

Kristen Callaway, LMFT, is a Staff Clinician at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

It’s Only an Illusion

Sun, 17 May 2020 21:39:57 GMT

by Kevin Tutty, LPC

Remember watching David Copperfield on TV when he made the Statue of Liberty disappear and reappear? I thought it had to be a camera trick. Or was it? Control can be like that in our lives. We think we are in control of things when we really aren’t.

My old pastor used to say, “Control is an illusion.” We think we can control events and circumstances when we are actually in control of very little. We are in control of our actions, and feelings and most of the time, our thoughts. When we try to control events outside of these areas, we will eventually be unable to control.

In these times of social-distancing, many try to control things they are not able to control. I read an article that said that the reason people rushed out to buy toilet paper – many rolls of it at a time – was that it give them a sense of control over their life, reducing anxiety. The other factor is that when people saw others buying toilet paper, they thought they better get some too. Soon there wasn’t enough for those not buying large quantities. Then, there wasn’t enough toilet paper in the store, leading to arguments and fights that people would have never have been involved in with another situation. Once the “flight or fight” response part of our brains kicked in, the rational part of the brain has no chance.

Recognizing what we are in control of is an important step to reducing anxiety. If we can look at situations that we are not in control of (like other people’s actions) we are more likely to remain calm in tense situations. This recognition has to be made before the anxiety-producing situation though, so we are prepared for it.

The more we try to gain control of situations not in our control, the more problems we have in our and other’s lives. Trying to control other’s actions is futile, and if left unchecked, can lead to anxiety disorders. This can strain relationships, especially with the people we live with. Releasing that control actually gives us freedom to live better, happier lives. The fear of not having control drives us to make irrational decisions we wouldn’t normally make.

So, what do we do? Releasing control isn’t easy when we are used to trying to control situations, events or other people’s actions. As simple as it sounds, taking 5 slow, deep breaths is a great way to get “control” of your own actions in the moment. Finding an enjoyable hobby (while reducing screen time) is a great way to distract ourselves when able. Exercise of any kind has great benefits to reduce not only anxiety, but depression as well (even more than medicine!). Soon, you will find that things that used to cause you worry or fear don’t create as much distress as they once did.

Kevin Tutty, LPC, is a Staff Clinician at Transforming LIfe Counseling Center

Practicing Gratitude

Sat, 16 May 2020 21:36:43 GMT

By Jenna Richardson, LPC

The art of practicing gratitude is extremely important with what is going on in the world today. COVID-19 has completely halted everything in our lives to the point where some don’t know what their next steps will be. I know it can be a scary time for many and sometimes the last thing we want to do is focus on something positive. But if we don’t focus on something bigger, the world could really seem like a dark place. COVID-19 has really put things into perspective for majority of us and many are realizing the need to focus on the positive. By practicing gratitude on a daily basis, you are allowing your brain to recognize and naturally gravitate towards positivity. It may not change your circumstances, but practicing gratitude regularly can improve your mood and resiliency.

What is gratitude? Gratitude is the art of recognizing and expressing the things you are grateful for. And, it is an important discipline to practice on a daily basis. The way I like to express gratitude is to write down 3 things at the end of the day that I am grateful for. Writing things down at the end of the day not only allows you to reflect on your day, but also to see the day as a whole.

Another way to express gratitude is by taking the time to share what you are grateful for to someone close to you. The practice of communicating gratitude to someone close to you increases emotional intimacy by inviting them into your mind and heart, and can be a source of encouragement to them, as well.

Gratitude can also be expressed through acts of kindness, generosity and by helping others. Showing kindness towards another, even to someone you don’t know, can go a long way in a stranger’s world. We often don’t know what others are going through, and a simple act of kindness, help or generosity can encourage another who may be struggling to find gratitude or even strength, within themselves.

In difficult times, gratitude might not come naturally or easily, but the benefits of shifting our focus towards the positive things in life are very clear. This small shift in thinking, leads us to form deeper appreciation of the important aspects and people in our lives, while sometimes blessing and encouraging others, as well. It is gratitude that can sustain us during a crisis or a difficult season, but it also gratitude that encourages us to fully appreciate the good and important things in life.

Jenna Richardson, LPC, is a staff clinician at Transforming Life Counseling Center

Caring for Helping Professionals During the Covid-19 Health Crisis

Wed, 15 Apr 2020 18:59:26 GMT

TLCC is offering an online process group via the Zoom App, for medical professionals needing to process work-related stress in dealing with Covid-19. Group meetings are on Tuesdays, from 4-5pm beginning April 21st. Fees are waived through May 19.

Details are included in the Group Guidelines (click below to view), including the Zoom Group Number and Password to join.

Group co-Leaders are Pam Forducey, PhD, Kay Gackle, LMFT, and Michelle Garrett, LMFT. If interested, please call Michelle Garrett, at (405) 476-2423.

Please read through the Group Guidelines prior to the first group meeting. We look forward to supporting those of you who are on the front lines, caring for our community!

Love and Lament in March Madness

Fri, 03 Apr 2020 19:44:33 GMT

As many of you may remember, Curt Thompson, MD, was the Keynote Speaker at TLCC’s Conference in November 2, 2019. Dr. Thompson is a psychiatrist in Private Practice in Falls Church, VA, the founder of Being Known, LLC, which focuses it’s work on the intersection between interpersonal neurobiology, Christian spiritual formation and vocational creativity. He is Board Certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. Dr. Thompson has also authored two books, “Anatomy of the Soul” and “The Soul of Shame”. For more reading and resources visit www.curtthompsonmd.com .

Dr. Thompson is delighted to share his most recent essay in our Newsletter. “Love and Lament in March Madness”, brings great insight into the current events surrounding the Covid-19 virus, and it’s effects on us psychologically, neurologically and spiritually. His essay will bless you with the reminder of the opportunities available to us in the midst of uncertain times, while offering some daily steps to take to manage our new “normal”. We have highlighted some of our favorite sections and hope you enjoy it as well!

Love and Lament in March Madness

By Curt Thompson, MD

March 24, 2020

I will alert you now: This post is more like a short essay, as its length attests. But, I hope you will read it in its entirety. I’m guessing you might have more time on your hands these days, although, perhaps not, if you are now homeschooling your children when two weeks ago you weren’t.

It’s the time of year I often look forward to, and that many of my friends do, as well. As a North Carolina Tar Heels basketball fan, the NCAA basketball tournament has often provided joy, excitement, and heartbreak for me. “March Madness,” we call it. Indeed, this year March Madness has found us without our having to look for it, and with no basketball involved. And in response, much of my heart is filled with lament. Lament over so much that has been lost, and more that may be.

But, I have good news. I also have hard news. And, although both the good and the hard are news, none of it is new—at least for us who live two thousand years after Jesus walked the earth. Now, as much as ever, the words of Ecclesiastes have never been truer, where it is written, “There is nothing new under the sun.”

The tsunami has already hit the coastline, and now is continuing to move inland. This is not an essay warning that it’s coming. It’s already here, and you know it. COVID-19 is not new news, although it feels as if each daily briefing brings something new for us to react to. But as it turns out, our reactions that it is evoking aren’t new either, despite our calling it a “novel” virus. I don’t need to tell you that we’re worried, or that we’re afraid. We all know that. That’s certainly not new news. And I don’t need to tell you that what we’re ultimately afraid of is death; that’s not new either—but that may actually be news to us, especially when we look more closely at our interior lives.

I’ll get to the news—the good and the hard—shortly, but first I want to remind us of some things that our moment in time is revealing. As a psychiatrist, I have the privilege of walking with people whose challenges in regulating their anxiety at fundamental neurobiological and relational levels, leads to a host of conditions that are painful and can be quite debilitating. Anxiety, as it turns out, is one of the most primal human distress responses, and, plays an instrumental role in helping us survive, but also in the emergence of many, albeit certainly not all, psychiatric and relational maladies. We become anxious for many reasons, but as I tell my patients, ultimately, the brain is made most anxious not merely by the presence or nature of a difficult or frightening situation. Although circumstances, from mildly distressing to severely traumatic are the vector for our anxiety, the condition that we ultimately fear is that of being abandoned, for indeed as it is also written, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Much of our life’s activities center around avoiding our awareness of this primal fear.

The presence of SARS-CoV-2 (the virus) and COVID-19 (the disease) in our communities are phenomena that are not just causing anxiety. They are revealing it. They are drawing back the curtain on who we already are. I don’t need to go into all the ways our lives are being and will likely continue to be disrupted by their presence over the next several days and weeks, perhaps, even months or longer. Some of those disruptions are minor; some may be permanently life-altering or life-threatening. And, of course, we immediately want answers to the questions of what we should do. Some of those answers have been provided to address what we know now (e.g., spatial distancing). Some of those answers I will share at the conclusion of this essay. Some of the questions we ask, will be different and have different answers over the progression of the next several weeks as we learn more about the spread of the disease, and learn more about ourselves in the process.

Certainly, the virus and the disease it causes, are real, they are dangerous, and they are “out there,” meaning that they are genuine things that can potentially cause us great harm, not least by harming those we love. And, as such, we are understandably fearful. And to be clear, that we are fearful does not mean we’re weak or stupid. It means we’re human. But, in our anxiety, some time from now it will be easy for us to find ourselves looking in the rearview mirror (as we already are), focusing our attention on what could or should have been done differently—conversations the likes of which will only tend to be traumatic and cause more anxiety. But our deepest problem won’t have been that we weren’t smart enough, or even wise enough. Not that we won’t have learned things. Hopefully we will be wiser. But the virus is a force of nature that simply is not easily reckoned with—and as it enters into our civilization, it comes not only as a wrecking ball; it comes as a floodlight.

And here is where the hard news begins. The virus and the disease, for all of their genuinely disconcerting effects in the world, are not just about an illness that might do horrible things to some of us, including kill us—which it may. We might think that death of that sort—the death of our bodies—is what really frightens us. But here is where the virus is more than a deadly infection—it is also a revelation. For our fear is far more ancient, and far deeper than the fear of our physical mortality. And believe it or not, it is not mostly about a virus. Rather, the virus is shining a bright light on the “heart” of the matter, both interpersonally and neurobiologically, which we see more plainly when we read Jesus’ words,“I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after your body has been killed, has authority to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Luke 12:4-7).

I don’t know if Jesus had pandemics in mind when he mentions “those who kill the body,” but his words are no less poignant for our time. Our brains tend to automatically pay attention to those things that frighten us. Being afraid is part of our makeup; the question is not, will we be afraid; but rather, to what will I direct my fearful attention. And, here is where the good news begins, running right alongside the hard news, and eventually outpacing it. I get the sense that Jesus is telling us to pay attention to God. Not, as in, make sure you do what you’re supposed to do; don’t screw up; don’t make mistakes; in essence, be afraid of God, or else. Or else he’ll send you to hell. Many of us are tempted to believe that that is the God Jesus was talking about; one who, if you are not in some way, enough, will send you to hell. Even if we don’t buy that kind of god theologically, we still can find ourselves feeling that deep in our souls. Either way, that doesn’t sound like good news at all.

That’s why the good news is that Jesus’ words are not about paying attention to God or he’ll send you to hell. No, rather, pay attention to— direct the attention of your fear to—the one who has authority, the one who has authored your life. The one who knows you’re afraid and wants to hear about it and comfort you. The one who never forgets you. The one who, as he said to the prophet Jeremiah, “has known you before he even formed you”; who delights in you; whose thoughts are ever about you; who only has good intentions for you; who is proud of you; who is so committed to your becoming a living, breathing icon of immeasurable beauty that brings life and joy and goodness to all whose lives you touch, that he won’t even allow death to get between the two of you. Not even a pandemic. It is that God to whom Jesus commands us to direct our fearful attention.

Because that God is the only one who can keep us out of hell. The hell that is the mental state of fear of abandonment that we occupy because we are only willing to pay attention to what we are worried about in our shame rather than to the One whose gaze never leaves us, the One who, when we are lost is always coming to find us. And, by extension, we, God’s sons and daughters, we, the brothers and sisters of the King, are likewise commissioned to go and find those who desperately need our gaze, who need to be reminded—as do we—that they are not alone.

This does not mean we won’t feel disappointed, or that we won’t experience great feelings of loss, or even anger, bargaining and acceptance, moving as we will through different stages of grief. And we should feel these things. But rather than be buried by those afflicting feelings, our work is to lament what we have lost. To actively enter into grief with other people. Enter into it in the presence of the God who is with us, and so allow him and others to love us in our loss, looking for God to create new things in the wake of all of our distress.

None of our news about COVID-19 would surprise Jeremiah. He lived at a time when COVID-19 came for the Kingdom of Judah in the form of the Babylonian horde. There was no time or tactic to flatten the curve of the outbreak. Death by the sword. Starvation. Pestilence. And, some would say those were the lucky ones. The vast majority of the rest were marched off to exile, where their very identity as individuals and as a people was threatened with extinction. Although the details are quite different, the essence of our times are much the same. Something has invaded and the prospect of exile—isolation—feels increasingly more present, disintegrating much of what enables us to have a sense of identity. But if Jeremiah were here, he would tell us, again, that none of this is new. And he would tell us that he has good news. Not without lament, but good news, nonetheless.

In the same way that he told the Hebrews to, once in Babylon, settle in, build houses, plant gardens, get married and have children—in short, dwell where they were, he would tell us that instead of being afraid, we would be good to turn our attention—our fearful attention—to dwelling with each other. And, here is where the good news of Jesus is like none other. For the ancient Hebrews, they found themselves in a situation that was completely disintegrating and disorienting, as we are beginning to feel. But, God instructed them to pay attention to what was right before them, most of which was about getting from one day to the next, doing what they could and being deeply connected in their community. Not as a means to isolate themselves from the rest of the world, but rather to bless it. And not without lament, but in the very presence of it. We Christians believe that we have hope in the resurrection of Jesus, and that his Spirit indwells us in order for us to be a beacon of light, an icon of beauty in a world filled with fear. Our hope, ultimately, is not in this age, but the age to come; but being hopeful for that age is what enables us to live confidently, to dwell in this one.

How then, do we dwell in the land at a time of such disconnection and fear? Here are a few steps to take, many of which I am sure you have read elsewhere. My invitation for you is to begin in earnest, if you haven’t already, to put these suggestions into practice as a means of being the community of Jesus:

1. Begin each day by immersing yourself in Scripture, prayer and worship.

With your usual routines of work, school and relationships being disrupted, it will be easy for the activity of your own, isolated mind to be that which you pay the most attention to. When that happens, anxiety and rumination are free to do their thing. Instead, allow this to be a time in which you give God even more opportunity than usual to have access to your heart and mind.

2. Practice, especially reflective/contemplative habits:

As part of the beginning of your day, include time for meditation, prayer and/or simple exercises that you can find here:

https://curtthompsonmd.com/reflections

Take three minutes at least three times each day to breath slowly.

3. Call or video chat with at least 2 to 3 others whom you love each day.

If possible, call different people each day. These can be helpful and effective even if brief.

4. Inquire how others are feeling; but, tell them your genuine feelings as well.

It will be easy to ask others, but perhaps less so for us to tell others what we feel. One of the ways we give others a sense of purpose is by giving them the opportunity to comfort us.

5. When connecting with people, refrain from conversation that blames others or merely complains about what others are doing wrong or not doing right.

This type of conversation tends to be traumatizing in and of itself, and only heightens our anxiety.

6. Limit the amount of news you consume.

Instead, unless you are busy with work at home, make it a practice to read good literature or engage in creative work (see No. 8).

7. Refrain from social media scrolling.

Indulging in this only enhances our anxiety while making us more distractible. Whereas, refraining from it creates space to direct our fearful attention to God and others.

8. Plan for artistic endeavors.

Whether this is on your own or with family members, plan to spend some time each day if possible engaging in creative activity. This could be as simple as playing games with family members, drawing, painting, playing an instrument, or learning a new skill online. Actively practicing creative endeavors prevents our becoming anxious and strengthens our emotional resilience.

9. Food.

It will be easier to eat poorly, but out of anxiety and our schedules being upended. Plan for three meals and healthy snacks; but resist the temptation to graze and/or binge in response to boredom.

10. Physical Exercise.

Ideally, plan to go for a ten-minute walk two to three times a day. When isolating to our homes, our immobility tends to prime us to be more anxious. More frequent physical movement, if only for brief periods of time give us a greater sense of agency and protects us against anxiety.

11. Sleep.

Plan to get a healthy amount of sleep, and plan to put your phone on “Do Not Disturb.” Be sure to turn off all screens at least one hour before you retire for the night. Instead of screens, again, make plans to read. (See No. 12)

12. Keep a daily lament/gratitude journal.

At the end of each day make a habit of handwriting a brief lament about what has been hard about your day; and then list at least three things the day offered to you for which you are grateful. Plan to share these with one or more of the people with whom you will be in contact the next day.

13. Plan for regular, weekly communal worship and teaching with your community of fellow believers, via either an online platform or small gathering (fewer than 10, keeping proper distance, and only in accordance with local guidelines; should your community recommend more stringent quarantine, by all means obey those recommendations).

We need contact with the worshipping community in which we are fed the bread of life. We become what we pay attention to, and we pay attention to what we hear from those with whom we are most deeply connected. In this time of disintegration, we need to be as closely in touch as possible with the family of faith who will help us remember the story in which we believe we are living. A story that at the end of the day is not determined by a pandemic. It is determined by our Lord Jesus.

It is difficult for the brain to attune to others when it is afraid; but, counterintuitively, when we practice paying attention to others, our fear dissipates. When we look for others with the intention to connect, we disallow anxiety from taking up residence within us. Rather, we are taking up residence within each other, and so foster our deeper awareness of God’s presence within and between us, even if we are no closer than six feet apart. And, in that way, we are even more able to create the proper responses we will need to mobilize on behalf of our neighbors, especially the most vulnerable, in the coming days, weeks and months. In this time of lament, this is how we, the church, loves. Loves each other and our neighbors.

In the madness of March 2020, we are the hearers and bearers of good news, even when other news is hard. Today, in the presence of your lament, I invite you to direct your attention’s fear to God and each other, and watch the plans that God has for us unfold, “plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and hope,” in this age, or the age to come.

More than ever before: A time to unplug and disconnect?

Thu, 02 Apr 2020 19:34:43 GMT

By Keith Crownover, PhD

Who would have expected that we’d find ourselves in uncharted and unprecedented times, with the current state of this health crisis—COVID-19. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week there is never ending reporting, writing, hypothesizing, presuming, expecting, guessing and some, embellishing, and yes, minimizing of this world health crisis, all available for our consumption. As a society, we are connected to one another and the ongoings of the world, as well as the opinions and various forms of, well…. anything. And, at anytime we choose to log on. What is the impact all of this “information” is having on us? I’ve had several patients tell me that they struggle with knowing they need to walk away and disconnect from it, but battle with an obsessive need to stay in the “know”. This keeps them surfing the internet with almost every spare minute they have (and, sometimes, don’t have).

The impact of the collateral damage from this crisis, may indeed rival the crisis itself. For those who struggle with mental illness, the impact could be the difference between stability and instability. For those who do not, the impact could mean development of a mental illness or at the least, a detrimental difference within one’s peace, well-being, and contentment with life.

What then, should we do? Stick our head in the sand and pretend it’s all a bad dream and that it’s not happening? Or, live in ignorance, disallowing ourselves access to what’s happening in our community, country and world? No, not at all. Perhaps, like the rest of life, we would do well to moderate our exposure, limit how often we scroll through the news, social media, or any of the other tens of thousands of opportunities to read or hear about the COVID-19 crisis.

Additionally, part of our time could be well-spent seeking uplifting and positive aspects of this crisis. There are people that are reaching out and serving those in need; those quarantined. I recently read of a couple of adolescents that play their stringed instruments for their elderly neighbor, as she is isolated and in poor health. There are many stories like this, with many positive acts of kindness and love, happening every day. Often, these stories can get lost, but, in so many ways, when a crisis of some kind occurs, many rise to the occasion and demonstrate the best of humanity.

So…maybe, limit your exposure to the media that contains negative information and connotations regarding this latest challenge that we face. Seek out some positive outcomes connected to this challenge and soak yourself in them for a moment. Then, turn off the electronic device, gather around those that are so very important to you, and enjoy some time talking about past triumphs, funny stories, or future plans.

Most importantly, enjoy the time you have with those you love: Those who are important to you. After all, we often don’t tell the ones who mean the most, just how important they are to us. Nor do we take the time to just enjoy, uninterrupted, total immersion in the moment with those that are so valuable and irreplaceable. Life is uncertain: things happen every day and the moments we miss, cannot and will not be available again. It shouldn’t take a virus to change our lives or the dynamics of the relationships with those closest to us.

Keith Crownover, PhD

Dr. Keith Crownover is a clinical team member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Emotional Resilience during COVID-19

Wed, 01 Apr 2020 19:31:02 GMT

Article Review by Pam Forducey, PhD

I read an article published by the Washington Post on March 16, 2020 ( https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/wellness/anxiety-coronavirus-mental-wellness-tips/2020/03/16/f187faf2-67b8-11ea-9923-57073adce27c_story.html ), which was written by Dr. Jelena Kecmanovic, an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University. I really liked how she summarized a few simple yet insightful coping strategies to get us through the COVID-19 pandemic.

She states that it’s normal to feel concerned about the uncertainties of life as we know it. “Humans find comfort and safety in the predictability of the routines of daily living,” said John Forsyth, a professor of psychology at the University at Albany in New York and co-author of “Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for Anxiety Disorders.” As our lives have dramatically changed overnight, many are struggling with finding ways to deal with the new reality.

Nobody knows how long the pandemic will last or how long it will be until we can resume our regular lives. Even worse, many people are worried that they may be laid off and lose their livelihoods. The pervasive uncertainty of the situation makes it hard to plan a course of action and creates a high level of stress. To add insult to injury, our typical ways of de-stressing, such as working out in a gym, watching sports, or meeting with co-workers have largely come to a halt.

How can we respond to the coronavirus situation in a way that will preserve our psychological well-being? She states that the following science-based approaches can help:

1. Accept Negative Emotions

Acknowledge that a myriad of emotions like anxiety, depression, fear will be present during this time. Accept them vs. trying to push them away. Research has shown that avoidance of such emotions will make them stronger and last longer. Notice negative emotions, thoughts and physical sensations as they come up, evaluate them with curiosity, describe them without judgment and then let them go. This is an essence of mindfulness, which has been consistently linked to good psychological health.

2. Create New Routines

Although many people escape from reality by Netflix binging, video-games, sugar fixes, be aware of not over-relying on these distractions. Studies have shown that planning and executing new routines that connect you to what really matters in life is the best recipe for mental health. Structure, predictability and a sense of purpose with these new routines is key. Dr. Deborah Ledley states that “It’s good for adults and crucial for children to stick to regular wake-up, grooming, and mealtimes. Where and how everyone works and plays at home should also be planned, while understanding that we all need to be flexible and adaptable during this new normal.

3. Reinvent Self-Care

To maintain your psychological well-being, schedule self-care daily. It can consist of walking, spending time in nature, family games/activities, or FaceTime with friends. Use this time to launch a healthy-living routine, which will promote your mental strength.

4. Reflect, Relate, and Reframe

A global crisis like the COVID-19 pandemic offers an unexpected chance to check in with yourself and reflect on your life priorities and what really matters to you. What brings meaning and joy to you when the noise (status, money, work) of modern life quietens. Finally, keep in mind that experiencing stress and negative emotions can have positive consequences. Studies show that people who go through very difficult life experiences can emerge from them with a stronger sense of psychological resilience, renewed relationships and a greater appreciation of life. Some describe starting to live more fully and purposefully.

With care and planning, Dr. Kecmanovic concludes that we, too, can stay psychologically strong during the pandemic and perhaps even grow from this transformative experience.

Cabin Fever with Kiddos?

Tue, 31 Mar 2020 19:25:40 GMT

By Kay Gackle, LMFT

Most of us are probably enjoy having our kids around: with no activities, no outside-of-the-home places to go, no playgrounds, and no school. We have them all to ourselves. Or maybe you’re like me, and find yourself grateful for this sweet time, knowing that this time will end eventually. But, still, you find yourself wondering at the beginning of each day, “just how many hours is it until bedtime?”

Here are a few tips I have found to be helpful:

1. Develop a Block Schedule - Depending on the age of your children, block scheduling can be helpful to offer a little “freedom” in the day for them, and structure for you. For example, art time/music time, reading time, play time, school time, rest time, outside time, etc. These can be modified to your family, and your child can either come up with their own ideas to do during these blocks; or if they are younger, you can create a list of options for them to go to during each block. Set up a schedule with your blocks each day; you can either have shorter blocks and do them all in one day or pick a few blocks to do a day and switch it up. *This can also be helpful if both parents are home and needing to work with kids at home. Parents can trade off blocks throughout the day.

2. Individual time - As a family, we are together most of the time, right now. It’s important that kids and adults find time for themselves. If you have younger children, you might have to find this time while they are sleeping. We are dealing with unusual circumstances right now, so it might call for some unique ways to create space for individual time. Give yourself some grace and be open to breaking your own “rules” here. I don’t promote screens as a default, but if you are having to make a choice between sanity and screens, sanity should win. Your children may be older and, thus, able to play or read by themselves. This is good: encourage everyone to find some time to be alone, when needed. This time will help give some rhythm to your days as well.

3. Choose the relationship - We are all going to get frustrated with our “new normal” at some point. Maybe your spouse is working from home and it feels like the whole house is the “new office”. Perhaps both parents need to work, and you’re stressed out trying to make it all work. There may be financial strain or challenges finding childcare. Or, maybe your kids are having a hard time dealing with their own anxieties and change in structure, too. Parenting through this can be difficult, but, choose the relationship. This is not a normal time for any of us, including our children. And, just like us, our kids are managing best they know how, in all of this unknown, with questions we may not be able to answer. Take a deep breath, remind yourself of this truth, and choose the relationship.

I really hope these ideas will help your family. Look for opportunities: In the midst of difficulty, change, and, uncertainty, we also find opportunity. As parents, we may even find that we are in a space to actually do the some of the things we’ve wanted to do with our kids, didn’t have the time. These are opportunities, if we can remember to see our “new normal” in that light. We will get through this time. And, hopefully with even more coping strategies and parenting tools than we had before.

Concerning COVID-19

Mon, 16 Mar 2020 15:36:54 GMT

Transforming Life Counseling Center wanted to inform you that we share many of the concerns with you regarding the ever-changing situation our communities are dealing with regarding the Coronavirus.

There is increased information and recommendations circulating about COVID-19, (or Coronavirus 19), from the Center for Disease Control (CDC), the World Health Organization (WHO), and OK.Gov, to ensure that we all have the most up-to-date information to protect ourselves and our community.

This is what TLCC is doing:

• At our facilities, we are paying extra attention to cleaning “high touch” areas and common areas. You will find hand soap and hand sanitizers in the restrooms.

• We encourage staff and clients to stay home if not feeling well, and for clients to make arrangements with your individual therapists if you need to reschedule an appointment. Please feel free to discuss any concerns with your therapist.

• COVID-19 is believed to spread primarily the same way the flu spreads – through respiratory droplets that are produced when someone coughs or sneezes. We are working to ensure our facilities stay properly stocked with necessary supplies.

• The Center for Disease Control recommends practicing good hygiene, including washing hands thoroughly, covering coughs or sneezes, practicing at least 6 foot or more distancing, and staying home when ill.

• If you or your family become ill, please seek direction from your medical doctor or facility regarding proper care for you and your family.

• Our therapists are working this week on getting set up to provide telehealth services, should the need arise. Feel free to ask your counselor about options.

We know that concerns are high right now, and although it is important to be wise and prepared, it is also important not to let ourselves get overly anxious. We will be staying up to date on any new developments and will communicate those to you, should anything change.

Finding Balance with Food

Sun, 15 Mar 2020 16:14:42 GMT

By Angie May, M.S. in Christian Counseling

and Macro Nutrition Coach

Why is it so hard to find balance in the area of fitness and Nutrition? This time of year the pressure is on to be ready for the Summer months and the majority of people will center their goals around weight loss. It is an industry that will likely top $33 billion a year on weight loss products alone; an industry that pushes quick, unrealistic weight loss with extreme changes to your diet such as the elimination of whole food groups, low calorie and cleanses that offer little help in the area of creating a balanced mindset of food. Here are some valuable statistics that offer some insight into what “dieting” has become:

95% of diets fail and most will regain their weight loss within 1-5 years.
75% of American women surveyed admitted to having unhealthy thoughts, feelings, or behaviors related to food or their bodies.
Almost half of American children between 1st-3rd grade want to be thinner and half of 9-10 year old girls are dieting.
Childhood obesity has tripled since the 80’s when America first called out its “War Against Obesity”.

I have worked in the fitness and nutrition industry for over 20 years and I have also fallen prey to the devastating effects of an eating disorder. What makes it so hard to beat anorexia or bulimia? An eating disorder is like no other addiction in that the very thing you have an addiction to, you have to face on a daily basis, multiple times a day. The healing process is complicated.

Even those that aren’t labeled with an eating disorder, often find it hard to see food in a balanced, positive light. When we begin to understand what food is and how it is used in our day to day routines, we can begin the process of changing the way we think and believe about food. Food is fuel for our bodies. Just like gasoline is required for a car to run, food is required for our bodies to function daily.

For the past 3 years, I have been a macro Nutrition coach where I train my clients to under-stand that balancing your Macronutrients (Protein, Carbohydrates, and Fat) is the key to long term weight loss and a healthy view of food. When we see on social media or hear our co-workers talking about losing 5-7 pounds in their first week of extreme dieting, it naturally peeks our interest because we live in a culture of instant gratification. However, the real truth is that healthy fat loss (which is what we want) ranges from 1-2 pounds a week and some weeks we might not see a loss because scale weight is not the only indicators of progress when we are working towards our overall health.

So, what are some practical things you can put into place today:

Start tracking your food in an app (I prefer MyFitnessPal). This gives you an awareness of the food that you are eating and the amounts.
Make SMART Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-Bound). This means you make small goals often so that you continue to see progress.
Keep your protein on the higher side. If you are someone that is a regular in the gym then make sure you get at least .8-1 grams of protein per pound of body weight. If you aren’t then make sure you get at least .6 grams per pound of body weight.
Prepare your meals and your eating in advance. You have heard the saying, “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. Make sure you set yourself up for success and a little bit of planning can help.
Engage in some kind of physical activity. This is not only good for your physical health but also your mental and emotional health.
Drink lots of water.
Get good sleep. Sleep is another factor that people rarely consider when having trouble managing their weight.

How can you begin to create balance when it comes to your physical health and how you treat food and exercise? Making small changes can lead to big results.

Hope is Alive - Testimony

Sat, 14 Mar 2020 16:20:59 GMT

Hope Is Alive (HIA) was approved by the Internal Revenue Service on November 1, 2013 as a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. The idea for the organization was born nearly a year before when our Executive Director, Lance Lang, received treatment for his own struggle with drugs and alcohol in 2011.

In order to hold themselves accountable and remain sober, Lance and five other newly sober men chose to rent a house together. The experience and life-change that took place between the six men defied all statistics on recovering addicts. Families and marriages were restored, spiritual growth and leadership began to flourish, and all men began excelling in their chosen career paths. Through that experience, Lance realized a substantial need for families and communities in Oklahoma affected by addiction. Six years later, Hope Is Alive has evolved from one men’s home to 18 homes (6 women’s, 1 alumni, 11 men’s). Since 2013, our program has grown from five beds to 179!

We pride ourselves in having a long-term program that is unlike any other in the country. Men and women leave our program equipped emotionally, professionally, spiritually, financially, with their families restored and a toolkit of life skills that enable them to contribute mightily to their respective community. If men and women are looking for accountability, growth, sustained sobriety and radical life-change, they can find it at Hope Is Alive.

Chelsea Williams struggled with addiction for over 15 years. She moved into the Hope is Alive program on April 29th, 2016. Chelsea’s story of transformation is nothing short of a miracle! Here is a part of her story:

My name is Chelsea Williams. I was raised in Harrah, Oklahoma along with three older brothers. Needless to say, I grew up quite the Daddy’s girl. In my childhood, my parents viewed success as what life looked like on the outside no matter how chaotic it was on the inside.

My mind was set at a very early age that I needed to be perfect in everything I did whether it be sports or school. Naturally, these expectations came with a lot of pressure. Prescription pills took ahold of my life pretty early on, beginning with Adderall to help me study and give me energy for sports. It was very normal as I made my way through high school, but I’ll never forget how I felt the day I tried pain pills for the first time at 19 years old. I had never felt such bliss and had never been more comfortable in my own skin.

My self worth went downhill pretty quickly for me. I kept finding myself in situations I never thought I’d be in, such as writing fake prescriptions, being homeless, and losing guardianship of my beautiful babies. Sadly this became normal for me.

While I was locked away detoxing off of the drugs, I just knew there had to be something better for me out there. Little did I know, God wasn’t done with me yet! In fact, He had a BIG purpose for my life that He was about to reveal!

Hope is Alive is where my journey switched from chasing after drugs to chasing after God! I have never felt God’s presence more than when I’m surrounded by my HIA family. Because of Hope is Alive, I now have custody of my two sons! I got married to my best friend and soulmate after 13 years of dating (he also went through the HIA program). I went from homeless to being a new homeowner! My future is bright today and my connection with God is stronger than it’s ever been. I owe everything to the Hope is Alive program and God who was there every step of the way!

From the Counselors Couch...

Thu, 12 Mar 2020 15:33:29 GMT

By Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

I can’t tell you how many times I get the question, “HOW do you do what you do (for a living)?” Some brave souls will even ask,”WHY?!” I suppose they’re implying, “why would you want to listen to people’s problems all day?” Or maybe, “how do you manage to hear difficult stories all day without slipping into some deep, dark, depression yourself?”

Quite honestly, my clients inspire me. I am touched by their trust, honesty and vulnerability. I never liked being around fake people. People tend to lose the facade when they allow themselves the difficult privilege of looking deeply into themselves and life’s painful experiences. It is this journey, where many of life’s valuable lessons occur:

Learning to be vulnerable with another person doesn’t have to be scary.
Dealing with painful emotions actually leads to freedom and healing.
Pain can also provide the best opportunities for healing and learning.
Present pain often brings up past trauma and can to healing old wounds
As someone goes deeper with their private pain, they often find the courage to go deeper in their own relationships

Therapy is a very personal journey. Being heard, validated and understood is so important. As a therapist, I’ve found that staying connected to my client, their pain and their perception of life’s circumstances, while trying to keep my eye on the bigger picture of hope, strength and possibility, is so important. It can be difficult to communicating both: If you over-communicate hope, you can lose connection. If you over connect/identify with the client and their pain, you can lose objectivity and, even become caught in the tailspin that brought them in, in the first place.

My days are never boring. Each person is unique. Every story is different. And, the ways depression or anxiety or trauma affects people and their relationships adds a different layer, too. My clients are courageous people and I learn something new with each and every client. They allow me to partner with them on that journey. And, that, too, is a privilege.

I’ve often said that we get a front row seat to watching God’s work in people’s lives. I’ve learned so much from my clients and their courageous and sometimes humbling work. It’s deeply personal and beautiful. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen things come together in someone’s life that dismantles old, ineffective and disabling aspects in their lives, and then watch the pieces fall into place where healing and repaired relationships occur. Pain and trauma can become opportunity. Paradigms shift and new ways of living can occur.

Sometimes, a person’s story stops me in my tracks. There are times I almost can’t comprehend the amount of trauma and pain, one person or family can endure. There are times where I am angry, hurt and overwhelmed right along with them. Watching my clients find strength they didn’t know they had, and the courage to push through the toughest things in life, is more than inspiring. And, I feel it is my job to roll up my sleeves and be tough enough to partner with them to help them find strength, resources, relationships and hope. The story is theirs, and the victory is theirs. But, I am just along for the ride and, I am honored.

So, if you’ve ever wondered about how hard it is to do what we counselors do, please know there are so many blessings. From the counselor’s couch, this work is a privilege and an honor, and, quite honestly, I am inspired.

Kristen Callaway, LMFT Joins our Team of Therapists

Wed, 11 Mar 2020 16:24:31 GMT

Kristen is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy from Oklahoma Baptist University. She has worked in both nonprofit and private practice settings, providing counseling to clients with diverse religious, cultural, and socioeconomic backgrounds.

Kristen is the wife to a military veteran and Oklahoma first responder, so she knows first-hand the unique stressors and experiences those individuals and families face. She feels it is important to work with the service member/veteran/first responder and their family to ensure that healing from traumatic situations and strained relationships takes place. She has a deep passion to work with those who serve and protect our communities and country.

Kristen works with adult individuals, couples, and families therapy facing difficulties such as anxiety, depression, grief, low self-esteem, post-divorce transitions, relationship problems, trauma, and more. She utilizes an integrative therapy approach to meet her client’s needs and goals. She is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a highly effective type of therapy to help people heal from trauma and other distressing life events. Kristen believes that what is most powerful about therapy is what happens in session and the security and trust clients have in her. She believes everyone has the ability to overcome their struggles.

Merry Christmas from TLCC!

Thu, 19 Dec 2019 21:35:40 GMT

2019 was a great year for Transforming Life Counseling Center. Our team of 21 counselors has grown and we have a group of therapists that is equipped to work with a variety of issues. We are so blessed to have such great people to work alongside each day. And, it has been our honor and privilege to partner with each of you in a journey towards healing relationally and personally.

We also were blessed to host a Conference on November 2, 2019, where we provided those in ministry, mental health professionals, and students with a life-giving conference that sought to bring together both the faith-based community and the mental health field. Our goal was to provide attendees with something that very few in Oklahoma had seen, a conference that focused on mental health while acknowledging that faith is a necessity to healthier living. We were excited to greet over 200 attendees and to fellowship with them as we learned together. Many relationships were forged and we are excited to see where God will bless these unions in the days to come.

TLCC is wishing you a blessed Holiday and Christmas Season. We look forward to partnering with you in creating healthier lives and relationships. We value each referral and each referral source and are so grateful for the trust you put into our team! May your New Year be truly blessed!

Favorite Christmas Memories

Thu, 19 Dec 2019 21:23:17 GMT

By Caleb Scoville, LPC

A cherished event for me is attending the Christmas Eve Service at my hometown Church with my family. I grew up attending a small-town Lutheran Church in Western OK. I am being honest when I say half the church are relatives of mine.

The Christmas eve candlelight service is special to me of course because the true meaning of this time of year, but also the gathering of family and friends that takes place for many during the Christmas season.

I enjoy catching up at church with people that have known me all of my life as well as the relatives I may have not seen in years. My favorite part of the Christmas Eve service, however, is when we turn down the lights to sing Silent Night by candlelight. Hearing the voices sing in unison about our Savior’s birth has moved me as long as I can remember. Even when I was at the age(s) when I had peaked at my presents and was in a rush to get home to them, my focus, during silent night always seemed to center on only those poignant moments.

I realize how blessed I am to have the hustle and bustle of the Family Christmases I attend each year. Yet, the one thing that consistently moves me are the quiet moments when its dark, yet the light of the world is always there to remind us all “I did this for you.”

Dr. Keith Crownover, PhD, LPC Joins TLCC

Thu, 19 Dec 2019 21:20:24 GMT

Dr. Keith Crownover, PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor: has been working with those beset by addictions and those who suffered loss over the course of the past thirty years. Dr. Keith earned an under graduate degree in Criminal Justice and spent a couple of years working with Inmates at one of Oklahoma's Medium/Maximum security penitentiaries. During his tenure, he was the facility Mental Health Authority, later being promoted to the Administrator of Healthcare within the facility. Keith, also has a graduate degree in Professional Counseling (MS) and is licensed as an LPC. He graduated Suma Cum Laude, Doctorate in Christian Counseling from Seminary. He is Certified nationally as a Chemical Dependency Counselor through the Faith Based Training Institute. Keith is a Pastoral Counselor and a member of ACPE, Accredited Clinical Pastoral Education. Additionally, he holds ordination and membership with the National Association of Christian Ministers. His passion and focus is assisting adolescents and young adults beset by addiction as well as mental illness, a co occurring disorder. Dr. Crownover has a great deal of experience in working with those struggling with grief/loss, as well as depression and anxiety, pastoral counseling, couples/families, adolescents and their challenges.

Specialties: extensive experience with clergy and their families as well as medical professionals (ie: physicians, nurses, etc.) and adolescent trauma. Trained in DBT. Keith is a Board recognized LPC Supervisor.

Keith believes that we are all unique and very special individualized beings and thus have very special needs requiring personalized assistance. He looks forward to coming alongside of those in need and helping them identify their strengths, options for change and accomplish that which will benefit them most.

Insurance Accepted: HealthChoice, Healthcare Highways, BCBS, United (Optum)

What’s in Your Bag?

Tue, 03 Dec 2019 22:00:40 GMT

By Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

As our family walked through our dark hours, I began to carry around a new bag, stuffed with emotions that typically weren’t mine to carry. One of the most profound “anger.” It was the kind of anger that looked more like hate and it ate away at me. This was pain deeper than I had ever imagined, leaving me in circumstances that were unfamiliar and a future I feared more than hoped for. This “bag” was heavy and I knew it would define me if I allowed it. I also knew for the first time that I could shove that bag behind some stuff in the closet and try to forget about it and just move forward. But this bag was big and it was toxic and it wasn’t going anywhere, if I didn’t do something about it myself.

Moving forward was so hard. I recalled the words of Mother Teresa, “You don’t know God is all you need, until He’s all you’ve got.” We’d lost so much, but I still had my husband and two kids, so as best as I could, I tried to believe her. I grabbed on her words like a lifeline, trying to move forward, watching pieces begin to fall together as we rebuilt our lives. Slowly, I began to step into hope, with that “bag of emotions” tucked safely inside of the closet. But what I realized was that the word “forgiveness” is actually quite powerful, because each time I heard it, that “bag of emotions” would come tumbling out of the closet and spill itself all over the floor, leaving me raw, overwhelmed and angry. The word “forgiveness” actually stopped me in my tracks and showed me exactly where I was at in my healing. As a therapist, I knew I couldn’t stay here.

I was challenged by someone to write letters that I would never send to those that hurt me and my family, I pushed through the walls of anger and exposed the raw pain that the anger had covered up, blocking me from my own healing. It was hard and I worked through grief I didn’t expect. But, I also learned several things:

I could get through it
God is enough
There is actual freedom on the other side.
I had to go through all of the stages of grief to experience that freedom, and any pit stop in the areas of anger/blame/resentment, or bargaining/guilt/codependency, or denial in any form would only serve to block me from dealing with the pain.
Dealing with pain, was exactly what led me to my own recovery.
Forgiveness came naturally for the first time, after I allowed myself to go into the dark places of my pain. And, I will never forget a lady named “Leslie” who walked through this painstaking journey with me.

In the Bible, Jesus says to forgive not 7 times, but 70x7. I always believed that this symbolized a type of forgiveness that know no limits; but, I also wonder if perhaps Jesus says this because He understood that real forgiveness might be a process? But, it also says to forgive as we have been forgiven, as an essential to being made right with God. And, it isn’t just asked in the Christian Faith, it’s expected. So, out of obedience, we step into it, 70x7, until it isn’t just words or a behavior: it is a true heart change, and includes the healing and freedom that we desire.

In the Bible there was the story of the prostitute who was about to be stoned to death by religious others, met Jesus in the context of a profound, short, but life-changing conversation. (John 8:1-11) The religious teachers and Pharisees asked Jesus if they should “stone” her as Moses had indicated. Jesus drew something in the sand and then stood and said, “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” Each realizing they too had fallen short in various ways, dropped their stones and walked away. Here is the pivotal piece: Jesus then says to her, “Where are your accusers?” She says, “No one, Lord.” She had look up, out of fear and shame, and meet Jesus, eye to eye. I believe He asked her to look up, to see He had seen her, protected her and forgave her. Then He says, “Then neither do I condemn. Go no more in sin.” He is relational. He forgives. He gives new beginnings. He calls us to greater things. We are loved. Not because of what we do, but because of who He is.

I told you of the bag of emotions that blocked my own healing for a time... So, tell me, what’s in your bag?

THRIVING DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Mon, 02 Dec 2019 16:54:03 GMT

by Pam Forducey, PhD, ABRP

The holidays can elicit a mixed bag of emotions for many of us. On the one hand, we can have feelings of excitement and joy. On the other, there can be worry, sadness and guilt. Many of us approach the holidays with a positive outlook but somewhere along the way we get off track. Before we know it, we are stressed and the idea of having a joyful, relaxing time with loved ones is the furthest thing from our minds.

Five Areas of Wellness to Promote THRIVING

Identify what you are doing to take care of your whole self (mind/body/spirit) using the below five areas of wellness. Which areas are you nourishing and which areas might you be neglecting? Examples are included for each area of wellness to help you get started. After this exercise, pick one or two areas that you need to improve and identify activities that can foster growth in this area. For accountability, ask a significant other or close friend to help you follow through with your goals for the identified area of wellness. Try to stick to your plan(s) for at least 30 days to try your best to make it a lifestyle habit and to carry over to the new year!

Physical (Taking care of your body/physical health)
Example : Plan Time for Exercise – Exercise is a great holiday de-stressor, preventative to weight gain & means to elevate your energy levels and enhance your mood! Try 15-30 minute brisk walk a day.
Intellectual/Mental (Focusing on stimulating your brain/thinking skills/intellect)
Example : Find a book you have been wanting to read. If you don’t like reading but want to learn more about a topic of interest, download Audible and listen to the book online.
Social (Interacting with family, friends, co-workers vs. isolating from others)
Example : Reach out to friends, co-workers and let them know what you appreciate about them. Send them a note of gratitude or make that phone call that you have been putting off. Another example to nurture the social self is to consider volunteering your time and talent to a local non-profit organization.
Emotional (Addressing your feelings and emotions throughout the day. Note that emotions are neither negative nor positive. Just acknowledge them.)
Example : Journal your emotions. Research has shown that journaling is good for your emotional health. Thinking (out of your head) to Inking (on to the paper)! Try it! If there is significant heaviness of heart, consider seeking professional counseling.
Spiritual (Spending time in prayer, having a daily quiet time or fellowshipping with others of your faith)
Example : Have a daily time of quietness to reflect on your day, no judgment but process and accept the day as it is. Read a daily devotional like Jesus Calling by Sarah Young or The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.

Moving from Surviving to Thriving After Childhood Trauma and Abuse

Mon, 02 Dec 2019 16:29:49 GMT

As a mental health professional, I have to look at this story and ask myself, “Despite all the abuse and trauma that my grandfather and his little brother endured, how did they grow up to be such amazing leaders for our family when so many who have endured trauma have continued to struggle with the effects of their trauma?” This question caused me to ask even further, “Why is it that some people show more resiliency than others?” As I researched this and later presented on it, it became clearer that resiliency is dependent upon several factors: the characteristics of the individual, the type and characteristics of the event(s), developmental processes, the meaning of the trauma, and sociocultural factors.

Survivors’ immediate reactions in the aftermath of trauma are quite complicated and are affected by their own experiences, the accessibility of natural supports and healers, their coping and life skills and those of immediate family, and the responses of the larger community in which they live. Although reactions range in severity, even the most acute responses are natural responses to manage trauma—they are not a sign of psychopathology. Helping individuals know that even though their trauma is unique to them, their responses to the traumatic event(s) are normal will often help put their minds and hearts at ease as they work to confront more of their trauma experiences.

Children who suffer from traumatic stress reactions are those who have been exposed to one or more traumas over the course of their lives and develop reactions that persist and affect their daily lives after the traumatic events have ended. Traumatic stress reactions can include a variety of responses, including intense and ongoing emotional distress, depressive symptoms, anxiety, behavioral changes, difficulties with attention, academic difficulties, nightmares, physical symptoms such as difficulty sleeping and eating, and aches and pains, just to name a few. Although many of us may experience these reactions from time to time, when a child is experiencing traumatic stress reactions, they interfere with the child’s daily life and ability to function and interact with others.

When trauma is left untreated, the traumatic stress reactions can last well beyond childhood. In fact, research shows that child trauma survivors are more likely to have the following: learning problems, including lower grades and more suspensions and expulsions; increased use of health services, including mental health services; increased involvement with the child welfare and juvenile justice systems; and long term health problems, such as diabetes and heart diseases. So, how do we treat childhood trauma? What are the most effective techniques? The National Registry of Evidence-Based Programs and Practices, along with the National Child Traumatic Stress Network have identified four of the most effective approaches when treating childhood trauma: Trauma-Focused CBT, Child-Parent Psychotherapy, Attachment and Biobehavioral Catch-Up, and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy.

At TLCC, we have a great group of therapists that love to engage in treatment with children and their families, and one of the leading programs that we use is Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). We have seen so much healing come from this program and the dedication of our therapists as they work alongside families and children who have experienced traumatic events. PCIT is an evidenced-based treatment that lasts anywhere between 14-25 weeks. The goals of treatment are to: strengthen the parent-child relationship; improve the child’s pro-social behaviors; decrease the child’s negative behaviors; improve the frustration tolerance and anger management of both parent and child; decrease parenting stress; and effectively implement a positive discipline plan. PCIT utilizes structured play sessions between the parent and the child to help heal the attachment bond that was shattered by trauma and instill a feeling of safety and security that can help the child and their families thrive.

When I think about PCIT, it's all about healing the bonds of relationship. And when it comes to resiliency, one of the leading necessities for resiliency is community. God has made us to be relational; first, in relationship with Him, and then, in relationship with others. We are stronger when we are grounded and connected in safe and secure relationships. Children thrive in this kind of an atmosphere and through treatments like PCIT, we can help them heal while we strengthen their ability to feel safe and secure once again.

Parents Helping Parents

Mon, 02 Dec 2019 16:10:31 GMT

“ If you are dealing with a child of any age abusing alcohol or other drugs, you are not alone. We can help. We are ‘caring parents offering hope through resources, education, and shared experience.’ Our goal is empowering parents to exchange the chaos that addiction brings for peace, as they learn tools to support recovery.”

- Parents Helping Parents Support Network

Tuesday, December 3rd, five counselors from Transforming Life Counseling Center will be speaking at a panel for Parent’s Helping Parents monthly meeting in Edmond. Diane Holland, Pam Forducey, Kevin Tutty, Keith Crownover and Caleb Scoville will be addressing mental health and substance abuse issues such as boundaries, codependency, consistency, sharing personal stories and examples of what does and does not work when dealing with mental health issues. Please join Transforming Life Counseling Center and our continued support of Parent’s Helping Parents, a wonderful resource for families across the state. PHP provide support, resources and hope for parents of addicted children (any age child). This is an anonymous meeting and no cost or reservations required.

Parents Helping Parents Edmond Chapter meets at McLaren’s Pantry on 3414 S. Boulevard, Edmond, OK 73013 from 6:30-7:45. For more information or questions please call (405) 642-8198 or see the websites listed below.

https://www.parentshelpingparents.info/

https://www.parentshelpingparents.info/edmond

Routine: The Silent Killer

Fri, 04 Oct 2019 15:40:19 GMT

By: Michael Cross, LPC

The school year is in full swing and families are well into well-structured days and routine. This tends to make our lives run a lot more smoothly. Let’s face it, humans need structure and we like routine. We work and sometimes perform better with routine and our bodies even adapt and function more naturally with routine. Structure and routine are necessary in a lot of ways. However, “routine” can lead to us operating on autopilot during school year, can also be a “silent killer” in some ways, for relationships.

Did you know that you are more likely to get into car accident within a five-mile radius of your house than in, let’s say, Dallas’s or Los Angeles’s rush-hour traffic! “How can that be?”, you might ask. It is because of the “autopilot” mode we get into when we are too familiar with our surroundings. We literally check out, are unaware, and drop our attention. Have you ever pulled into your driveway and scared yourself because you couldn’t remember driving the last 3 miles home? Exactly! Your mind went into autopilot and you were thinking of other things and not consciously focused on the vehicles, signs, or roads around you. Now think of being on a major city highway during rush-hour traffic, how heightened is your awareness? How tightly are you gripping the wheel? Right, you are on high alert of everything around you so as not to create or get into a major accident.

So, let’s apply this to relationship with our spouses and children. Have you ever gotten back from a vacation or a small get away and thought, “Wow, I really feel like I connected with my spouse/family on that trip!” Well of course you did! You were in an unfamiliar place with no set routines. Because of that, you were more aware of the people you were with and easily engaged them. At home, especially during the school year, the routines are so concrete that you might not even notice your spouse or your kids coming in the door, much less actually hear their response when you routinely ask, “How was your day?”, as you routinely sit on the sofa with your favorite show on and looking at social media on your phone. Is it is sounding familiar yet? Am I making my point? Routines cause us to subconsciously check out of reality. We function on “low-power” mode and are not really aware of, much less engaged with the ones we love. Therefore, our relationships and intimacy begin to suffer.

Is there anything we can do to prevent suffering in our relationships due to the autopilot mode of routines? Here are some helpful tips to try. First, identify the routines. Start by making an hour by hour log of your day, every day, for a week. Write down where you are, what you are doing, even what words or phrases you say to members of your family at certain times (e.g. like when you/they leave in the morning, come home in the evening, or when going to bed). Find the patterns in your life (e.g. like where and when do you sit down to eat, look at your phone, watch tv, read a book, etc..). Ask your spouse and your kids to do the same. Once identified, try to break the routines by intentionally doing something different like implementing interactive family activities, having dinner at the kitchen table, rearranging the furniture, or even redecorating (our brains make associations with specific stimuli, for example: bed means “sleep”, couch means “veg”, tv means “don’t’ talk to me”, and so on)! To conclude, identify and break the destructive routines that ruin our relationships, be more intentional with your structure at home, find new and creative ways to bring awareness and keep things fresh, try new words and phrases and even times to communicate and interact with each other. Don’t let the silent killer destroy the intimacy and connectedness you can have with the ones you love this year!

Michael Cross, MA, LPC is a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

The Surprising Wonders of Group Therapy - Part 2

Fri, 04 Oct 2019 15:35:54 GMT

“A persuasive body of outcome research has demonstrated unequivocally that group therapy is a highly effective form of psychotherapy and that it is at least equal to individual psychotherapy in its power to provide meaningful benefit. ”
- The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy by Dr. Irvin D. Yalom

When we are initially seeking counseling we tend to look for our own individualized session that provides a one-on-one meeting with a counselor. This is the most common form of counseling and like many people this may be the only type of counseling that we are aware of. Individual therapy can be life changing, presenting a safe environment to heal and voice thoughts and feelings we have often concealed from our family and friends. It can be powerful to be “seen” whether we are at our best or worst, and yet we are still acceptable. We are safe.
Group therapy is another form of counseling that can be equally powerful. This may not be immediately attractive to us. The idea of sitting down with a group of people to share our story can be frightening. We fear that we will be scrutinized, judged and misunderstood, but so does everyone else who ever joins a group. There is always that initial anxiety. Isn’t that what keeps us from seeking out community in the first place and isolating ourselves?

Group therapy can be a surprisingly wonderful addition to your individual therapy. We discover others on their own journey seeking things similar to ourselves. We find that the cries of our hearts are echoing in other’s hearts. It turns out that others have “pretended” and kept secrets. We no longer feel isolated and alone, because we now have a community of people who are rooting for us to keep going and who applaud our courage to disclose our pain and joy. Group therapy allows us to be “seen” and to heal with others.

I have witnessed this many times in groups I have co-facilitated elsewhere and at Transforming Life Counseling Center. Once you start looking for a group you will find that there are many types of groups available. If you are ready to enhance your therapeutic experience and join a group, check out our website, ask your therapist, or call our office for further information.

Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC Candidate. Kristen is a Candidate pursuing licensure and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Meet Kim Farris, LPC, LADC

Thu, 03 Oct 2019 00:00:00 GMT

Kim is dual licensed as a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor as well as a Licensed Professional Counselor. She has worked in the field over 10 years and has extensive experience working with adolescents, adults and families struggling with various issues that interfere with their quality of life. She graduated with honors from the University of Central Oklahoma in 2004 with a Bachelor degree in Biology and double minored in Spanish and Psychology. She went on to graduate school at Southwestern Oklahoma State University where she obtained a Master’s of Education degree in Community Counseling in 2006. Her passion to help people reclaim their lives from the devastating impact of addiction and dysfunctions is evident in her work. Kim is dedicated to help those still struggling shines through in every aspect of her life.

Meet Pamela G. Forducey, Ph.D. ABRP

Wed, 02 Oct 2019 00:00:00 GMT

Dr. Forducey has been a licensed psychologist since 1990 and has served in hospital/medical settings for over 25 years working with individuals and their family members with acquired neurological disabilities; including traumatic brain injury, stroke, Parkinson’s disease, neurodegenerative disorders, multiple sclerosis, spinal cord injury, and amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (Lou Gehrig’s disease). She also has expertise and interest in working with individuals and their family members with chemical addiction, co-occurring mental illness, and trauma. She received her board certification in rehabilitation psychology from the American Board of Professional Psychology in 2004.

Rehabilitation psychology is the provision of psychological services consistent with the level of impairment, disability and handicap relative to the personal preferences, needs and resources of the individual with a disability. Using evidence-based treatment modalities, she provides individual, cognitive, and group therapy with a primary goal to educate and empower her clients and their family members to achieve optimal physical, cognitive, psychosocial, and vocational functioning. Dr. Forducey believes it is paramount to interface with the client’s medical providers (physicians, advance practice professionals, case managers, physical/occupational/speech therapists) to ensure integration of medical treatment and psychological services. She also administers psychological personality testing, neurocognitive behavioral screenings, geriatric assessments for individuals 18 years and older.

Over the past ten years, she has been an active volunteer and leader for Crossings Community Church Celebrate Recovery (CR) ministry, based on the 12-steps of AA and the 8 recovery principles. Serving in a leadership role, as a trainer and sponsor of CR leaders, has allowed her to use her clinical skills in a faith-based setting helping individuals who are struggling with a variety of issues including depression, anxiety, codependency, and chemical addiction.

The Power of Connection:

Tue, 16 Jul 2019 00:00:00 GMT

How our social brain sets the stage

By Tiffany Fuller, LMFT

Recently I took a trip to Brooklyn to meet my three month old nephew, Oak, and to celebrate his big brother Micah’s third birthday. For a weekend I time traveled back to the days of diaper changes, peek-a-boo, and songs that make clean up time a little more fun (at least, that’s the hope). Being with the boys was a tangible reminder of the subtle, yet powerful ways that relationships with primary caregivers in early childhood shapes our experience of self and another. Responsive, attuned care helps create a neurobiological foundation of security, connection and differentiation- or, as British psychologist and child development expert John Bowlby noted-a “secure base”. This healthy attachment serves as a resource and roadmap for adult relationship. In contrast, if the dance of connection is ruptured and left unrepaired, this is then encoded as physiological and emotional danger signs, which often direct the relational course long after the “danger” has passed. To illustrate how secure attachment forms, let’s return to baby Oak.

During my trip, I spent hours holding my nephew. He would settle into my lap and smile at me, gurgling and cooing. And, of course, I cooed right back. He stared at me and chortled; I gazed into his wide blue eyes chortling in return. It was reflexive. When Oak made quirky baby sounds and I responded, we both wound up grinning…it was a mutual feedback loop of delight! As we synchronized in this subconscious “dance” of attunement, mirror neurons were activated and neuronal connections formed that allowed Oak to integrate sensory information and repeated behavior, encoding it as a felt sense of safety and comfort. Through his parent’s reliable, emotionally tuned-in caregiving, baby Oak was developing a secure attachment, and that weekend I got to participate in strengthening those mental maps.

When an infant’s primary caregiver (often, but not always the mother) responds with consistent nurture— baby is comforted when distressed, fed when hungry, changed when wet, and baby’s need for play and rest is attended. Over time, he develops a healthy attachment, an internalized mental representation of the caregiver, which acts as a secure base from which he explores the world. Repeated experiences of responsive, sensitive caregiving allow the baby to use mother’s emotional state as a stabilizing resource. He forms mental maps that help him anticipate that his needs will be met. As disruptions in the relationship occur (for example, if mother takes longer than normal to feed baby), these are repaired quickly and the sense of connection is reestablished. These patterns are encoded in implicit memory. The baby then learns that s/he can be sad/mad/uncomfortable, and, concurrently, safe and secure. Implicit memory is nonverbal, subconscious, and consists primarily of images, sensory information, and repeated patterns of behavior. It allows the baby to expect particular responses. The baby learns, when I smile, mother smiles; when I cry, mother cuddles or feeds me. Through this attuned response, baby gains his first sense of self. He knows himself as safe and good, initially through the loving gaze and consistent care of the other.

Our capacity to co-regulate—to both receive and offer a felt sense of support, safety and connection, continues to develop as we grow. As shown above, our brains are “social,” structured to make sense of information about ourselves and the world around us, in the context of relationship. We begin life dependent on another and then mature, experiencing ourselves as both different (individual) and deeply connected to others (belonging/interdependence).

However, many discover as adults, that there are steps of the dance that relationship in their family of origin did not teach them. Sometimes the gaps in experience affect our sense of separate but connected. Missed steps may make it difficult for a person to feel secure when a loved one has “negative” emotions; the inner map may flash the signal “I’m not okay if you’re not okay”. Others value competence and independence, but fear the vulnerability that comes with sharing their inner world. That seems dangerous. This map may read “I am only valued for what I do, not who I am” or “It is better to be safe than risk rejection”.

Reflection points:

Where do you feel out of step with yourself or others?
What messages have you believed about yourself that are outdated, incomplete or false-and how does this affect what you do?
When do you feel most connected or alive?
How do you sustain that sense of connection in your daily life?

The good news is that human beings have an amazing capacity for growth. Contrary to previous understanding, our brains continue to develop throughout the lifespan. We can rewire neural pathways as we learn to pay attention to moments of connection with “the good” and allow them to settle in. So, take a breath--Notice how it feels in your body. Notice what thoughts and emotions arise, tune-in to images that bubble up when you let yourself recall positive experience. Over time these moments become a neural network toward contentment and inner resting place to return to when life’s challenges occur.

Author: Tiffany Fuller, LMFT. Tiffany is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the State of Oklahoma and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

What it means to parent

Mon, 15 Jul 2019 15:36:47 GMT

Parent: verb (used with object) to be or act as parent of:

to parent children with both love and discipline.

By Kevin Tutty, LPC

After looking up the word, “Parent,” in the dictionary and finding this definition as a verb tense, I thought it intriguing that the words, “Love,” and “Discipline” were used. I have taught parenting classes and looked for ways to convey this principle, but this definition itself, really boiled down what I was trying to say. The definition implies that one of the most important parts of parenting is correcting children. It is almost as if the writers of this definition took a cue from the Bible, with Proverbs 13:24 saying, among other things, that the one who loves their child disciplines them.

Without the child seeing discipline in love, they will likely see correction as punishment, which is viewed as “unfair.” Children have a strong sense of justice, so if the correction is done in a loving manner, the child will see it as equitable and comply willingly. However, if the correction is dealt in a harsh, critical, condemning manner, the child will view the correction as being, “mean.” My wife is very good at delivering correction in a manner that is seen in a loving manner from our 2 boys, ages 9 and 11. Balancing correction with the right amount of grace and consistency is a balancing act that is often difficult to find, a subject that will come up later.

I must admit as a counselor it is much easier to see inconsistencies in other parents than in my own parenting style! I think my training in a cognitive-behavioral approach has led me towards a reward for positive behavior and a negative consequence for unwanted behavior. This approach can lead to what is known as a “token economy,” in which the connection between the reward and the behavior is lost, so the reason for the reward is just to get the “token.” This relationship is common at schools, where, “treasure boxes,” have become the norm. Kids are definitely motivated by the “treasure” more than learning the reason for engaging in the behavior. The intent is that the external rewards (token) will lead to internal rewards (reason for engaging in positive behavior), but if the internal reward is not brought up each time the external reward is given, internal motivation is often lost.

A limitation with this approach is that the child doesn’t learn intrinsic motivation. While some children are naturally inclined to be motivated by “doing a good job” or “it is the right thing to do,” other children have difficulty in finding drive and determination without external motivation. This latter category will need more consistent reminders for the reason for the corrective behavior in order to instill the reason for the correction. It will also take longer for these kids to see the relationship the parent wants the child to see for the reason for the behavior. For instance, an allowance for doing chores is given with the hope that a strong work ethic is instilled, so it should be noted each time the value of doing a good job. This can be accomplished with consistent praise.

Some research has noted that the best results occur with only rewards given with no negative consequences. It seems that these results have been obtained in a laboratory setting in a research trial, but in actual practice, I think a negative consequence should be held out as a motivating factor as well. This is the classic “Carrot and stick” approach. Use the carrot first, but if it doesn’t work, you still have the stick!” For children that do not require much negative reinforcement at all, a consequence may be just not getting the reward, but for stronger-willed children, negative consequences may need to be used more often. Most families (including my own!) have children with polar opposite temperaments, so different approaches may need to be used for each child.

Just be ready for the “That’s not fair!” As the culture and public schools in general, have rightly implemented fairness across their discipline programs, the idea that “fair” being “equal” has also crept in. Because children are different, they often will have different types of consequences. Some kids may not care about going to the Treasure Box, so motivation for this reward will not apply. Internally motivated children sometimes have behavioral problems in school because they are motivated differently. They may be more motivated by recognition for good work or social approval. While the Treasure Box isn’t likely to go away any time soon in the elementary schools, it is important to instill the parent’s moral values in motivating their children.

Author: Kevin Tutty, MS, LPC. Kevin is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Circle of Security Parenting Series 2

Sun, 14 Jul 2019 00:00:00 GMT

Caleb Scoville, MS, LPC

“My advice to parents is not to miss an opportunity to show affection to their babies”

-Mary Ainsworth

“There is no such thing as a baby, there is only a baby and someone”

-Donald Winnicott, M.D.

(Developmental psychologists and attachment experts)

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that caring relationships and positive parenting build resilience and strength in our children and us. Research also demonstrates that conclusions learned early in life tend to replicate themselves. Thus, how our parents interacted with us, in our very first relationship, tends to be how we will be with our children and others. As an ancient quote tells us, “we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are”

At times, all parents feel lost or without a clue about what our children might need from us. Imagine what it might be life if you were able to make sense of what your child was really asking from you. With the Circle of Security Parenting (COS-P) program this is possible. COS-P is based on decades of research about how secure parent-child relationships can be supported and strengthened.

A few of the many benefits of a secure attachment between parents and children include feeling less anger at parents, turning to parents when in trouble and children solving problems on their own. We also see many physical health benefits to a secure attachment as the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study shows us. The ACE study links early negative experiences to health, relationships and how we parent (for more information see references below).

In the Circle of Security Parenting Series caregivers learn a path of secure attachment focusing on children’s needs and caregiver’s state of mind rather than focusing on children’s behaviors.

“Bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind”—a parenting style with a high level of the caregiver being “in charge” matched with a high level of caregiver warmth and affection. This is at the heart of a secure attachment. Children from these families tend to be more mature, independent and academically successful. Recognition that we have a parent who can be counted on to lovingly provide tenderness, comfort, firm guidance and protection during inevitable difficulties. Honestly, all of us have this need some of the time, regardless of our age. “Bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind” becomes a central parenting focus/goal (repeated often) within the COS protocol.

In the Circle of Security approach, participants learn the importance of being with and organizing their children’s feelings. Lessons parents learn in the COS protocol can be modeled via parenting styles and will go with a child throughout their life.

For more information on the Circle of Security curriculum and how to get involved please contact Caleb at Transforming Life Counseling Center for more information.

Calebscovillelpc@gmail.com

References:

https://www.aap.org/en-us/Pages/ Default .aspx

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/about.html

https://www.circleofsecurityinternational.com/

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/Pages/default.aspx

Author: Caleb Scoville, MA, LPC, is a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Book Highlight: “Numb” by Kay Gackle, LMFT

Sat, 13 Jul 2019 00:00:00 GMT

Reviewed by Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

Being numb can be considered a feeling, the same as white is considered a color. The color white exists because it absorbs no color; it is literally the absence of color. In the same way, “numb” is the absence of feeling. The color white can be seen when it is against a background of other colors. Likewise, we recognize being numb against the knowledge of where other feelings would typically exist.

Many times, when we are exposed to trauma or face chronic stress and busyness, it takes a toll on us emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. When this occurs, we may actually begin to feel detached from our experiences, our people and ourselves. Emotionally, this feels numb: the absence of feeling.

In this book, we identify what being numb looks like in everyday life, how we get numb, and the problems and symptoms surrounding it. Not stopping there, we will journey together into a deeper understanding of our emotions and begin to let ourselves feel again. Through other’s stories, engaging questions and practical tools, we can find healing and move beyond being numb.

The book Numb actually takes you through the process of healing by reacquainting you with the emotions you have detached from and then helps you to use them as a barometer to guide you towards healing. Through the process of identifying feelings, naming them, analyzing truth and facts related to those feelings, we can then make healthier, intentional choices in life. More importantly, as we begin to heal these areas in our lives and start feeling again, we begin to connect more deeply to the important people and parts of our lives. Warning: As this occurs, you will feel pain. It also means you will begin to feel joy and so many other emotions in between. The book itself will guide and support you in this process. You are not alone.

“Numb” is a book for those who have experienced great hardships and have had to turn their emotions off to deal with life. But, it is also a book for many of us who experience chronic stress or have just succumbed to living a life characterized by over commitment and detachment from the most meaningful things in our lives. It’s a great book to help us all re-attune ourselves to the truly important aspects of ourselves so that we can live our lives with greater meaning and purpose.

I hope you will either order a copy of this book online or find a copy you can pick up for a great price in the lobby at TLCC!

Author: Kay Gackle, LMFT. Kay is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the State of Oklahoma and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

The Surprising Wonders of Group Therapy - Part 1

Thu, 09 May 2019 16:39:44 GMT

- The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy by Dr. Irvin D. Yalom

Group therapy is another form of counseling that can be equally powerful. This may not be immediately attractive to us. The idea of sitting down with a group of people to share our story can be frightening. We fear that we will be scrutinized, judged and misunderstood, but so does everyone else who ever joins a group. There is always that initial anxiety. Isn’t that what keeps us from seeking out community in the first place and isolating ourselves?

Group therapy can be a surprisingly wonderful addition to your individual therapy. We discover others on their own journey seeking things similar to ourselves. We find that the cries of our hearts are echoing in other’s hearts. It turns out that others have “pretended” and kept secrets. We no longer feel isolated and alone, because we now have a community of people who are rooting for us to keep going and who applaud our courage to disclose our pain and joy. Group therapy allows us to be “seen” and to heal with others.

I have witnessed this many times in groups I have co-facilitated elsewhere and at Transforming Life Counseling Center. Once you start looking for a group you will find that there are many types of groups available. If you are ready to enhance your therapeutic experience and join a group, check out our website, ask your therapist, or call our office for further information.

Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC Candidate. Kristen is a Candidate pursuing licensure and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Book Highlight: “How People Grow” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.

Thu, 09 May 2019 00:00:00 GMT

People talk all the time about a personal desire to “grow spiritually.” Some even find themselves being tasked with helping others in their spiritual growth. But what exactly is required for spiritual growth? How does one go about increasing strength and intimacy in their spiritual walk, their marriage and family life, their friendships, and in their own personal development? How can you assist others in doing this as well? Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend (the popular authors of Boundaries ), in their book, How People Grow , use their very practical and passionate theology, the backbone of their counseling philosophy, to tear apart popular misconceptions about how God operates and how growth occurs.

This book is two-fold in its approach. It addresses the responsibility that is essential for one’s own personal growth as well the responsibilities of pastors, counselors, mentors, and any others who are helping others in growing. The authors discuss the necessary processes that cause growth (psychology) and how those processes go hand in hand with a biblical understanding of spiritual growth (theology). It is revealed how spiritual growth and the real-life issues we face every day are one and the same. All issues are spiritual issues! The whole book is sprinkled with scripture and real-life examples!

How People Grow is broken down into four major parts. The section, “Paradise Lost,” first addresses the failures of popular “Christian” ways of thinking about personal growth (the sin model, truth model, experiential model, and the supernatural model), and how a more accumulative model is necessary (one that focuses on God, Christ, the Holy Spirit, sin, salvation, the Church, among other topics). It shows us that true growth is harder than we originally thought and that it is impossible to alone. The authors point out that mankind is in a “fallen state” because of sin and that we are all in process of redemption (the process of restoration to the way God designed things to be). We are powerless in redeeming ourselves. We need God and others.

The second part, “The Master Gardener: The God of Growth,” discusses the three parts of God (Father, Son, & Holy Spirit) and how each plays a very different but necessary role in the growth process. The first points to God being a God of grace and how that grace is essential for redemption. It then talks about Jesus being the example for living, as He walked in our shoes, experienced all our trials, temptations, and suffering, and still lived perfectly! And finally, they discuss the role of the Holy Spirit and how He finishes the task in us by pointing us to grace, Jesus, and acting as personal guide in our redemptive journey.

Section three, “Finding the Best Climate,” focuses on our need for people. We can’t grow alone, and God didn’t even intend for us to do it with just Him. He uses people. The authors talk about the roles of the Body of Christ (the church) and our need for acceptance, forgiveness, and warmth from others in order to set the climate for growth.

The fourth and final part of the book, “The Path of Growth,” discusses the many different tools and topics that are important to the growth process and how we need them and how we need to help others understand them. These topics include the Bible, grief and suffering, righteousness, discipline, spiritual poverty, obedience, sin and temptation, truth and reality, the importance of activity, and time.

Coming from a man who hungers and thirsts for spiritual growth personally, and as a therapist who greatly desires to help others in their redemptive journey, How People Grow is easily one of my most recommended books! With an emphasis on the great doctrines and themes of Christianity, How People Grow reveals how all growth is spiritual growth, and how people can grow in ways they never imagined!

Book Review By: Michael Cross, MA, LPC, is a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Let’s Talk Depression and Suicide- A Continuance (Republished)

Tue, 07 May 2019 00:00:00 GMT

As many in our community are aware, there have been a number of suicides in recent weeks, both teens and adults. Our staff offers our deepest condolences to family and friends of these precious people. In light of these losses, we would like to re-post this article by two of our staff members, that we sent out in 2018.

If you, a friend or a family member is dealing with suicidal thoughts in any way, please feel free to reach out to one of our staff for help. Our office phone is (405)246-5433. In immediate crisis situations, please remember to call 911 or go to the nearest ER.

Transforming Life Counseling Center

By Jenna Richardson, MS, LPC and Brandon Schmidt, MA, LMFT-S, PCIT

Many people struggle with the thoughts, “how would I know someone might be suicidal or depressed”, “how do you help someone in that situation”, “what are some ways to support them”. We all struggle with self-doubt that if the situation were to arise, would we know what to do or look for? Here is a brief list of things to look for when questioning if someone is depressed or suicidal:

Changes in eating habits : They may be eating more or less than normal. Appetites change when a person is battling depression. You might hear someone say that they just have no appetite or that they have to force themselves to eat. You might also hear someone say that they cannot stop eating because it often brings them comfort.
Changes in sleeping patterns: They may be sleeping too little or sleeping a lot. Most people who experience depression will state that it is very hard for them to get out of bed. Their motivation seems to take a plunge when depression enters the picture. This is a hard cycle to break because the more a person experiences a lack of motivation, the less they want to do, which in turn causes more depression, then a deeper lack of motivation, etc. This is called a cycle of depression. It is hard to break but crucial for recovery.
Changes in energy and motivation : If you notice someone who regularly works out (i.e. athlete, someone into physical health) start to be irregular with their workout routine, this could be a sign of depression. This goes back to the fact that depression increases a lack of motivation. If a person is struggling with depression, they are not going to “feel up” to working out or other things they may normally do.
Withdrawal from relationships: People struggling with depression with often times isolate themselves from those they consider to be closest to them. They will begin to feel like they have no energy to pour into a relationship. Those struggling may also feel like their depression is toon heavy of a burden for those closest to them and will want to protect them from their thoughts.
Loss of interest in special activities: Those who are battling depression will often lose interest in activities such as sports, music, writing, school, etc. They will often report that the things that used to make them happy simply don’t anymore. They also might turn from their positive coping skills and either replace them with negative coping skills or a lack of coping skills. This often ties into the lack of motivation and depression cycle talked about earlier.

If you notice a difference in any of these things, it may be time to talk to the person about what is going on and encourage them to seek additional support through a local mental health professional. Yet, even though those dark moments may come, it is important to remind ourselves, and our loved ones, that no matter how dark those moments may get, they are just that, moments. Thus, to help during these dark moments, it is important to prepare during our times of strength.

We face an enemy that hates us and wants nothing more than to disease our lives and relationships with lies. These lies give way to depression and anxiety, they may give way to addiction and abuse, and they may give way to thoughts that say suicide is the only option. In order to defeat these lies, we must replace them with the truth and during times of strength (those times we feel on top of our emotions and we are able to keep depression and those dark thoughts at bay), it is imperative that we fill our hearts and minds with the greatest and everlasting truth of Jesus Christ on a daily basis.

In an article by Lauren Faith, she gives a Christian response to the Netflix series, "13 Reasons Why", with an article titled, "13 Reasons Why Not." In this article, she provides thirteen reasons why a person should not follow through with suicide. Here are those reasons:

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalms 139:14)
You are WORTHY.
You are made in HIS IMAGE.
Your body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Your body is NOT YOUR OWN. It belongs to Jesus.
You are MORE; More than the lies, whispers, rumors, and loneliness.
Death has already BEEN DEFEATED; whatever you are fighting, Jesus already died for it.
YOU HAVE A PURPOSE.
Ultimately, you aren’t in control, GOD IS.
Our God is BIGGER.
You can’t give victory to the enemy. Those lies you hear, are solely of the enemy. Don’t let him win.
You aren’t alone.
God’s plans for you are PROSPEROUS. It's not cliché, it’s the truth. (Jeremiah 29:11)

If you are considering self-harm or suicide, or are a victim of any of the issues mentioned, I assure you, you aren’t alone and getting help is crucial. You are worth so much more than the lies. Your life is precious." (1)

Jenna is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Brandon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an Approved Supervisor in the State of Oklahoma. He is also a Certified Parent-Child Interaction Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

(1) Faith, Lauren. Thirteen Reasons Why Not . https://www.laurenfaithm.com/home/2017/4/18/13-reasons-why-not . April 18, 2017.

Getting Right Side Up

Mon, 18 Mar 2019 15:18:15 GMT

by, Kevin Tutty, LPC

Have you ever been upside down in a car? Not like your car rolled while you were still in it, but owing more on your car than the car is worth. This is known as negative equity and can even lead to negative amortization in which you owe more and more because the interest keeps increasing while your car’s value keeps decreasing.

These concepts can help illustrate how parenting styles without consistency can lead to more and more problems. I heard recently that not having consistency with your children is like having negative equity in parenting. This is because your child/teen needs to know that the same result will happen every time they do something, whether it is a good choice or a bad choice. Every time the result from the same behavior is different, they learn that either they can’t rely on you in that situation or they can manipulate a given situation to get a desired result.

A common way this scenario happens is when parents divorce or separate and the parents have different parenting styles. If one parent is inconsistent in how they enforce rules, the child is often able to manipulate the situation, and learns to avoid receiving negative consequences for negative behavior (or rewards for positive behavior). This inconsistency can lead to anxiety, since the child does not know what to expect from a given situation. The child often enjoys not having consequences for their actions, but they also like to be rewarded for good behavior!

When kids are not held to consequences for their actions, they are learning that they can get positive results from negative behavior. After years of inconsistency, it becomes very difficult for the child/teen to learn that they negative behavior leads to negative consequences. The bigger problem is that the child mistakenly believes that they will not have consequences for their actions in school and later in life.

One of my favorite quotes by James Dobson, a Christian child psychologist is that children are done no favors by not experiencing consequences for their actions. We all have rules in life we have to follow. We have to follow rules at work as well as following the law. Not understanding that actions have consequences result in a snowball effect, leading to more and more problems. While our kids don’t have to know about negative equity, they still already understand consistency. How many times do we hear “That’s not fair!” when siblings are playing? We all understand that the same rules should apply to everyone, especially when others aren’t experiencing the same consequences we are!

As a side note, grace should be given in certain circumstances. Rewards can be earned back for good behavior, and one “slip up” once in a while can be overlooked. Second chances can be given, but it shouldn’t be the rule, as negativity equity can becomes increasingly difficult where parenting is concerned.

The Pathway to Recovery: What Jesus Has to Say About It.

Sun, 17 Mar 2019 00:00:00 GMT

by, Steve Ellsworth, MA, LADC/MH Candidate

After spending over a year of weekends in the detox unit of the Addiction Recovery Center, it became clear both Christians and non-Christians were struggling with addiction. Unless they had relapsed, many did not know what recovery looked like. Most assumed that recovery was life as it was before only without using their drug of choice. Some thought recovery was switching from their drug of choice to alcohol since they didn’t have a drinking problem. One individual gave up alcohol only to become addicted to heroin because he didn’t have a problem with it. Clearly, some direction was needed.

If there was a common denominator, it was the people there felt somewhere to the left of unworthy. They were living in the Darkness and couldn’t find their way out. Shining the Light into the Darkness only blinded them, and they retreated further into the darkness. A softer Light was needed to light the way. The “Red Letter Words” turned out to be the answer.

“Enter ye at the strait gate for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leadeth to destruction and many go there. Because strait is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth to life, few find it.” Broadway Extension was often used as an analogy to the “Broad way.” Broadway Extension has many exit ramps that lead to destruction: Drug dealers, liquor stores, toxic relationships, new cars, fast boats, good jobs, a big house and the all the trappings the world has to offer. Many of the exit ramps lead to Darkness; some exits were just more socially acceptable than others. After considering this illustration, many people in the Addiction Recovery Center became willing to peek out of the darkness.

“Go find the Lost Sheep.” But, “I can’t; I’m a lost sheep; I need someone to come find me.” Over the course of the weekend, many identified they now faced a choice; continue to live on the broad way that leads to destruction or find the strait gate and the narrow path that leads to life. They knew they had to choose. “I’m still willing to continue. I’m tired of being a lost sheep living in the Darkness on the Broad way to destruction. What’s next?”

“Take nothing on your journey. No scrip, neither two coats, neither shoes. The workman is worthy of his meat.” Scary. But there’s that word again: “Worthy.” It is the one word that turns addiction into life. ‘Worthy’ is not a gradational feeling; it’s a state of being. You either feel worthy or you don’t. If you want recovery, one way is to follow the red words and find the strait gate and the narrow path to life. “Are you willing to continue to search for the strait gate and the narrow path to life or do you want to find a way to make the broad way to destruction more pleasant?” It’s my mission to help you find the strait gate and the narrow path that leads to life. There are other options that can help you make the broad way that leads to destruction more pleasant. But, in the end, the “broad way” still leads to destruction.

“Go to another city or town and inquire who in it is worthy. And if that house be worthy, let your peace come upon it. If not, then let your peace return to you. Leave the unworthy house, shake the dust off you feet and flee.” The recovery analogy here is the strait gate that leads to life is a worthy treatment facility. You are going there to find peace and the narrow path that leads to life. “Are you still willing to search for it?”

Step three of the twelve steps states: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Sunday afternoons at the ARC was the time to make that decision. It is the decision that we all have to make if we want to go through the strait gate. Most thought there was no other way to go through the strait gate and start down the narrow path that leads to life. The decision of whether or not to go to rehab, changed: People were now moving from simply making a decision to quit using, to making a decision to find the narrow path that leads to life. They were seeking healing, not just abstinence. “Because strait is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth to life, few find it.”

Make that decision. Call Transforming Life today and begin the journey to being worthy, finding the strait gate and moving down the narrow path that leads to life.

Married to a Unicorn

Sun, 17 Mar 2019 00:00:00 GMT

by, Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

Wounds: We’ve all got them. Some people carry deeper wounds than others, but they are there. As a marriage therapist, one thing I’ve noticed over the years is that people who come in and say things like, “Our family was healthy growing up. My parents never fought and there really wasn’t any dysfunction.” These are often the most difficult because, like a unicorn, they could possibly exist, but aren’t common. Additionally, if you come from a Unicorn family, the likelihood of marrying another Unicorn, is pretty rare.

Multicultural counseling. That’s how I see marriage counseling. No two families are exactly alike, and no two people are alike: We have different personalities, different histories, different traumas, different birth order, different ways of expressing love and anger, different ways of working through conflict. The list goes on and on. As a therapist, one of my favorite things to do is understand each person’s unique story. Each story is personal and shapes how we see ourselves, our marriage, our lives, our connection to others, to our God, and to our past, present, and future.

For years, I’ve heard people actually mock the role that their childhood played in their current situations. Often, they will say things like, “Well, that was then. I want to deal with what’s going on right now.” It is EXACTLY our early history that creates the blueprint or default system that we each have in terms of understanding our value as a person, our roles in life, and our relationship-ability. Those early years teach us how to work through the hard times in life, how to show love, how to take care of ourselves and others, as well as how to relate to God. Likewise, it can also teach us how to distrust God and others. This default system is a system of neuropathways formed in the early years of learning repeated patterns of relating.

When we are in pain, or are hurting, lonely, or under stress, our default system can kick on, triggering some not so productive reactions. In these situations, we react out of pain, not objectivity. To further complicate things, in marriage, when we hurt our spouse, triggering our spouse’s default system to kick on. When our spouse is wounded their default system kicks on, and so the cycle of wounds, pain and reactions continues. These default systems can be retrained. We can learn new ways of being and find new ways to see ourselves and our spouse. I believe this is what the Bible talks about in Romans 12:2 about the “Renewing of the mind.”

In marriage, no matter how deeply blessed we are, we manage to hurt each other deeply. I believe it is due to several things: One is we have allowed the other to become so close to us that they are most likely to hit us in our most vulnerable spots. Another, is that we let our guards down when we allow others to become close to us. They see the whole of who we are. This is all a very important part of intimacy, but it is risky. Once we begin the negative cycle of hurting each other, we then begin to affirm some of our deepest wounds and fears, including, “I can’t be vulnerable with you,” or if I let people in too close they might let me down,” or “what if they reject me, or abandon me?” Here, the deep pain from past wounds becomes reactivated, and we can retreat into isolation, angry defenses, or even addictions or affairs. There are so many available options out there to hide our hurting hearts.

When we don’t address this negative cycle of wounds, we repeat past behaviors. I like to retreat and bury myself in “work.” Someone else might find their escape in sports, or overcommitment. The more we retreat, the less we address. Problems might even seem to dissipate. But, so does intimacy and connection. We then find that we can actually play on the same team, even communicate about certain aspects of being on that team, but at the end of the day we pack up our things and go home to our own personal form of retreat: Away from problems, but also, away from intimacy. This quieter cycle, the one of avoidance, actually can be the most deceptive of all. Because it can look good on the surface, but hide a hollow pain, that protects itself from healing and true intimacy.

Here is a scenario I often see: A wife who feels overwhelmed and lashes out at her husband making him feel insignificant and like he can’t do anything right. He then withdraws because he feels attacked and doesn’t like conflict. This leaves the wife to feel more alone and overwhelmed: Not important. All of this triggers old wounds for each of them. When we dig a little deeper we find that was the oldest child in a very large family and both parents worked. Leaving her alone, unequipped and overwhelmed. Sound familiar? His parents chronically fought and were very critical. He hates conflict because he never saw it done productively and learned to emotionally retreat. If we leave this alone and retreat to our corners we are left feeling like all of those old wounds are now further justified. Case in point: Our marriage is now proof that those old, false truths we believed about relationships and about ourselves are now true.

Let’s do a rewrite: Although marriage may be the arena that activates old wounds, the fact that we can trigger each other’s deepest wounds can provide an OPPORTUNITY for healing and repair of old wounds. So, here is the “how” behind the healing opportunities we have in marriage: The very fact that my spouse is so close to me and that I am so close to him has provided the perfect opportunity to shine a bright spotlight on the wounds I have brought into my own marriage. Because of that spotlight, marriage now provides the perfect arena for us to work together as well develop awareness, empathy and even healing for these wounds, that often go back well before the day we said, “I do.” I actually believe it is in the unpacking and deeper understanding of ourselves and our spouse that can provide this healing, which is an experiential form of healing. Perhaps this is why God hates divorce. Because divorce often reaffirms and solidifies the wounds from the past. It even provides an opportunity for greater pain.

This can only occur in a relationship that is safe from physical and emotional harm, though. Please hear me on this: When safety is in question, you must find help and healing. If your marriage is not safe and your partner is completely unwilling to work on these things, separation, even in the form of divorce may be the better option. Seeking professional help and talking to a trusted friend or even the authorities, is extremely important in these situations.

Ok, so back to multicultural counseling and unicorns. Each person is different, as is each marriage. It is in the deeper understanding of these unique differences that we come to know and appreciate ourselves and our spouses more deeply. Sometimes it takes hitting a difficult place in our marriage that people seek awareness and healing and, what we often find is that we begin to fall in love again, because at this new deeper level it is fresh and green. And, this can happen regardless of the mess people bring in. And believe me, sometimes the bigger mess provides an opportunity for even greater healing. When I became a counselor - I never dreamed I would fall in love with marriage counseling. I hate drama. I even avoid conflict a little. But, it is amazing to see what two willing people, submitting to the greater good, can do.

As a believer in Christ, I firmly believe that marriage is one of the greatest opportunities for us to learn to be more like Jesus. As He approached His death, carrying the Cross up that hill, scorned by multitudes, abandoned by those He loved, He carried the burden of the Cross to His death. For us. He did nothing wrong. 2,000 years later, I live and grow from His sacrificial love for me. So, if my husband hurts me, I will gladly carry the Cross for him. Because in marriage, learning to sacrificially love, and step over my woundedness to love him, forgive him for things he’s done, is an honor. He has done the same thing for me. And, let me tell you, no matter how much I know in my counseling office, I lose all objectivity when I come home. I’ve said things that have cut to the core, and he still offers to sacrificially love me and forgive me. And, my husband carries the Cross for me - for what I have done to personally hurt him. We continue to learn to do that for each other. And, because I know my husband has loved and forgiven me, I want to be a better wife. And, because Jesus has loved and forgiven me, it makes me want to be a better a follower of Christ.

Holiday Wishes from TLCC

Wed, 26 Dec 2018 16:32:01 GMT

TLCC’s Staff Therapists are wishing you and all those dear, a very Merry Christmas and the warmest of Holidays. Praying for a truly blessed 2019.

TLCC Staff Therapists

Luke 2:1-20

Hope for your family

Fri, 02 Nov 2018 16:13:38 GMT

An Intensive Family Program: The Stages of Recovery

Are you overwhelmed by the chaos addiction is creating in your family? Do you feel powerless to stop the downward spiral? Are your current options for help just not enough? If you answered ‘Yes’ to one or more of the above, then please call now to see if this new 4 week, intensive course is right for you!

Week one: Stage one recovery: Transforming chaos into action.

“Nothing changes; nothing changes. Something needs to change!”

Strategies for getting your loved one to seek help.
What help do they need?
Building your recovery team.

Week two: Stage two recovery: Understanding why this is happening.

“I don’t know what to do!”

Understanding the relationship between adverse childhood experiences, psychiatric conditions, behaviors and addiction.
How to transform your relationship with your loved one, yourself and God.

Week three: Stage three recovery: Your loved one in recovery.

“My loved one is cured!!!! Life can get back to normal!”

Learn new strategies for reducing the possibility of relapse.
How to effectively manage relapse if it does happen.

Week four:Stage four recovery: Your family in recovery.

“This is not what I expected. What should I expect?

Sustaining recovery: How to use the 12 steps to transform your family into what God intended for it to be.
The Pathway to Recovery.

Cost: $500/month*

Location: Transforming Life Counseling Center conference room.

Time: 6:00-8:30 PM Monday and Thursday nights beginning October 29.

To schedule an intake session or for additional information please contact:

Steven Ellsworth, MA, LADC/MH Candidate

16301 Sonoma Park Dr. Edmond, OK 73013

405-517-7243

stevenellsworth2809@gmail.com

Collateral Damage? Collateral Recovery.

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Fri, 02 Nov 2018 16:12:13 GMT

By Diane Holland, LPC

Imagine yourself on I-35 driving south to Dallas and suddenly the car in front of you stops. What happens next is a blur but when you wake up all you see is flashing lights, crashed cars and people screaming. What you become very aware of at that exact moment is that you were not the cause of the crash, but you were impacted: I call that collateral damage. As 911 is called and medical personnel show up, you notice that the only one that gets attention or treatment is the car that caused the collision. No other person is treated or assessed for bodily harm and you are left at the scene without anyone noticing. To take it a step further, you are only concerned with the other people in the collision, particularly the one that caused the wreck and do not pay attention to the fact that you are injured too, I like to call this codependency. The differences between the description above and your family relationships is that unlike the car that suddenly stopped, unhealthy relationships are created over time and, only when the crisis occurs do you realize that something has to be done.

You may be asking yourself how does such an unhealthy dependency occur? If you grew up in a family where addiction took place or are living with it now, the collateral damage that happens effects everyone in the immediate family and most of the time extends to friends and extended family, employers, and anyone connected to the family member. When one person takes responsibility for someone else’s actions an unhealthy alliance occurs, the addicted person becomes dependent on the stable family member and the codependency begins.

Growing up with unreliable or unstable parents means taking on the role of caretaker and/or enabler. A child in this situation puts the parent’s needs first. Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge the problem exist. As a result, its members repress emotions such as sadness, anger, rage, fear and disregard their own needs to focus on the needs of the unavailable parent.

As time goes on enablers are rewarded by society for taking care of the needs of others, reinforcing that, this behavior is normal and healthy. It is not until a crisis transpires within their immediate family that the enabler realizes something is wrong.

Most of the time the codependent family will seek help for the family member in trouble, whether it be as a result of alcohol, drugs, legal issues or school problems. Targeted family members maybe angry and resentful that they are being blamed for their family’s issues and that everyone is pointing the finger at them and, neglecting the pain and anger that they too are experiencing. Just like the scenario mentioned in the 1st paragraph, everyone is there to help but only one person is being treated.

The best thing about the collateral damage caused by the codependent family, there is also collateral recovery. Each crisis gives all family members the opportunity to seek recovery. Neglecting your own issues and pain to help someone else does not solve the family problems nor does it help the targeted person trying to recover from their own issues.

If you are wondering if any of this applies to you, ask yourself the following questions:

Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy the people you love?
Do you have difficulty saying no?
Do you cover up and make excuses for the person you are enabling”?
Do you constantly worry about what others think of you?
Do you feel trapped in your relationships and feel victimized by their behavior?
Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
Do you spend most of your time worrying that something bad is going to happen to the family member you are overly concerned about?

If you find yourself answering yes to many of these questions, you do not have to suffer alone. You do not have to wait until your loved one seeks help, you can take care of your needs before the crisis happens. You will find that it only takes one person in the family unit to change and the entire family is forced to change, and even though you are not the identified problem, you could be part of the identified solution.

Diane Holland, LMFT is a Licensed Practical Therapist in the State of Oklahoma and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Peer Pressure: Parents, Here is What You Didn’t Know...

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Fri, 02 Nov 2018 16:10:51 GMT

By Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

When our children are little, we are the most powerful influence in their lives.As our children grow, however, we begin to watch our level of influence decrease.As kids enter school, their peers gain in influence over them.As they begin to move into the world, socially, academically, and hobbies and sports, it is completely natural for them to grow in independence and learn how to be successful in this world.What dictates “success” for a child or a teenager doesn’t always involve the best decision-making, though.

Moving into the teen years, we, as parents begin to take a “back seat” in influence.It is a hard truth that I have heard over and over.I’ve learned this professionally and have watched it play out in the lives of my own four kids.We pray we’ve taught them well and that they make good decisions.But, there are real pressures out there.Let’s take a look at what this all means.

So often we think of peer pressure as a bad thing.Every one of us knows someone who came from a good family, someone who had everything going for them, but then the got in with the “wrong crowd.”Peer pressure isn’t always negative, however; and, seeing it as a negative force is fear-based, potentially assuming that we or our child may in some way be powerless to it’s effects.

Here are some basics about peer pressure:

Peer pressure can be negative, but it can also be positive.

The powerful effects of positive peer pressure are part of what brings us to church, or to join a club or a sports team.

Peer pressure, like influence, can be powerful, but it also subtle.

Subtleties like time spent with someone, or observing choices another makes can be very powerful.Think about the importance of relationship:If you know another person cares for you and can relate to you, that’s effective and subtle.

Peer pressure is more effective if we are isolated.

This is true with positive peer pressure and negative peer pressure.Think about the first story of negative peer pressure: Adam and Eve.Making friends with the snake wasn’t going to lead Eve in a good direction.Isolation didn’t help either.NOTE TO SELF: If I am making a decision that I don’t want to discuss with those that care about me most, my warning signals need to be going off.

We are social beings, with the power to influence and be influenced.This is precisely why we hear things like, “Show me your friends and I will show you your future,” or “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with...”

As a parent here some important thoughts on peer pressure:

Teach kids to know themselves and their goals.Help them to see how decisions they make and people they hang out with will interfere with their goals.This is important. They most likely will be more motivated to reach their own goals than they will be to reach yours.
Be willing to have the difficult conversations with your kids.These conversations will be had by your kids:Make sure it’s you that does it first.It will make it easier for them to come to you when they need it most.
Teach your kids know how to identify their influence and leverage it for good.Remember, influence or peer pressure can be direct or subtle.Your teen can lead directly by starting or joining a group at school.Or they can lead more subtly, by how the choices they make and how they treat others.
Equip your kids to lead and influence for good.Multiple studies and programs have taken place in schools across our country equipping and empower teens to teaching teens how to positively mentor, lead and influence their peers.These are things we can also teach at home. Check out these two TedTalks: Risa Berrin Hijacking the High School Peer Pressure System . And, Leyla Bravo-Willey’s Positive Peer Pressure in Schools . These programs teach students positive social and emotional skills, leadership, how to have difficult conversations, teaching compassion, SMART goals, healthy choices and wise decision-making.
Here is a great challenge: “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” Romans 12:9-13
Who you surround yourself with matters.Enough said.

**This article can also be viewed on the finds.life.church website.

Michelle Garrett, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the State of Oklahoma and, also a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

New Staff Member

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Fri, 02 Nov 2018 16:01:20 GMT

Steven Ellsworth, M.A., LADC/MH Candidate

Steve holds a Master's degree in Substance Abuse Counseling from the University of Central Oklahoma and has completed the educational requirements for the LADC/MH license. He is currently an LADC candidate under supervision. Previously, Steve was employed at the Addiction Recovery Center (ARC) as an Integrated Counseling Specialist working as the sole weekend counselor in the detox unit where he gained valuable first hand experience in crisis interventions as well as mental illness and trauma assessments. At the ARC, Steve helped hundreds of individuals understand their recovery options and walked with them and their family members through the difficult first days of sobriety.

Steve completed his inpatient internship at the 12&12 Addiction Recovery Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma, his outpatient internship at A Chance to Change, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma and volunteered as a mentor at Hope is Alive during its formative early years. He was a volunteer for eight years with Feeding the Broken Hearted Ministries, a outreach program focused on the unsheltered homeless of Oklahoma City. He has also volunteered at Rivus Wellness and Research Institute as a medically assisted recovery therapist and is an Al Anon crisis line volunteer.

Depending on the results of the individual assessments, Steve uses a variety of therapeutic approaches is to work with the entire family system. Often, the family members want help answering the questions: “Why did this happen?” and “How can we keep this from happening again?” No one sets out to become addicted and Steve considers it his mission to help families recover and heal the relationships addiction has broken with themselves, God and each other.

Steve and his wife Leslie have been married 30 years and have one son, one daughter and one granddaughter. Leslie is an Oklahoma native and she and Steve have lived in Oklahoma since 1996.

Group Therapy

Fri, 02 Nov 2018 15:58:05 GMT

Men's Addiction Recovery Group , meets Tuesdays at 7:30 PM;
Led by Kyle McGraw, LPC, LADC (405) 761-1740. Intake session required prior to starting. Fee $40 weekly.
Men's Sexual Health and Recovery Group , meets Thursdays at 7:20 AM;
Led by Kyle McGraw, LPC, LADC (405) 761-1740. Intake session required prior to starting. Fee $40 weekly.
Women's Codependency Recovery Group , meets Wednesdays at 6:30 PM
Led by Diane Holland, LPC (405) 255-9574. Intake session required prior to starting. Fee $40 weekly.
Men's Addiction and Codependency Recovery Group , meets Thursdays at 4:30 PM to 6:00 PM via Zoom
Led by Diane Holland, LPC, call (405) 255-9574. Intake session required prior to starting. Fee $40 weekly.
Maintaining Connection - along with Project 31-Couples Breast Cancer Support Group , meets Mondays at 6:30 PM.
Led by Tiffany Fuller, LMFT, call or text for more info at (405) 919-7124.
Codependency Group for Women , meets Thursdays from 10:30 am to 11:45 am.
Led by Pam Forducey, Ph.D. ABRP. Call (405) 550-3482. Fee $40 weekly.

Feel free to call or text. Based upon need and interest, other groups may start soon. Please let us know what you are looking for and we will help you find one that may fit for you. (405) 761-1740

BACK TO SCHOOL ANXIETY

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Tue, 18 Sep 2018 14:05:49 GMT

By: Michael Cross, Licensed Professional Counselor

Back to school is upon us once again and it can be both an exciting time for some students and a period of high anxiety for others. We obviously love to see our students be ready and motivated for school because Lord knows we, as parents, have been waiting all summer for this time! But what about the students who are dreading the school year? How do we know what our child is feeling? Are they just “nervous” because of excitement or are they experiencing “anxiety” because of fear (they both can look the same outwardly)? Is there an easy way to identify which students are more at risk to experience back to school anxiety and how do we approach it? This article will address these questions

“Is my child potentially at risk for back to school anxiety?”

There are 5 major areas that could be immediate red flags to identifying potential anxiety for students:

1. New School
If your child is entering a new school, whether it is due to a recent move (new town or school district) or transitioning to the next level (elementary, middle, high school, or even college), then it’s a high probability they are experiencing anxiety. The awkwardness of being in a new building surrounded by unfamiliar faces (teachers and other students) is enough to make anyone feel uncomfortable and out of place. And don’t forget, the pressure of making new friends is also a major concern, especially at the middle and high school levels.

2. Introverted Personality
Does your student have an introverted personality? Schools tend to be extroverted cultures, and teenagers are often hesitant to share intimate or much personal information with peers due to the fear of rejection and social acceptance. Extroverts have strengths in meeting new people and small-talking but they a difficult time making intimate friendships (they typically do better in school settings). Introverts, however, have strength in building more interpersonal relationships but only after trust is established, which is where their weaknesses play a major factor in preventing it (i.e. small-talking & meeting new people).

Extroverts “recharge” by interacting with others (groups of people), whereas, introverts “recharge” in their alone time. This explains why most extroverts get excited for school after being isolated from people during the summer and why introverts, who have had plenty of alone time during the summer, get anxious at the thought of being around groups of people again.

3. Previous Bullying
If your student has been bullied in past school years, then they are at risk for high anxiety entering the new year. The fear of seeing students who have physically, verbally, or emotionally bullied them in the past creates an extreme fear of the unknown when it comes to their safety or self-esteem. These students appear to dramatically be more upbeat and positive during the summer months strongly due to the physical separation from bullies.

4. Unrealistic Expectations
A child’s unrealistic expectations of the upcoming school year can create anxiety shortly after the year begins. What kinds of “unrealistic expectations” you may ask? These may include, but are not limited to, “who my friends will be,” “what the difficulty of school work will be,” “what my social status will be.” These expectations are especially a concern for students moving to a higher level. These students are coming off of a year where they were, for lack of a better word, “kings of the school” and entering to a new level where they will be at the “bottom of totem pole.” Not to mention, children’s personal interests and desire for social status can dramatically change at each new level meaning that their choice of friends may also change depending, leaving some students feeling rejected and unwanted by their peers.

5. Major Adjustments Over Summer
Lastly, major adjustments experienced or made over the summer months can create high anxiety in a child entering a new school year. Things like moving homes, parents getting divorced, grieving a loss, parents losing a job or starting a new job, financial setbacks, or even broken relationships (romantic or friendship) can all affect a child’s feeling of security and confidence. They dread seeing friends again and most times don’t know how to explain major changes in life and would just prefer to isolate.

“How can I be aware if my child is experiencing any of these and how do I approach helping them cope with their anxiety?”

Here are three key approaches to helping your child deal with back to school anxiety:

1. Parental Involvement
First and foremost is parental involvement in your student’s life. Talk to them, be curious and ask questions about their relationships, friends, school work, feelings, and personal struggles. Do this without attaching judgement or punishment if you hear something you don’t want to or even necessarily believe. Be open-minded and give them the benefit of the doubt (remember they are learning how to deal with life and don’t have all the proper tools yet).

2. Counseling / Mentoring
This leads us to the next point of getting them the help they need it. A counselor, life coach, or mentor of some kind can help equip your student with the social, coping, or study skills needed to succeed in school.

3. Routine / Structure
Finally, get them into routine quickly. Humans work better on routines and structure because it requires less energy to “remember,” “stay organized,” or “not forget” things. Once structure is set, they can now put that extra energy into their school work, extracurricular activities, passions, and social lives. Sleep (schedule) is also a major factor in preventing both depression and anxiety on a chemical level, so be consistent.

Back to school anxiety is extremely common and although you may be ready and excited for school starting up again, your student might not be. Look for red flags (paying attention to the 5 key areas talked about) and keep involved in your student’s life. You can never be “too curious” about your child’s school and social experience, you might even be surprised at how much they want to share with you but feel like you wouldn’t care or are uninterested. And lastly, make sure they’re equipped with healthy tools and support.

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy Competency Training Program

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Tue, 18 Sep 2018 14:00:27 GMT

By Brandon Schmidt, LMFT

Transforming Life Counseling Center continues its efforts to train clinical members and to expand our clinical knowledge. As Proverbs 27: 17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Therapists from TLCC come together on a weekly basis to fulfill this truth from Scripture. We build relationships with one another, we train together, we share resources, consult with one another, and actively look for ways to grow our competencies to better serve our community.

One of the ways that we seek to strengthen our skills as therapists is through our Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) Competency Training Program. PCIT is a short-term, specialized behavior management program designed for young children and their families experiencing behavioral and/or emotional difficulties. PCIT works with the child and caregivers to improve overall behavior and to reduce parenting stress. For more information on PCIT, please read our blog “Effective Therapy with Children: Parent-Child Interaction Therapy” that can be found on our website or by clicking the link: http://www.tlccok.com/blog/effective-therapy-with-children-parent-child-interaction-therapy

We are excited to extend the PCIT Competency Training Program to area therapists. This training is a 15-hour program designed to give therapists knowledge and competency in using this very effective treatment with children to help expand their practice and therapeutic skills. PCIT is an evidence-based treatment that is proven effective with children ranging from age 2yrs to 8yrs old. The training includes 15-hrs of CEUs approved by the Oklahoma Board of Behavioral Health for LPC and LMFT licensures and will consist of in-office seminars, live skills training, and following the conclusion of the training program, therapists will have the chance for further supervision through phone consultations. The cost of the training includes the PCIT Protocol Manual, reference resources, training materials, live experiences with clients, ongoing supervision, and a light breakfast with coffee is always provided.

To register or for additional questions please email Brandon Schmidt at bschmidt@tlccok.com or call 405-426-0998. We hope to take advantage of this exciting opportunity!

Author: Brandon Schmidt, LMFT. Brandon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Oklahoma Approved MFT Supervisor. Brandon is also a trained Parent-Child Interaction Therapist, an Approved PCIT WATer Trainer, and a clinical member of Transforming Life Counseling Center.

The Power of Group Therapy

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:37:27 GMT

by Kyle McGraw, LPC, LADC

Participating with a group of strangers may sound intimidating at first however group therapy provides benefits that individual therapy may not. Under the supervision of a licensed therapist, two or more clients may participate in sharing life issues, obstacles or difficulties they are attempting to overcome. Common goals often emerge in the process of sharing among others in the group. Group therapy is designed to augment your individual therapy and in some cases may help "jump start" your therapy process or help you work through areas in which you might feel stuck.

You Are not Alone . . .
As a facilitator of group therapy, I have witnessed how powerful it is when men and women hold each other accountable within the group. Discussions that take place when a new strategy or idea emerges can be life changing. Group members are often surprised by how rewarding the group experience can be. Members begin to connect and feel supported as they work to overcome addiction, co-dependency, depression, anxiety and other mental health challenges. As people begin to open up and trust the group process, many are relieved when they realize “they are not alone,” in dealing with the issues that brought them into therapy.

Variety and Diversity . . .
People have different personalities, family cultures, backgrounds, and perspectives. As they observe other group members tackling problems and making positive changes, they discover a whole range of strategies for facing their own concerns.

Group Therapy is More than Support . . .
I've often heard the words, “I don't need group therapy, I go to AA, support groups or other "12 Step" meetings. While these self-help groups provide benefits, group therapy is led by a trained, licensed clinician who teaches, proven strategies for managing specific problems. Group therapy promotes feedback and suggestions from it’s members. 12-Step meetings do not allow "cross talk" from their members and they are led by a chairman, who is a lay member, (not a licensed or trained professional). Both self-help groups and group therapy are powerful vehicles for healing and change, and they each have their respective roles in helping individuals recover.

And, we don’t have to look far to find Biblical wisdom further illustrating the power of group process:

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another . . ." Hebrews 10:24,25

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing."
I Thessalonians 5:11

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man/women sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17

JOIN A GROUP AT TLCC . . .

Welcoming Kay Gackle to TLCC’s team of counselors...

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:36:42 GMT

Kay Gackle is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist both in the state of Oklahoma and Florida. She has additional training in EMDR for trauma work, Gottman method for marriages and SYMBIS for premarital counseling. She has worked on staff at a church as well as counseling centers.

Kay has a passion to see people find freedom and get healing from past trauma. Her focus has been specifically on helping individuals who have experienced sexual abuse, PTSD, anxiety, depression and grief. Her passions also include helping parents by partnering and equipping them with learning tools that can help them effectively raise their children. Prior to moving to Oklahoma, she has spoken at churches on topics such as parenting, bullying, marriage and also related scriptural teachings.

Kay’s heart also beats for our global community traveling to more than 7 countries to partner with various missionaries and organizations. She has helped orphans in Africa process trauma through EMDR, set up two rescue homes in Nicaragua and continues the relationships and conversations to help whenever possible.

Kay has been happily married for 16 years and has two children, ages 13 and 5. Her husband, Greg, is a pastor and works at Life.Church.

Finding Drug and Alcohol Treatment for a Loved One Can be Difficult.

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:34:18 GMT

By Kyle McGraw, LPC, LADC

There are many vital aspects of successful substance abuse recovery. TLCC provides outpatient therapy for addicts and their family members, but it is important to determine what stage of recovery a person is at, in order to provide the right level of care.There are many important aspects to consider in making the best decision for care and our therapists are able to help you navigate these waters, to ensure a greater possibility for successful recovery. The following are some important considerations in selecting the right level of care and the right facilities.

1. Assessment by a trained professional. We first start with an assessment with a licensed drug and alcohol counselor trained to decide what level of care is needed to treat your loved one. Not all clients are suited for outpatient therapy because their addiction and/or mental health may not be stable enough to follow a treatment plan in an outpatient setting.Many who are addicted require inpatient treatment to provide both medical detox and a therapeutic environment, until they can safely stay sober being in their current environment.

2. Finding a quality facility to work with the addicts’ recovery needs, medical needs and financial needs. TLCC can provide the assessment and will work with many treatment facilities based upon the clients age, gender, traumatic history and many other variables. We can help you sort through this maze. There are many great treatment centers available, but there are also some that do not meet standards of quality. And, it can be difficult to differentiate between the two. Be wary of treatment centers that spend more time listing their amenities, rather than on their clinical treatment.

Good treatment addresses mind, body, and spirit for both the individual and family. You will want a facility that can address both mental health and the substances that are being used and abused. This type of treatment is referred to as co-occurring disorder treatment. It is crucial that the facility address the symptoms of early withdrawal and detox as a part of their treatment protocol. As a person goes through detox, there are often critical medical issues that need to be addressed as the body goes through withdrawal symptoms. Often times this requires medical supervision and intervention.

3. Economics and location. There are a number of other considerations in finding the right treatment facility.Economics can play a role: Some facilities are state-funded, while others accept insurance or are strictly private pay. Geography plays a role as well. It is important to select a facility far enough away from home, that it would deter your loved one from leaving the program prematurely. It is important that the client be far enough away from the distractions of home, drug dealers and other negative influences, so that they cannot interfere.

4. Finding family and relationship support, while your loved one is in treatment. While in treatment, family members are encouraged to seek their own forms of treatment. Understanding their role in the family can be helpful to each individual.It is important to prepare family members for a "new normal," in the way communication and feelings are expressed during and after discharge from treatment. One way to think about these changes is to recognize that everyone in the family needs some level of help. Help can be in the form of counseling for individuals and family members. Support programs, such as Parents Helping Parents, Al-Anon, NAMI, Celebrate Recovery and counseling, can also help to augment the treatment process. ( see resources at www.tlccok.com )

5. Another important consideration is release forms. You will want to request that your loved one sign a release form once admitted to treatment so that you can receive updates on their progress as well as participate in any educational or family counseling that is so needed for healing to occur for your family.

Evaluating the many different aspects of care can play an important role in the success a client has in their recovery.You don’t have to do this alone. Treatment is available for your loved one and support is available for you, as well. Start the process of healing today. Call us for more help at (405) 246-LIFE.

Kyle McGraw is who is dually licensed as a drug and alcohol counselor as well as a licensed professional counselor. He is the owner of Transforming Life Counseling Center and has worked in the field of addiction and mental health for 30 years. Over the years, Kyle has worked and referred many to local and nationally known treatment centers.

The 6 Myths of Christian Sex - Part 2

Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:32:33 GMT

By Brandon Schmidt, LMFT

(Part 2 of 2 Articles on “Christian Sex”.See our blog on www.tlccok.com for Part 1 of this article, which came out in our most recent Newsletter)

The 6 Myths (Lies) About Christian Sex That Should Be Dropped From Our Vocabulary NOW!

Myth #1: Sex is DIRTY!

Do you know how most conversations on sex start?With a look, around the room at who maybe in ear shot, a hand cupped over one’s mouth, and a whisper.But what message does this send?It sends a message that what I’m about to say to you is taboo and not to be spoken about openly.Why?Because its not kosher? Maybe even dirty?! Yet, what does God say about sex and sexuality.God created sex and if God created sex, how can it be dirty?In 1 Timothy 4:1-5, Paul confronts the false teachings on marriage and food, and he urges believers to believe the truth that what God created, God deemed GOOD, and to not reject the pleasures found within but to wholeheartedly receive them with thanksgiving, “for it is made holy by the word of God and prayer.” So, therefore, Christian Sex is seen as worship in the sight of God.

If sex, in the confines of marriage, is so dirty, why is Scripture so graphic and sometimes embarrassing by its forthright sensuality of sexual love?Don’t believe me, then stand up right now and read aloud to everyone in the room, Proverbs 5:18-21.We’ll wait…Did your voice suddenly go silent when you began to read, “Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight: be intoxicated always in her love”?You see, this is why God created man and woman in this way, so your spouse’s body would be delightful to you.John Piper says it in this way, “We are not meant to revel in His creation instead of Him or more than Him but because of Him, and because there is something of Him in all that is good and beautiful.”Remember this the next time you look at your naked spouse.See them through the eyes of God and thank God for His treasures on earth.

Myth #2: Sex is for procreation and nothing else.

It is true, sex is more than an indulgence of the flesh, but it is also more than the act of procreation. Read Song of Solomon 4:5-7.This Song is more than a metaphorical symbol between Christ and the Church and we cannot neglect the physical aspects of its words.This Song is also a call to take delight in your wife’s body and a wife to delight in the body of her husband.Now read Song of Solomon 7:6-9. Have you ever caught the smile of your spouse and thought, “They are so beautiful”? Or, have you ever noticed them as they walk through the living room and said, “You are looking great today”?You see, there should be no shame in looking upon your spouse with delight in your heart and thankfulness in your soul and mutually choosing to engage in the act of sex because you desire one another.Yes, God made our spouse to be pleasing to our eyes and arouse our desires so we may be “fruitful and multiply”, but the pleasures of sex should not end there because we are missing out on one of the most blessed aspects of marriage if we do.

Myth #3: Sex is one way…there is no room for exploration.

In Myth #2, we unearthed the biblical truth that we are to take delight in our spouse, and mutually, in one another’s body.However, we are given the freedom through Scripture to enjoy and explore the gift of one another’s body.You see, sex is beyond just the missionary position, and we can ungrudgingly take delight in our sexual adventures with our spouse, while also holding true to boundaries set forth in Scripture.

Louis and Melissa McBurney, in their article “Christian Sex Rules”, puts the matter this way:

“We want to emphasize again that there are some specific sexual behaviors that are forbidden in scriptures.Adultery, that is having sexual intercourse with another person’s spouse or a partner other then your own spouse, is a sin.Jesus, in the Sermon of the Mount, deepens the importance of marital faithfulness by extending the prohibition of infidelity to include a lustful thought life as well as the physical act of intercourse.Looking into our minds and hearts is an important principle for safeguarding the delights of intimacy.Scripture is also clear about the evil of fornication—premarital sexual intercourse—which most of our culture accepts as normal and irresistible.”

The Bible is also very clear on listing other sexual practices as “abominations” to God, and therefore, sinful.These include homosexuality, bestiality, and incest. (Lev. 18, Rom. 1:21-32, 1 Thess. 4:1-8, and 1 Cor. 6:12-20). But practices not directly mentioned in Scripture, but not blessed practices of a sexual relationship in or out of the covenant of marriage are the use of pornography and sex toys.

With the advancements of neuroscience and utilizing principles set forth in God’s Word, we can see how pornography and sexually arousing toys, can reshape critical parts of the brain. Thus, weakening our ability to withstand adversity.In the YouVersion Devotion, “God’s Design for Sex”, the authors’ at One Minute Apologist put it this way, “With the advancements of neuroscience, we know that our willpower is a function of the prefrontal lobe of the brain and that consistent use of pornography actually reshapes this critical part of the brain, thus weakening one’s moral fortitude.The will is sapped of strength through continuous porn play.It’s often referred to as hypofrontality, a term used to describe the breakdown of the frontal lobe of the brain.This especially impacts addicts as their addictive desires simultaneously heighten, while their determination to resist is weakened and buckles under sexual pressure.”Although God’s Word gives some restrictions to sexual practices, God’s Word also gives a lot of freedom within the bounds of the marriage bed to explore and enjoy your sexual relationship with your spouse, but as you do remember Romans 12:10, “Be devoted to one another in love.Honor one another above yourselves.”

Myth #4: Sex is my decision and my decision only.

Wow! This is a controversial “myth” to write on (“deep breaths Brandon, deep breaths!”).If I write this “myth” one way, the higher sex driven spouse will cheer with adulation while elbowing the lower sex driven spouse in the side to say “WAKE UP AND READ THIS!”While if I write this piece in another way, the lower sex driven spouse will sigh in relief and feel justified in saying “No” to sex as often as they might already.So, let’s let the Apostle Paul speak on this one.In 1 Corinthians 7: 2-5, the Apostle Paul (kind of an important guy…seeing that he wrote most of the New Testament) writes that the act of sex is only between a man and his wife and neither shall deprive the other if only by mutual consent.Husband and wife no longer own their own bodies, but each now belongs to the other.

At the same time, Paul also instructs, in Ephesians 5:25, that men are to love their wives, just as Christ loves the church.Dr. R. Albert Mohler, the president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky, writes it this way, “But consider the fact that a woman has every right to expect that her husband will earn access to the marriage bed.Even as wives are commanded to submit to the authority of their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24, the husband is called to a far higher standard of Christ-like love and devotion toward his wife.Therefore, when I say that a husband must regularly ‘earn’ privileged access to the marital bed, I mean that a husband owes his wife the confidence, affection, and emotional support that would lead her to freely give herself to her husband in the act of sex.God’s gift of sexuality is inherently designed to pull us out of ourselves and toward our spouse.I believe that God means for man to be civilized, directed, and stimulated toward marital faithfulness by the fact that his wife will freely give herself to him sexually only when he presents himself as worthy of her affection and desire.”

Myth #5: Sex should ONLY be discouraged with children, NEVER discussed openly.

Good sex will not just fall into place and our children won’t just find healthy expressions for their sexuality on their own.Do you really want your child to find out about sex and sexuality on the playground or in the locker room?Our children are being exposed to pornography and sexualized material as early as 6 years old.That’s right, 6 years old, and we need to help them form a firm foundation before the world infects their tiny minds and spirits with its deprived nature.As is the case with most children, they need guidance.Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

How can a child stay on the path of purity? By living according to Scripture (Ps. 119:9).But how does a child know what God’s Word says?By falling in love with His Word and learning to hide His Word in their hearts so they may not sin against Him (Ps. 119:11).Kids will have questions and their inquisitive minds will want to know, so wouldn’t it make sense that you, the parent, would want to instill in them the values and principles that you find to be important? Craig Gross is the founder of XXXChurch.com and in his book, Touchy Subjects, he states, “As soon as you perceive your child is ready to handle the basic information about the touchy subjects, you need to step up and start the conversation.Don’t let the outside world beat you to the punch on this and potentially warp or distort the proper view of sex, technology, or even adulthood for your kids.They only get one chance to hear about anything for the first time—make sure you’re the one giving them that input.”

Myth #6: Sex should never be discussed outside the marriage bed.

Sex is a scared endeavor between husband and wife.Yet, as we discussed in Myth #5, we should openly and strategically address sex in age-appropriate manners with our children.But, often there are times that we need and desire the thoughts from our closest friends because we struggle to navigate the uneasy waters of the sexual conversation.However, our Christian culture has made the subject embarrassing or off-limits in most circles.But we need trusted, Christian friends that are desiring a deeper spiritual connection to God and their spouse to talk to, to help us understand, and to encourage us in the truths of Scripture.

When we talk about a good support system to help guide us and give us encouragement in our walk with Christ and within our marriages, we encourage that you find someone of your same gender, someone who loves God and is earnestly in pursuit of a relationship with Him, that is actively serving and honoring their spouse, that demonstrates Godly priorities in their life, has a solid history of fruitfully ministering truth to others, has a healthy awareness of their own strengths and weaknesses, displays self-discipline, and someone who is unabashed in articulating the truths of God’s Word.

Whatever it takes, Lord, align our desires with your desires, so that our dreams align with your purposes.Let your will be done through us and let our love for one another be a holy fragrance to You. Amen.

Resources

Button: Read John Piper: Don’t be embarrassed by sex, Shannon Ethridge’s Sex as an Act of Worship, Read Song of Songs 4:5-7 NIV, Read Song of Songs 7:6-9 NIV, Read Today’s Christian Woman article Christian Sex Rules, Start the YouVersion Devotion God’s Design for Sex by One Minute Apologist, Order and Read Craig Gross’ book Touchy Subjects, Read Mike Mason’s book The Mastery of Marriage, and Seek support.

Author: Brandon Schmidt, MA, LMFT-S, PCIT. Brandon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an Approved Supervisor in the State of Oklahoma. He is also a Certified Parent- Child Interaction Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Healing Differences

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:31:42 GMT

By Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC

“A time to be silent, and a time to speak” - Ecclesiastes 3:7 (NIV)

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” James 3:13 (NIV, emphasis mine)

What if the beginning to healing our differences was as simple as silence?

Not the kind of silence that is intended to harm, such as stonewalling or ignoring. But that type of silence can be damaging to another person. But instead, our silence is because we are listening.

Listening involves being silent, but we are still active. Actively involved in HEARING the other person. Not thinking about what we want to say as they are speaking, anxiously awaiting our chance to cut in and give our opinion, but actually listening. Considering the other individual and the unique perspective they might be offering.

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” James 1:19 (NIV)

It takes humility to defuse pride and stop wanting our say. There are times when our words are not helpful, but do we resist against controlling ourselves because we are right or because we desire to be right? There is a difference.

It may be that we grew up with a parent who made us feel like we were always wrong. Now we might feel compelled to prove our point when disagreement threatens. The problem with this is we cannot hear others, there is no consideration. Is it any wonder that we keep repeating conflicts with the same arguments? Can you give the floor to another and hear something different? Sacrifice your desire to be right.

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” Proverbs 17:27-28 (NIV)

Do you have enough humility to listen, to restrain yourself? Hear something different. Perhaps the eyes of your heart will then see something different. Something genuine.

Do you possess wisdom?

Author: Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC Candidate. Kristen is a Candidate pursuing licensure and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center..

"Got the Winter Blues?"

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:29:44 GMT

By Kyle McGraw, LPC, LADC

As a child, I remember hearing adults talk about "Cabin Fever" as if it were contagious. I later learned what they meant. The winter blues are often characterized by the lack of energy, or feeling less motivated or active than usual. Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, also referred to as the "Blues". This is a type of depression that's common during the Winter Months, when there are shorter days and often cloudy days, less sunlight and colder temperatures that may keep us indoors.Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) starts in the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody, but will typically lift in the spring or early summer.

The signs and symptoms of SAD, l may include the following and with no particular order:

Losing interest in activities
Feeling depressed
Low energy
Sleep difficulties
Difficulty concentrating
Feeling sluggish or agitated
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, hopelessness
Poor appetite
And in some cases thoughts of death or suicide

The causes of SAD remains unknown. Some factors that may come into play include:

A drop in serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that affects mood, may play a role in SAD. Reduced sunlight can cause a drop in serotonin that may trigger depression.
Circadian Rhythm or your biological clock may cause winter onset SAD. This decrease in sunlight may disrupt your body's internal clock and lead to feelings of depression and mood destabilization.
The body’s change in melatonin, a sleep hormone that helps you feel sleepy may be disrupted by insufficient sunlight and onset of winter.

Treatment :

A thorough physical exam with blood work is usual a good start to see if there may be physiological factors associated with SAD.
Getting with a professional counselor (call us today for an appointment) may help you to cope with the stressors of SAD. A therapist may diagnose, counsel and in some cases coordinate treatment with your medical doctor. Identifying and changing negative thoughts and behaviors will help you to change or cope with some of the underlying feelings you are experiencing.
Light therapy, often called phototherapy where you sit a few feet from a special light box so that you’re exposed to bright light within the first hour of waking up each day. Light therapy mimics natural outdoor light and appears to cause a change in the brain chemicals linked to mood.
Medications can provide some benefit from antidepressant treatment.
Exercise is known for improving mood and increasing the feel good chemicals in the brain combating feelings of depression. Yoga has become one of my favorites lately. Call TLCC for an appointment with our certified Yoga instructor, Tiffany Fuller, LMFT.
Many benefit from prayer and meditation to address feelings of sadness and depression. I am reminded of the scripture in II Samuel 22:29 "You LORD, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light."
The Mayo Clinic offers these suggestions: get outside, take a long walk, simply sit on a bench and soak up the sun. Even on cold or cloudy days outdoor light can help especially if you spend some time outside within two hours of getting up in the morning. Some will elect to sit under an ultra violet light to reduce some of these symptoms especially on days where natural sunlight is sparse.

If you need help dealing with the effects of SAD or other mental health challenges, do not hesitate to call us at (405) 246-5433.

Author: Kyle McGraw, LPC, LADC.Kyle is a Licensed Practice Counselor and Licensed Addictions and Drug Counselor in the State of Oklahoma.He is also the Director of Transforming Life Counseling Center.

The 6 Myths of Christian Sex - Part 1

Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:27:24 GMT

By Brandon Schmidt, LMFT (Part 1 of 2 Articles on “Christian Sex”)

I know what you are thinking… “What is Christian Sex and how is it any different from normal sex?” Here’s the problem, our culture is already saturated with ideas on sex and sexuality. Most of these ideas fit a secular worldview (a view not grounded in Scripture), so we need a firm, biblical foundation on sex and sexuality if we are ever going to have the tools needed to combat societies’ distortion of what they believe is great sex. Christian Sex, as defined in this article, is “a mutual self-giving from one believer to another that reaches pleasures both physical and spiritual in a monogamous, sexual relationship between a man and a woman in the covenant bounds of marriage” (1 Cor. 7: 2-5). In this article, we will help in eradicating the damaging myths about Christian Sex and sexuality, and seek to gain knowledge on the subject that I wish I had known more about earlier in my life, and believe me, there is a lot I wish I would have known about Christian Sex a long time ago.

Have you ever uttered the words, “I wish I would have known that?” I was 16 yrs. old when I remember uttering those words for the first time, I mean, I probably thought them much earlier than 16 yrs. old but what teen or preteen wants to admit such things. I was driving this sweet red 1989 Pontiac Sunbird and I drove that vehicle like it was a souped-up sports car, even though it was a 4-cylinder coupe that went 0-60 in a 2-mile stretch…on a good day. I loved that thing and drove it everywhere, but after a long night of cruising the Main Street of my small hometown with my car packed like a can of sardines with my buddies, it wouldn’t start. I tried and tried to get it to start but with no luck. Finally, as a last resort, I called my father and he suggested that I look to see if the car had water to help cool the radiator. As I used my dad’s instructions to locate the radiator and to check on his inquiry with use of a landline (kids, that’s a phone literally connected to a wall in your home) stretched out the front door of my friend’s house, because this was 1997 after all, I noticed the reservoir was bone dry. So, what else would I do, but refill the reservoir with cold tap water. As many adult car owners wince with what they know is coming next…the car still didn’t start…because now the cold tap water was pouring out of the radiator like a leaky faucet because the cold tap water mixed with the still hot, overheated radiator, broke the thermostatic heads resulting in a $500 mechanic bill instead of a $10 coolant fix. Definitely something I wish I would have known sooner rather than having that hefty debt staring me in the face (by the way, “Thank you, Dad, for taking care of that bill.You are awesome!”). Much like Christian Sex, there is much I wish I would have known sooner in my life, my relationships, and especially, in my marriage.

What’s the best way to fight myths, or better yet, lies? We take a play from the very playbook of Jesus and combat those lies with Biblical truths. Much like Jesus did when he faced temptation in the wilderness at the hands of Satan (our very real and devious enemy who hates you and everything that God stands for), we will seek to dispel the lies of the enemy as it pertains to Christian Sex and sexuality, with Biblical truths. Here is a list of myths that needs to be corrected that we as the Church have adapted into our worldview of Christianity and ultimately, our marriages.We will explore these further in the April Newsletter.

The 6 Myths (Lies) About Christian Sex That Should Be Dropped From Our Vocabulary NOW!

Myth #1: Sex is DIRTY!

Myth #2: Sex is for procreation and nothing else.

Myth #3: Sex is one way…there is no room for exploration.

Myth #4: Sex is my decision and my decision only.

Myth #5: Sex should ONLY be discouraged with children, NEVER discussed openly.

Myth #6: Sex should never be discussed outside the marriage bed.

Often times, symptoms like depression and anxiety, exhaustion, and stress (just to name a few) can lead to individuals having little to no sex drive, and as is the case of sexual trauma, individuals can have a distrust in anything sexual. In my work as a marriage and family therapist, I have heard on countless occasions, partners stating things like a lack of feeling appreciated, no emotional connection, and even “no romance” as reasons for having little to no desire for sexual intimacy with their spouse. No matter what the reason, if we love our spouse and we are seeking to meet their needs, just as they are seeking to meet our needs, we should be willing to “do anything short of sin” and seek whatever help possible to increase the satisfaction and desire to connect intimately with our spouse.

It is highly recommended that if you have an aversion to sex, pain during intercourse, a past history of sexual trauma, a low libido, or feel unsatisfied with your sexual relationship with your spouse, that you seek help immediately. Professional counselors, along with medical professionals, can help provide emotional, relational, and physiological support. Remember, God intends sex within the marriage to be scared and blessed for both partners. He wants you to increase in emotional and spiritual connection with one another but often times these issues may widen the gap already present between you and your spouse. You are not alone so find support and encouragement today.

In Mike Mason’s The Mastery of Marriage, he helps us understand what God intended all sexual encounters between husband and wife to be pleasurable for both partners:

“What moment in a man’s life can compare with that of the wedding night, when a beautiful woman takes off all her clothes and lies next to him in bed, and that woman is his wife? What can equal the surprise of finding out that the one thing above all others which mankind has been most enterprising and proficient in dragging through the dirt turns out in fact to be the most innocent thing in the world? Is there any other activity at all which an adult man and woman may engage in together (apart from worship) that is actually more childlike, more clean and pure, more natural and wholesome and unequivocally right than is the act of making love? For if worship is the deepest available form of communication with God (and especially that particular act of worship known as Communion), then surely sex is the deepest communion that is possible between human beings, and as such is something absolutely essential (in more than a biological way) to our survival.

Sex is not just a man’s craving but mutually satisfying, Christian Sex should be a married couple’s mutual endeavor. Our prayer is that as you journey to be a fully devoted follower of Christ that you begin to see sex through the amazing and satisfying eyes of God Himself. His desires should be our desires and His pleasures should be our pleasures, so take time to pray this prayer with your spouse:

Whatever it takes, Lord, align our desires with your desires, so that our dreams align with your purposes. Let your will be done through us and let our love for one another be a holy fragrance to You.Amen.

Resources

Our Team of Therapists at Transforming Life Counseling Center would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Blessed and Happy New Year!!!

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:25:57 GMT

Surviving The Holidays

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:23:48 GMT

by Caleb Scoville MS, LPC

Growing up, I never understood what was meant by the idea that Holidays could be difficult. I sort of understood the stress of siblings fighting over presents but could not fathom the notion that the holiday season could be emotionally difficult. Then, as most of us do, I suffered a loss in my life.

When you search for “surviving the holidays” on Google, the first search page comes up with many topics including “Surviving the holidays with the in-laws” “Surviving the holidays while unemployed,” “Surviving the holidays as a single parent” and “Surviving the holidays when you feel like a Grinch.”Surviving the holidays means something different to each of us. Whatever it means to you, there are general tips and ideas we can all keep in mind.

The Hallmark Channel (society) portrays the holidays in a certain light.In reality, relationships with our family members may not be intact, our troubles may be unresolved, we may never find our way back to the lost love and everything does not seemingly fall into place. The incessant messages of the “joyous holiday,” with everything comes together perfectly, can make anyone grieving, feel more alone and stressed than ever. With all the busyness during the holiday season (e.g. Halloween throughout New Years day) our grief tends to become even more disenfranchised. Cultural expectations of happiness and celebration can clash greatly with any notion of mourning during this time of year. It is normal though to move back and fourth between being present with loved ones in celebration and having intense sorrow for the way things were.

Below are some tips for dealing with difficulties during the Holidays:

Breathe deeply: "Just breathe" advice is given so often, that it’s overlooked or taken with resentment. However, it can be very beneficial because many of us can find ourselves holding our breath during stressful times. Make a point of focusing on purposeful, slow, deep breathing.This will bring more oxygen to your body, lowering your heart rate and blood pressure, ensuring a sense of calm during times of stress.If you just cannot seem to calm yourself via breathing, give yourself something to do. Our brains are not built to ruminate over loss and stay busy at the same time (e.g. wrapping presents, decorating, cooking, etc.) This is a good short-term solution to keep from dwelling and hopefully assist you in joining social activities.
Do not be afraid to talk about stressors. It does not even need to be about the specific main stressor (death, illness, divorce, etc.). Sometimes talking about all our thoughts brings a sense of relief. If you are grieving a death, openly talking about your loved one is a great way to find meaning in the holiday and honor their memory. It can bring people together and eases your pain.
Connect with family and friends. Most people in our lives want to help, but often are unsure how to do that.Despite good intentions, as a society, we are unsure how to handle grief. You will more than likely have people say, "I’m so sorry" so often that this phrase loses its meaning. So do not be afraid to spell out to your listener(s) exactly what you need. "Hey I need a break, can we go get some coffee and talk?” “I just do not have the energy tonight, can we go get dinner?”“Can you just sit with me and let me share what I’ve been feeling lately?” “Please, help me with my Tree/decorations/cleaning!” Or maybe, you just need a hug for some extra encouragement to get through your day. Specific requests are good and people generally respond enthusiastically to them.
If necessary, find a counselor. According to the Grief Recovery Institute, grieving alone as a best policy is the top grieving misconception. If you do not have anyone to talk to, find a therapist or group therapy session. You will get a safe space to share your thoughts, feelings and memories. Being open and honest with others, being vulnerable, can be healing. Similarly, let yourself experience all of your emotions and anticipate grief bursts. Accept the rise and fall of your feelings without shame or self-judgment.
Thanksgiving has come and gone, but we can continue that practice of being thankful. We can certainly be thankful for the big things in our lives because those may be easy to notice. Try incorporating some mindfulness and gratefulness into your day for all things. Notice the weather and what you like about it, enjoy that warm cup of coffee in the quiet of the morning and savor your children’s smile while they enjoy their gifts.
Social worker, researcher, and author Brene Brown is quoted as saying
“ I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness-it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”
Do not let guilt get in the way. It is not a betrayal of your feelings or marginalizing the loss you have experienced to enjoy the events of the holiday season.So do not shy away from joy, laughter or happy moments these are great ways of healing and creating new traditions.
Following a significant change in family dynamics, the holidays, life for that matter, will never be the same. But, we can find ways of creating new traditions, making meaningful memories and a meaningful life. Holidays can be something we can look forward to again.
Chaplain and grief specialist Gary Roe says this about grief:
"Our grief is deeply personal. Our loss is unique because our loved ones were one-of-a-kind. Our relationships were special. Others can relate and perhaps empathize, but our hearts and our grief are our own – ours alone.
Special. Lonely. A contradiction of love.
This season, we live the contradiction. We grieve because we love. Love endures. It always will.
We speak their names. We tell their stories. We live their legacies. We remember and honor them.
We will live, and be difference-makers that they would be proud of.
We will give thanks.”

The Reference section below has some great resources for you, as well.

References/Resources

http://www.griefhealing.com/coping-with-holidays-articles.htm

https://www.garyroe.com/2017/11/13/when-grief-and-holidays-collide/

http://leftbrainbuddha.com/10-ways-ban-busy-still-get-stuff-done/

https://gallery.mailchimp.com/a587ae3fd04f4acb8042880be/files/66cb4751-f62d-4bc0-ad98-f61e7b16fd6c/NAGC_Holiday_Toolkit_A_Season_of_Family_FINAL.pdf

Author: Caleb Scoville , MA, LPC , is a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Eating Disorders and the Holidays

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:21:41 GMT

by Paula Edwards-Gayfield, MA, LPC, NCC

Eating Disorders can be a difficult and painful issue to deal with any time throughout the year.But, the Holidays bring family gatherings, tables full of elegant meals and decadent desserts.The festivities of the Season, can bring many of the stresses that trigger eating disorder relapses.Paula Edwards-Gayfield is a Licensed Professional Counselor at TLCC, who has a special interest in the treatment of Eating Disorders.

Paula also has a special interest in the treatment of Eating Disorders.She has provided individual, group and family therapy at the Partial Hospitalization, Intensive Outpatient & Outpatient levels of care; resulting in her ability to treat complex cases. She has served as the director and clinical supervisor of a non-residential eating disorder treatment facility and has supervised and provided training for numerous professionals. Paula's training and experience in the treatment of eating disorders has earned her the CEDS credential from the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals (IAEDP).

A couple of articles Paula suggests for further information about eating disorders are as follows:

Dallas, Mary Elizabeth.(November 20, 2017). “How to Spot an Eating Disorder.” US News & World Report
Rollin, Jennifer. (November 20, 2017).“Tips for Dealing with Diet and Weight Talk Over The Holidays.” Huffington Post

Should you or a loved one need to speak to a professional about an eating disorder, please feel free to reach out to TLCC at (405) 246-5433, to reach Paula.

Author: Paula Edwards-Gayfield, MA, LPC, NCC, is a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Keep the “Christ” in Christmas: Forgiveness

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:19:57 GMT

by Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC Candidate

It may be true that Jesus Christ was not born in the month of December and that all of our celebrating of his birth during Christmas is rather inaccurate, but, even so, I doubt Christ himself would say “humbug” to such a remembrance. Perhaps the holiday season is an even greater time to keep Christ uppermost in our minds. The holidays can quickly blend from one to the next within a matter of months, and for many, this also means sharing a lot of time with family. This time of celebration is often subtly veiled under a thin disguise of stress, annoyance, hurt, and anger. Depending on your family’s accepted way of interacting with one another this can be overt or covert. We may be able to escape these unpleasant feelings for all the months before the holidays, but once around these specific family members, strong emotions can be triggered, producing uncomfortable thoughts like:“I’ve never felt good enough,” or “They’re judging me,” or“They never apologized,” or “Are they going to end up arguing over dinner…” or “I always do most of the cooking,” etc.

Whatever the thoughts may be our unresolved issues with others can be painful. Instead of enjoying our holidays together, we may come to dread them. We might think: “If they would just change!” or “Things would be better,” you fill in the blank. Sometimes people do change, but what if they do not? Perhaps one small answer is we have given too much of ourselves away to others. Somehow our emotions are not our own anymore. Did they make you think, feel, or say that; or did we choose? Can we make a different, conscious choice?

We are certainly not alone. There are many examples in Scripture of less than perfect relationships. The story of Joseph is a powerful example. We see with Joseph the deep betrayal of his brothers and his continual disappointment while imprisoned. In Psalm 105:18 (AMP), David writes about Joseph and his afflictions. Some versions translate: “His feet they hurt with fetters; he was laid in chains of iron and his soul entered into the iron”. Upon further examination, this passage can be understood to mean that Joseph was “bound to his grief” and that “He keenly felt the degradation and suffering of his unjust imprisonment”. This paints a picture of a man in deep pain, not only physically but emotionally. And why not, he had done nothing wrong, and yet was betrayed by those that he should have been able to trust the most. Even Christ experienced this, when he should have been able to trust his disciples they abandoned him. This is recorded in Mark 14:50 (NIV), as Jesus is being arrested scripture says: “Then everyone deserted him and fled.”

Eventually, Joseph did face his brothers who had betrayed him. Genesis 45:1-5 (NIV) reveals his emotional meeting: Then Joseph could no longer control himself before all his attendants, and he cried out, “Have everyone leave my presence!” So there was no one with Joseph when he made himself known to his brothers. And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it. Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still living?” But his brothers were not able to answer him, because they were terrified at his presence. Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Come close to me.” When they had done so, he said, “I am your brother Joseph, the one you sold into Egypt! And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you. ” (emphasis mine)

We cannot change the past or others decisions in the moment, but we can make for ourselves a new choice. To forgive. Holding on to unresolved negative emotions can be damaging and even make us sick. Christ also said when being crucified, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34, NIV). Christ’s example before us models forgiveness. Did Christ’s persecutors deserve forgiveness? No, but then none of us can be found to be perfect either.Forgiveness for some is more difficult, often times the offense was very painful. Some of our family members might require that we practice the fruits of the Spirit. They need more grace, patience and love. Perhaps we are being challenged in goodness, but it starts with forgiveness.This Christmas, put Christ back into your Christmas, by attempting to heal past wounds and forgive past hurts.

References/Resources

http://biblehub.com/commentaries/psalms/105-18.htm

Author: Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC Candidate. Kristen is a Candidate pursuing licensure and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

In Deep Appreciation…

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:18:23 GMT

We would like to acknowledge a lady, who has been with TLCC since the beginning. She was a part of visioneering our Counseling Center before our doors ever opened. She then became a “Right Hand” to TLCC by doing insurance billing for our counselors and by being the first voice that many clients heard when they called TLCC. JoLee Spence, we want to thank you for your nearly 11 years of service to our Center. You have been a constant since we opened our doors in January of 2007. May you know our love and deep appreciation for the role you have played in our lives, and in the life of TLCC.

Many of you knew Bill Spence, JoLee’s husband. He was a founding partner of TLCC and a counselor in our Center for a little over 10 years. Bill died April 10th, following a long, courageous and inspiring battle with cancer. We lost a colleague and friend, and JoLee lost the love of her life. In all, she remained a faithful, loving and protective caregiver to her husband, all the while continuing to fulfill her duties at TLCC. She consistently took care of our needs at the Center throughout her time here.

In September, JoLee left her position at TLCC to follow God’s lead in pursuing the next chapter of her life, and to spend more time with her children and grandchildren. She has a heart of ministry and a desire to impact the lives of others and by bringing wisdom and the love of Jesus into their lives.

JoLee, we love you and appreciate your time and presence here at Transforming Life. You and Bill will always be a part of TLCC and what we do here. May God bless you dearly.

Technology and the Family - Part 2

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:15:33 GMT

by Kevin Tutty

In my previous article I discussed how technology affects our attention, both indirected and directed attention. In indirected attention, there is no need to try to focus on what is being done. For example, when looking at a video screen, there is no need to focus your attention, the images “draw you in.” In directed attention, including reading a book or doing homework, an attempt to focus consciously is needed to complete the task. Also, if we engage in an activity involving indirect attention for an extended period of time, it can (and usually does) become more difficult to engage in other activities needing directed attention. Our brain can become lazy.

OK, so we know too much screen time isn’t good, but what do what are some ways to limit it and still keep some peace in our households? In her book, “Parenting in the Age of the Attention Snatchers, Dr. Lucy Palladino gives us “3 ‘R’s’: Running, Reflection and Rethinking” screen time.

Running, (or most any exercise) stimulates the release of endorphins. The drug Morphine, actually mimics the release of endorphins. Dopamine, for instance, is released in our brain when we exercise, which improves our mood in a natural way. I can say from experience, that there is a feeling I get from running that I can’t duplicate with any other activity. Running is the only way that I can completely clear my mind and think nothing except what I am doing at that time. This is actually the goal of mindfulness training, bringing ourselves fully in to the moment without distraction. The health benefits from running are a great result, as well. Signing up and running in a competition is both a great accomplishment and a way to stay accountable to your running program. I started at a 5K, and worked my way up to a marathon, and would recommend disconnecting from technology while running as much as possible, as it takes away from the experience to be constantly checking statistics. Hiking or biking are also great alternatives as well if you are not into running.

Reflection is the second “R.” Someone once said, “We are (or have become) ‘human doings’ instead of ‘human beings.’” This becomes more and more true with use of technology in our daily lives. I can tell it is harder for me to just relax since I have had a smartphone to check news feeds or play ‘Clash of Clans,’ my time-waster of choice. I feel I have to be doing something. Dr. Palladino points out that FOMO (fear of missing out) keeps us constantly checking social media, or any number of other things on our devices. Next time you get a text or a phone call, see how difficult it is not to attend to it. There are now psychological disorders developing relating to not being able to look at our devices at a given time. But as we know from the last article , it gets harder and harder to do (or not do) things the more we use our electronic devices because we get conditioned to check updates - wouldn’t want to miss out on something, would we?

Rethinking screen time is related to using devices as a “means” more than an “end.” Dr. Palladino refers to it as “using technology as a tool rather than a toy.” This can be using other resources besides technology for task completion, and including research. Rethinking how we use technology will help us to reframe its use in your child’s mind. Talking to them about how they use technology will help them to think about responsible use of it.

Palladino, Lucy, PhD. Parenting in the Age of the Attention SnatchersApril.Boulder, CO:Shambhala Publications, 2015.

Author: Kevin Tutty, MS, LPC. Kevin is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

All Great Changes… addiction and suicide

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:14:11 GMT

by Kristen Caldwell, LPC Candidate

“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” -Deepak Chopra

It can be difficult to imagine that out of chaos something life changing can emerge. For an individual struggling with addiction this can also seem unfathomable. Addiction can often be complex and is commonly linked to alcohol and drug abuse with good reason, but there are many other types of addictions not always related to substance abuse. Public knowledge on this topic is still maturing due to a lack of understanding on the process involved in forming an addiction.

The formation of an addiction is not necessarily a lack of will power in making a simple choice to stop, nor is it always based on character and an individual’s moral principles. Once addiction has taken hold it becomes what can be described as compulsive and difficult to control. To add drugs or any other substance in the mix can further complicate things. Substance abuse alone weakens an individual’s ability to refrain from acting on impulse. This is because drugs can alter the brain in ways that make quitting difficult, and can also be said of other addictions not related to substance abuse. Although the initial decision to engage in an addiction is often voluntary, repeated episodes can result in brain changes that challenge self-control and can eventually interfere with the individual’s ability to resist intense urges.

Addictions can create a temporary high that eventually pass into tolerance, resulting in an increase in the addictive behavior in order to achieve the same high. The dark side to this over time can manifest in reduced pleasure to enjoy everyday activities, for example social interactions. The long-term effects can also affect decision-making, judgment, learning, memory, behavior, and stress.Living with this reality day after day can be chaotic for the individual suffering from it. After a while, the burden and shame can become overwhelming, sometimes ending in suicide.

Within the United States, suicide has become an increasing problem. Coupled with addiction, this can be deadly. For example, drug and alcohol abuse alone can result in suicide, and is often the cause. (1) Some additional statistics include:

Higher suicide rates in men (3.5x) who are often abusing drugs to cope with repressed emotions
Average rates are 117 suicides per day
Veterans are at a higher risk due to often being prescribed stronger mind altering pharmaceutical drugs
Suicide is the 10thleading cause of death with drug and alcohol abuse leading in 3rdwithin the United States (1)

The list goes on and on. If you are getting the picture, you are now seeing that suicide can be related to addiction. As suicidal intention increases individuals can display withdrawal and isolation, mood swings (extreme ups and downs), increase in substance abuse or addictive habits, normal routines can change (eating and sleeping), risky behaviors can intensify, and lastly agitation and anxiety can emerge due to personality changes. (2) Whatever the symptoms, each individual will be different. Remember, even though your loved one or friend may be in the chaos of an addiction, suicide is never the answer and should be watched for. Their darkness can be a catalyst propelling them to great change. Whether you are a person facing addiction or know someone who is, this is only a season if we pursue hope.

Should you or a loved one you know be struggling with addiction please call TLCC at 405-246-5433.If you are in need of immediate help for suicidal thoughts and don’t reach a live person, please call the National Suicide Hotline at 1(800)273-8255.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”

-Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” –Psalm 18:2 NIV

(1)Addiction and Suicide. http://www.newbeginningsdrugrehab.org/resources/addiction-and-suicide/ . September 16, 2017.

(2)Suicide and suicidal thoughts. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/suicide/basics/symptoms/CON-20033954 . September 16, 2017

Author: Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC Candidate. Kristen is a Candidate pursuing licensure and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center

Stress and Gratitude

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:12:12 GMT

by Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

This year with Thanksgiving fast approaching, I found myself looking differently at things. Thanksgiving serves as a grand entrance to the Holiday Season. And, yet to so many, this holiday of gratitude marks the beginning of a very stressful time of year. Most of us, already living fast-paced lives, find ourselves thrust into “fast forward” during the holidays: Tyrannized by our own list of to-do’s, losing appreciation for and connection to the most important things in our lives. Many of which are supposed to be celebrated during this season.

In summary, here is what gratitude offers to us:

It refocuses us on the positive, reminding us of what we appreciate in life. (Phil. 4:8)
Increases positivity and halts negative thought patterns (Phil 4:6-7)
Helps us to appreciate and focus on what we actually have (Psalm 100:1-5)
It renews the mind and increases mental and emotional resiliency (Romans 12:2)
It can help counterbalance the negative effects of stress (Proverbs 17:22)
It helps us to embrace our own life and reminds us to pay it forward (2 Cor 9:11)
Offers a fuller perspective on life that isn’t stress or negativity focused (1 Thes 5:18)
It rewires the brain, increasing positive thoughts and associations (Romans 12:2)

"Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as

friendly to the mind as to the body." -Joseph Addison

Resources

Emmons, PhD, Robert A.(June, 2011) Why Gratitude is Good.Retrieved from http://www.dailygood.org

What is your “Buddy Holly?”

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:08:16 GMT

By Kevin Tutty, MA, LPC

A couple of months ago, my wife decided to expand our son’s horizons to include classic Rock and Roll. It started when my 7year-old didn't know who Elvis Presley was, so she decided to introduce both of them to “The King.” Then, she wanted to continue, so next was Buddy Holly. I didn’t think Buddy Holly music was my kind of music necessarily, but it grew on me and I learned how he influenced practically every rock musician in some way after him (the Beatles chose their name partly because of Buddy Holly’s Crickets!). Anyway, I digress. At some point, my wife decided she had created a monster, as I asked for a Buddy Holly compact disc set (yes, compact disc).

As I continued to listen though, a strange thing happened. I found I began to feel more calm and my cares didn’t seem to matter as much. Maybe it was the light-hearted, innocent music of the late 50’s. I joked that listening to Buddy Holly made me happy. I guess it doesn’t take much, huh? I used to get the same feeling from running, but my marathon days are over due to an ankle sprain last year, so I guess I needed some form of substitute.

This time of year proves to be stressful for everyone. Parents, children and teens alike have many more demands placed on their time as fall approaches. Parents can have a huge impact in lowering their children’s anxiety and stress levels if they can remain calm during these times. Children, especially those 10 and younger, will look to their parents for a calming influence. What the parents feel, the children will feel as well. This is because at this age, children do not have a full sense of their identity yet and often see their parent’s emotions as their own. My hope is for each of you to find something positive that can provide a calming influence in your lives. Whether it is reading, exercise, listening to music, or a hobby, it will not only be beneficial to you but also to your whole family.

Author: Kevin Tutty, LPC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Circle of Security Parenting Series

Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:05:02 GMT

By Caleb Scoville, MS, LPC

“My advice to parents is not to miss an opportunity to show affection to their babies”

-Mary Ainsworth

(Developmental psychologist and attachment expert)

Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics shows that caring relationships and positive parenting builds resilience and strength in our children and us. Research also demonstrates conclusions learned early in life tend to replicate themselves. Thus, how our parents interacted with us, in our very first relationship, tends to be how we will be with our children and others. As an ancient quote tells us,“we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are”.

At times, all parents feel lost or without a clue about what our children might need from us. Imagine what it might be like if you were able to make sense of what your child was really asking from you.With the Circle of Security Parenting (COS-P) program this is possible. COS-P is based on decades of research about how secure parent-child relationships can be supported and strengthened.

A few of the many benefits of a secure attachment between parents and children include feeling less anger at parents, turning to parents when in trouble and children solving problems on their own.We also see many physical health benefits to a secure attachment as the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study shows us.The ACE study links early negative experiences to health, relationships and how we parent (for more information see references below).

In the Circle of Security Parenting Series caregivers learn a path of secure attachment focusing on children’s needs and caregiver’s state of mind rather than focusing on children’s behaviors.

“Bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind”—a parenting style with a high level of the caregiver being “in charge” matched with a high level of caregiver warmth and affection. This is at the heart of a secure attachment.Children from these families tend to be more mature, independent and academically successful. Recognition that we have a parent who can be counted on to lovingly provide tenderness, comfort, firm guidance and protection during inevitable difficulties. Honestly, all of us have this need some of the time, regardless of our age.“Bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind” becomes a central parenting focus/goal (repeated often) within the COS protocol.

For more information on the Circle of Security curriculum and how to get involved please contact Caleb at Transforming Life Counseling Center for more information.

“There is no such thing as a baby, there is only a baby and someone”

-Donald Winnicott, M.D.

Authors: Caleb Scoville, MS, LPC.

References:

https://www.aap.org/en-us/Pages/Default.aspx

https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/about.html

https://www.circleofsecurityinternational.com/

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/Pages/default.aspx

Let’s Talk Depression and Suicide- A Continuance

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 16:03:37 GMT

By Jenna Richardson, MS, LPC and Brandon Schmidt, MA, LMFT-S, PCIT

Changes in eating habits : They may be eating more or less than normal. Appetites change when a person is battling depression. You might hear someone say that they just have no appetite or that they have to force themselves to eat. You might also hear someone say that they cannot stop eating because it often brings them comfort.
Changes in sleeping patterns: They may be sleeping too little or sleeping a lot. Most people who experience depression will state that it is very hard for them to get out of bed. Their motivation seems to take a plunge when depression enters the picture. This is a hard cycle to break because the more a person experiences a lack of motivation, the less they want to do, which in turn causes more depression, then a deeper lack of motivation, etc. This is called a cycle of depression. It is hard to break but crucial for recovery.
Changes in energy and motivation : If you notice someone who regularly works out (i.e. athlete, someone into physical health) start to be irregular with their workout routine, this could be a sign of depression. This goes back to the fact that depression increases a lack of motivation. If a person is struggling with depression, they are not going to “feel up” to working out or other things they may normally do.
Withdrawal from relationships: People struggling with depression with often times isolate themselves from those they consider to be closest to them. They will begin to feel like they have no energy to pour into a relationship. Those struggling may also feel like their depression is toon heavy of a burden for those closest to them and will want to protect them from their thoughts.
Loss of interest in special activities: Those who are battling depression will often lose interest in activities such as sports, music, writing, school, etc. They will often report that the things that used to make them happy simply don’t anymore. They also might turn from their positive coping skills and either replace them with negative coping skills or a lack of coping skills. This often ties into the lack of motivation and depression cycle talked about earlier.

“You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalms 139:14)
You are WORTHY.
You are made in HIS IMAGE.
Your body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Your body is NOT YOUR OWN. It belongs to Jesus.
You are MORE; More than the lies, whispers, rumors, and loneliness.
Death has already BEEN DEFEATED; whatever you are fighting, Jesus already died for it.
YOU HAVE A PURPOSE.
Ultimately, you aren’t in control, GOD IS.
Our God is BIGGER.
You can’t give victory to the enemy. Those lies you hear, are solely of the enemy. Don’t let him win.
You aren’t alone.
God’s plans for you are PROSPEROUS. It's not cliché, it’s the truth. (Jeremiah 29:11)

In the next issue, we will discuss appropriate ways to approach a loved one about their depression in order to gain a better understanding of appropriate measures that might need to be taken.

Jenna is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

(1) Faith, Lauren. Thirteen Reasons Why Not . https://www.laurenfaithm.com/home/2017/4/18/13-reasons-why-not . April 18, 2017.

The Importance of Co-parenting and Finding Support Thru Divorce

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:50:17 GMT

By Caleb Scoville, LPC

Currently, 1.5 million children are affected by divorce yearly in the United States. Oklahoma has one of the highest divorce rates in the country. Divorce can have a profound impact on individuals and families. Psychologist Judith Wallerstein performed a research study from the 1970s into the 1990s that followed a group of children of divorce. This study measured the impact of divorce from a period of 18 months to 25 years post divorce. The results of this longitudinal study were disturbing. Even 25 years post divorce, individuals continued to experience expectations of failure, fear of change, fear of loss, and fear of conflict. This highlights the fact that we can no longer overlook the devastating impact of divorce on children. Through this article we will explore what divorce looks like in Oklahoma, what is being done to help children cope with divorce, and what parents can do to help their children adjust.

In June 2014, House Bill (HB) 2249 was passed and became law when signed by Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin. I will summarize what it means for married couples that have children under 18 in the home. Essentially, the State wanted to combat the rising divorce rates and the devastating impact a divorce can have on families. With the creation of House bill 2249, any married couple divorcing for reason of incompatibility is required by law to take a four-hour “Parenting Thru Divorce” seminar. There are many locations across the state for individuals to take this seminar. Topics that the seminar covers are:

The effects divorce has on a child’s well being,
Reconciliation as an option instead of divorce,
The effects of domestic violence on families and children,
Educate as to the potential emotional and behavioral states of children following a divorce and offer suggestions of how to respond to children’s needs.
Communication strategies to reduce conflict,
And, they aid in developing co-parenting strategies.

The course also includes statewide resources on numerous topics including counseling, reconciliation, and mediation. While each site may vary on specific info included in their course, there is a mandated curriculum required by HB 2249.

I have learned a lot through co-instructing these courses. For one, judges vary in what they will and will not accept with regard to meeting the state requirements for this course. Some classes are offered online, but these classes do not appear to support divorcing families the way face-to-face seminar can. An in-class seminar provides a great deal of information and includes handouts and resources that can be utilized in the future. Parents may also form connections with other parents experiencing divorce, which can offer support. While parents are not necessarily “excited” to be in a four-hour seminar, they do report learning a significant amount of information regarding divorce and supporting their children. Parents learn what children experience in a divorce situation and how to respond to their children’s needs. In addition, parents learn the importance of co-parenting when possible as well as how to find support for themselves and their children in the forms of support groups, individual counseling, friends, and family. I will leave you with this resounding statement that I hear more often than not: “I wish I had taken a class like this before, I never knew of the potential issues.”

References

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/marriage_divorce_tables.htm

http://coparenting.okstate.edu/sites/default/files/HB%202249.pdf

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/divorce-and-infidelity/should-i-get-a-divorce/how-could-divorce-affect-my-kids

https://www.ok.gov/health2/documents/HCI_Marriage%20and%20Divorce_1990_2013.pdf

https://www.ok.gov/odmhsas/Additional_Information/Statistics_and_Data/

http://www.oklegislature.gov/BillInfo.aspx?Bill=hb2249

http://www.tulsaworld.com/homepagelatest/new-oklahoma-law-requires-class-before-many-divorces/article_be443a5a-db28-5f84-81a4-86186ca20d7e.html

Why All the Buzz About Yoga?

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:48:30 GMT

By Tiffany Fuller, LMFT

Recently I tweaked my back. Suddenly, simple things that had always been automatic and effortless required the energy and attention I used to reserve for solving complex equations in my high school math class! Who knew it could be so difficult to turn from one side to the other? It became a geometric conundrum involving assessment of angles, evaluation of the three part process required to shift sides and some not so silent groans when I got stuck in the process (kudos to my husband for not booting me out of the bed!). However, after a few trips to the chiropractor and a short sabbatical from my exercise routine, I was ready to get back to life as usual…I was ready for some yoga!

If you’ve been to a grocery store recently, you may have noticed the proliferation of magazines touting the benefits of yoga and mindfulness. Neuroscience research has identified areas of the brain, the medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC) for example, that seem to wake-up with mindful meditation. This part of the brain helps us become aware of and interpret internal physiological sensation. It allows us to integrate the analytical reasoning of the left -brain with the right-brained “wisdom of the body”-our gut feelings, or intuition. This process of interoception is crucial to mental wellness and relational health. Additionally, the MPFC assists in the development of empathy. It helps us imagine another’s world and see from their point of view (Siegel, 2011).

For me, yoga is about connection. It’s about awareness and acceptance of current experience. The word yoga actually means union. It emphasizes a coming together of breath, mindful meditation, and movement. In my 17 years of doing yoga, my focus has shifted. I always enjoyed the movement, but over time I discovered an inner quiet that came when I tuned in to my breath and stayed rooted in the present. I noticed patterns of thought and behavior through yoga, a fixation with the ideal- the proper form, the perfect pose. Sometimes I ignored my body’s signals and pushed too hard. For example, I remember staying up all night with my sick toddler. The next day I was exhausted. Instead of resting, I powered through an evening yoga class. It was a process, for me, of learning to listen and respond… to acknowledge what is and adjust, to stop charging full speed ahead.

Yoga is like a mirror. It reflects ways of being that often go unobserved. It creates space to slow down and notice without judgment or self-criticism. It helps direct and sustain attention. Learning to slow and deepen the breath enables the body to shift from fight or flight to repair and relax mode. Heart rate decreases, digestion improves and muscles relax as the parasympathetic nervous system engages. Mind and body become synchronized.

Yoga has helped me let go of the “should’s and ought’s” that steal joy. It has been a gentle introduction to stewarding my internal resources well. This stewardship manifests in greater awareness of experience, both mine and others’ and in recognizing where I have a choice and taking action.I connect more quickly to the quiet place within that knows, truly, all is well with my soul.

Yoga enriches my relationship with God. I am more aware of God’s presence around me, within me-as near to me as my breath. Breathing becomes a meditation and an expression of gratitude. When I dial down and tune in, the still small voice of God is easier to hear. I sense Him remind me that He is more constant than my breath. He sustains and supports me. I exhale as He reminds me to let go of what is stale or unnecessary. I inhale His life, His assurance that everything I need is right here and now. As I breathe, the truth that nothing can separate me from the love of God permeates my awareness and centers me in peace.

Please go to our "News" Section on our website at www.tlccok.com to find out when Tiffany is offering her next group on mindfulness, yoga and mental health.

References :

Bussing, A., et al., “Effects of Yoga on Mental and Physical Health: A Short

Summary of Reviews,” Evidence based Complementary and Alternative

Medicine: eCAM 2012.

Siegel, D.J. (2011).Mindsight. New York: Bantam.

Van der Kolk, B.A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. New York: Viking.

B. Van der Kolk, et al., “Yoga as an Adjunctive Treatment for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: A Randomized Controlled Trial,” J Clinical Psychiatry 2014;

75(00):e000-e000.

Finding Peace

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:47:19 GMT

By Margene Nelson, LPC, LADC

Christine Baranski, the TV and Stage Actress, says in her article in “Spry Living,” that her goal is “to maintain and quiet center.” Many of us are overwhelmed and feel as though the world isn’t a safe place.” What makes it feel that way is the constant cacophony of news, political chatter and sense of unrest in the world, bombarding us from all sides. It’s on TV, in the break room at work, on social media, and even at church. Everyone has an opinion. Just the mention of the “P-word” (politics) causes agitation and strife.It has even started wars.

So where can we find solace? On a mountain top? Or the ocean? Somewhere far and away from all the noise? We can find peace in those places, but they’re not always accessible for most of us. We may know what works for us personally: a walk in the park, a bubble bath, our favorite music, but, what if we can’t get there in certain moments when we are feeling overwhelmed? So where do we find that quiet center? How can we find solace?

Amidst the hubbub, we can find our center. How, you say? Stop for a moment and slow down, breathe deeply, meditate or pray, if you will. Be mindful of who you are, where you are and go within. It’s there for each of us, anytime, anywhere, and underneath any mood. Quietness is available, patiently waiting for us to return to our center. There we can listen to the “Still, small voice” of God that guides us towards goodness and towards peace.

Wars are fought on the battlefield, but they start within, when we let the clamor from the outside invade our still, quiet, peaceful place within.Once we find that sacred place, we can make more rational choices because we’re making decisions from a peaceful place rather than a chaotic one.We can be kinder to ourselves and kinder to others.We can let others “be.”We are not reacting to our circumstances.

World peace? It begins within. Practice going to your peaceful place.

A Clinical Response To "13 Reasons Why"

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:46:01 GMT

By Jenna Richardson, LPC

Brandon Schmidt, LMFT-S

"Netflix and chill." A common response to a long day at work or a lazy Sunday afternoon. We often "treat ourselves" to an episode or two of the latest series added to the popular streaming app. But, once we finally shake off the fog from our "just one more episode" coma, we realize it's 3am and we have to be at work or at school in few hours. The most recent hype surrounding the Netflix Original series "13 Reasons Why" is no different.

"13 Reasons Why" follows Clay Jensen, a shy high school student, who returns home from school one day and receives a mysterious package in the mail. It contains seven double-sided cassette tapes used by Hannah Baker, a classmate who has recently committed suicide. Each tape details a reason why she killed herself. The tapes were sent to various other people before arriving at Clay's door and while listening to the tapes, Clay walks around town and visits the various places mentioned by Hannah.

Here's our disclaimer upfront: This is a beautifully crafted piece of cinematography with extraordinary acting, gripping story lines, and multifaceted characters, pull at every fiber of our emotional psyche. If you start this series, you will not want to put it down. It will leave you wanting the next episode and the next and one after that. And now you see why it's gripped the attention of so many...including our children.

In a recent discussion group at Transforming Life Counseling Center, our counselors voiced concerns on the impact this show is having on our clients, and, to draft our clinical response to the effects stirred by the themes presented in "13 Reasons Why." Therapists raised concerns the show appears to glorify suicide, presenting suicide as a plausible option when a person feels lost, abandoned, victimized, alone, etc. Sadly, many who commit suicide rob their friends and family of their presence and relationship, and they don't take into consideration the devastating effects of suicide on family and friends. As Superman himself, Christopher Reeve, once said, "Once you choose hope, anything is possible."

During the TLCC discussion, other therapists voiced concern the main character of this show, Hannah, fails to take ownership for events in her life, choosing to blame everyone else. Hannah knowingly put herself in risky situations, as evidenced by the time she witnessed her best friend being raped: Hannah said nothing to anyone, and then later went to a party at this same boy's house. She had many opportunities to leave the party, but, was unfortunately raped by the same boy. The rape wasn’t her fault, the rapist in the story needed to be charged and found guilty for his crime. And, many rape survivors don't put themselves in risky situations. However, Hannah Baker had every opportunity to avoid this situation.

Also during the TLCC discussion, therapists were bothered by the school counselor's lackadaisical response to Hannah's only cry for help. As mental health professionals, we have entered into this career because we care about others and want them to see their own strength and resiliency. However, the school counselor in the show seemed more focused on reporting the situation then caring and connecting with Hannah Baker. We need to have ears that hear and eyes that see the signs of someone in distress.

Many adolescents don't understand the finality of death. “13 Reasons Why” is a good example as Hannah Baker continued a presence throughout the rest of the series. The tapes serve as a way that she can continue to live even after death. Many clients voiced how it was hard to understand the gravity of death when Hannah remained a constant throughout the series. To better address this and other main topics on how to approach "13 Reasons Why", here is our clinical response:

IF you let them watch. Discuss each episode with them and allow them the opportunity to discuss in depth their feelings towards these difficult subjects. Parents should make sure to create a safe environment for their kids to open up. This safe environment would include a soft, gentle tone, non-judgmental attitude etc. Allow time for questions and stay off the soapbox; make answers concise and to the point.
Listen and reassure your kids. Just like most of us, all we need to know is someone is there for us and loves us. Provide reassurance that what they are feeling isn't wrong but that you love them too much to leave them there.
Look for signs of distress. Isolation, giving away of personal belongings, statements alluding to suicide, sense of euphoria before, etc. A broader list will be provided in future articles.
Have an action plan. Know where to take your children in the case of imminent danger or call a counselor/hospital if you are unsure of what to do. Always have your child in your sights if they have voiced distress.
Enroll your child in counseling should your child show signs of distress.

The most important support and encouragement you could give is you build and foster a loving and supporting relationship with your kids.Encourage open communication and an honest expression of emotion. It's appropriate to learn your child’s communication style to provide a safe environment for your child to open up. Staying in tuned with your child’s emotional needs is the best way to encourage healthy emotional intelligence.

In upcoming articles, we want to give our readers practical signs to watch for, ways to help those in need, and resources to turn to in time of trouble. Please watch for these articles in our coming "A New Day" newsletters.

Authors: Brandon Schmidt, MA, LMFT-S, PCIT. Brandon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an Approved Supervisor in the State of Oklahoma. He is also a Certified Parent-Child Interaction Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Jenna Richardson, MS, LPC. Jenna is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center .

Kids and the Internet

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:42:43 GMT

by Kevin Tutty, M.A.

A young boy is playing is playing his video game after school. Completely immersed in the game, his Mom tells him it is time to stop and set the table before dinner. He says back, “OK.” Ten minutes later, his Mom yells at him to stop playing and asks him to set the table. The boy replies, “You don’t have to yell at me!” When his Mom says that she asked him ten minutes ago, the boy states he never heard her ask. Does this scenario sound familiar? It likely does.

When the boy is playing his video game, he doesn't have to focus to pay attention to the game, while he does have to focus to pay attention to his Mom. In Parenting in the age of the Attention Snatchers , Dr. Mary Jo Palladino discusses 2 types of attention: directed attention, and indirected attention. While directed attention requires effort to focus on a task, such as doing homework or chores, indirected attention requires no effort in order to focus. It is naturally easier to direct our attention to watching television (indirect attention) than it is to read, focus and comprehend what we just read (direct attention). In fact, the more time we spend in front of a screen, like a television or mobile device, the harder it becomes for us to focus our attention on tasks that require directed attention, like listening or doing homework.

Have you ever heard, “I couldn't live without my phone”? A study in 2016 from the University of Illinois found that addiction to, and not simply use of, mobile technology is linked to anxiety and depression in college-age students.

Minimizing the effects of too much screen time?

What are some ways to limit the effects of too much screen time?

Have all family members participate in dinner time without electronic devices.
Do not use electronic devices for 1 - 2 hours before bedtime. Electronic screens have thousands of flashing lights, which excite the photoreceptor cells in our eyes, decreasing melatonin production and making it harder to sleep.Spend a few days without the use of screens. You will find you and your family will spend more quality time together without the electronics.
Look at parental control software for cell phones, tablets and computers. Leaving your child alone with electronic devices is very risky without some control over content.

For more information, here's a great resource: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/technology-kids/

Bibliography

Dr. Mary Jo Palladino. (2015). Parenting in the Age of Attention Snatchers.

Look for more ideas on parenting our kids in the digital age in upcoming Newsletters!!

Kid’s Summer Bucket List Ideas!!!

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:39:53 GMT

by Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

Summer is in full swing and, you may have already heard the words, “Mom, I’m bored…there's nothing to do.” As a Mom, sometimes I come up empty handed. And, not that boredom is a bad thing, because it often leads to creativity. But, just in case, here are a few ideas to add to your Parental Treasure Box of Ideas. Additionally, you can give points for each bucket list item your child does, and they can use those points to earn screen time, OR create your own point chart based on reading goals, or chores, or exercise, or social time with friends. These points could also be earned and exchanged for screen time.

Make a fort!!
Go fishing!!
Make popscicles!
Play badminton!!
Make play-doh!
Go bowling!!
Sidewalk chalk!
Write a prayer journal!
Go to the lake or beach!!
Finger paint!
Go to the zoo!!
Catch lightening bugs!
Go on a nature hike!!
Take pictures at sunset!
Draw or paint the sunset!!
Have a cookout!
Go to the drive-in movies!!
Create an obstacle course!
Make ice cream!!!
Read a book!
Go swimming!!
Water fight!!!
Paper airplanes!!
Bake cookies!
Play volleyball!!
Hopscotch!
Relay races!!
Jump rope!!
Play Dress up!
Wash the car!!
Kids make dinner night!
Play bingo!!
Watch Fireworks!!
Create a summer scrapbook!!
Play soccer!
Play hide and seek!
Ride bikes!
Paint clay pots!
Bible Study with friends!!
Have a game night!
Go to the pet store!!
Get a telescope!
Write your own play!
Have a lemonade stand!

Make bracelets to sell!
Do a magic show!!
Play basketball!!
Write a book!
Make Pizza!!
Rent a boat!!
Create a time capsule!!
Start a blog!
Have a family craft night!!
Go to the science museum!!
Go to the movies!
Collect and raise tadpoles!
Help someone in need!
Create a frisbee golf course!!
Check out the meteor showers in August!!
Learn the books of the Bible!
Memorize Weekly Bible verses!!
4th of July Parade!
US Map - color the states you’ve visited!!
Do a favor for someone!
Re-arrange your room!!!
Create a summer business!
Encourage a friend!
Open a savings account!
Do something nice for someone every day!!
Write a letter to Grandma and Grandpa!
Pool Party!!
Make t-shirts w/ fabric paint!!
Write letters to kids in other countries!
Make your own bucket list!
Go camping!
Improve swimming skills!!
Plant a garden!
Camp fires and s’mores!
Go Hammocking!!!
Make a list of friends!
Make an all about me book!
Practice fitness every day!!
Drink your water each day!
Clean room each day!!
Invite a new friend over!
Water balloon fight!
Draw or color a picture!
Learn a new sport or skill!!

—Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT
TLCC Staff Therapist

Parents, Stop Helping Your Kids!

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:37:59 GMT

by Brandon Schmidt, MA, LMFT-S, PCIT

As parents, we would do anything for our children. We would climb the highest mountain and we would swim the deepest depths because we want the best for them. Our children are our responsibility and we hope that we are raising them to be healthy individuals who will be productive members of society. However, even with the best intentions, our children still stray from the path that we are hoping for them.

Good parents love their children. Good parents want the best for their children. And good parents try to give their children all the skills they need to survive in life. Yet, it should be the child's desire to walk in the reassurance of that love, to be confident in that encouragement, and to take what they have learned and not just survive but to thrive. You see, we should strive to do what is healthy and best for them and most of the time, we do. But often times parents forget that one of the most empowering words that their child needs to hear is "No."

Let's be honest, we as parents, we have a hand in who are kids have become or who they are becoming. Yet, at some point, they have to own their decisions and live up to the expectations that make them healthy or not. And we as parents, we must learn when to say "No" because we can have all the great intentions in the world, yet as the saying goes: "The pathway to Hell is paved with good intentions." Occasionally, we as parents, we can love our kids too much.

We can love our kids too much? You might ask. That can't be right?! Can it?? Well, if our idea of helping our children is to give them money to pay their rent when they have gambled their paycheck away. Or to buy them a new car in hopes that they can find a job and escape their drug addiction. Or when your child's teacher informs you of behavior issues in class or a laziness in completing school work, and you spend more time scolding the teacher than reprimanding your child. If these are our ideas for helping our children, then please parents, stop helping your kids!

So how do we empower our kids to live up to their potentials and stop living for selfish gains? Set good solid boundaries with your kids.

Here are 4 tips that will help you get there:

Define your boundaries. To develop boundaries for yourself, you have to know what you value, think and where you stand. This is not always easy to define, but it’s so important that your child knows who you are and what you believe. This doesn’t mean you should be rigid; it means you communicate your personal values and stick to them. If your value is to be honest, for example, then talk it and walk it. Kids are guided in life by watching what you do, which often makes more of an impression than what you say.
Make your expectations known. Make a list of what you expect for yourself in relation to your kids. Think about what you can and can’t live with; think through what matters most to you. Is it responsibility, loyalty, respect? If it’s helpful for you, write it out. Tell your kids what your guiding principles are. Notice in coming up with this list that you are not attempting to control your child but rather, you are taking charge of yourself. If one of your principles is “respect” and your son is frequently rude to you and calls you names, let him know the consequence he can expect from you each time that happens. Let him see that you respect yourself and will follow through. This is different than trying to “make him” speak the way you want him to. You’re giving him the choice, but you’re holding him accountable.
Get your focus on yourself instead of your child. When your child is acting poorly and not listening to you, think about how you can more clearly communicate what you expect—and hold her accountable when she doesn’t listen. Try to say things in a way that conveys that you mean business; expect to be listened to and taken seriously. As difficult as it is to look at yourself openly and honestly, it will help you to stop doing the impossible—which is like hitting your head against the wall as you try in vain to control your child. Instead it will open you to the possibility of taking charge of yourself. By doing this, you will be continuing your own growth. Your own self-knowledge and maturity will help lead your kids to find theirs.
Let your child feel the impact of a crossed boundary. Help your kids experience the impact of crossing boundaries so that it becomes part of their reality. Admit when you have crossed someone else’s boundary and apologize for it. And when your kids cross one, let them know and hold them accountable. Let’s say you promise your child that you’ll drive him to the movies after he does his chores—but he plays video games instead. If you follow through by not driving him, your child will experience the consequences, and will come to understand on a deep level what you expect for yourself. He will know that you respect yourself and mean what you say. Eventually, he will learn good boundaries for himself and how to respect others, as well.

Without healthy boundaries, without the empowering presence of the word "No", and without the experience of failure, what you call "love" or "acceptance" becomes a license for chaos and entitlement in your child's life. Your child needs you to set boundaries, they need you to establish rules. They might never say this you , as parents, but I hear it often from my teenage clients: They want you to be consistent and follow through with consequences. Let's stop "helping" our kids and start empowering them.

Author: Brandon Schmidt, MA, LMFT-S, PCIT. Brandon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an Approved Supervisor in the State of Oklahoma. He is also a Certified Parent-Child Interaction Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Pincus, Debbie. Parental Roles: How to Set Healthy Boundaries with Your Child. Empowering Parents, July 2015, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/parental-roles-how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-with-your-chi... . Accessed 11 February 2017.

The “G” Word

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:35:49 GMT

by Vicky Hampton, LADC, NCC, LPC

“Grief is like surfing. Sometimes you feel steady and your able to ride the waves, and other times the surf comes crashing down on you, pushing you so far under water that you’re sure you’ll drown.” Brene’ Brown

I can remember as a young child grieving seemed foreign, scary, and secretive. It was never discussed except by the adults with adults. Never were we kids told about the feelings associated with losing a loved one or a pet, or a friend that moved away. These feelings were never explored or even validated. So, what I’ve realized after many years now is how ill prepared I was with all the emotions that come with grief.

We don’t talk about grief enough. I’ve also come to realize that grief comes in many forms. In fact, I believe that every time we experience a transition there is a loss. A loss of something – retirement from a long held job, loss of the old home place when we move, a loss of the way an old car sounded when we started it, a loss of the first pet we ever loved, a loss when our grandchildren grow up. Other conflicting emotions come with financial change, divorce, loss of trust, loss of safety, and loss of control over one’s body as we age, loss of love for God when we are angry at Him. Loss is inevitable and it’s important that we recognize these losses as grief. In fact there are 43 losses which can produce the range of emotions we call grief.

According to the Grief Recovery Method (GRM), “grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” “Conflicting” as in the example of losing a loved one after a long illness; you feel a sense of relief that the suffering is over which is a positive feeling, however, at the same time you realize you can no longer see or touch or speak to that person and this is a painful feeling. These conflicting feelings, relief and pain, are totally normal in response to death.

I certainly can relate to the conflict I felt losing my dad to cancer. He was no longer in pain, but he was no longer around for me to present his first grandchild. I can relate it to my grandmother’s death at 83. She was not ill anymore but she wasn’t around for me to talk chickens.

The death of a loved one produces emotions that can be described as the “feeling of reaching out for someone who has always been there, only to find that when we need them one more time, he/she is no longer there” – GRM. I wanted to reach out to my dad when I needed him to teach my child how to play baseball. I yearned for him. I was disappointed, sad, angry and confused as to why he was not. I realize I had not grieved his death. I did not know how.

Grief is normal and natural. “Grief is about a broken heart, not a broken brain” – GRM. All efforts to heal the head fail because the head is the wrong tool for the job. Working through the way we feel is the key to recovery. Recovery means claiming your circumstances versus your circumstances claiming you and your happiness. More importantly recovery means “acquiring the skills that we should have been taught in childhood,” GRM. These skills allow us to deal with loss directly. I kept the loss in my head and trained my brain to distract, accept, and move on. Needless to say, this did not work.

When we are lacking in grief recovery skills over time unresolved grief becomes cumulative. It compounds – one on top of the other. Therefore no matter what the cause, recovery can become a lifelong negative impact on our ability to be happy. This discovery was crucial for me when I started therapy many years ago. I had many unresolved grief issues – all revolving around transition, loss and my lack of understanding of it all. However, when I learned to grieve I was able to resolve many compounded emotions and move to comfort, understanding, and a strong desire to pass on what I’ve learned.

One good thing is that it is never too soon or too late (in my case) to address grief. I think it’s why with my clients I discuss loss and probe what grieving looks like and means to them. It seems to be a gage to uncover what the GRM calls Short Term Energy Relieving behaviors or STERBS. STERBS look like addiction (food, alcohol, shopping, sex, gambling), isolation, anger, workaholism, self mutilization, suicide ideation, etc. These short term energy relievers represent how we automatically seek relief and they create an illusion of working to help us feel better. But as we all know, these STERBS can result in long term dissolution of well-being.

Grievers need and want to talk about their losses. Talking keeps the STERBS at bay. However, the way we talk about it is key: “Don’t cry” – means don’t feel bad. “We will get you a new dog” – means replace the loss. “Don’t feel bad, he’s in a better place” – means you must be happy. “We have to be strong for your mom” – means suck it up and don’t show your feelings. These words example how we use our brain not our hearts. We cannot intellectualize emotions. It is dangerous and counterproductive with grieving people. Cause is intellectual – reaction is emotional. Don’t use these words or phrases with someone grieving.

Grief is simply one of the toughest emotions we encounter in life. It’s individual and unique. It’s important that recovery from grief or loss is achieved by a series of small and correct action choices made by the griever. Choosing completion and recovery rather than isolation and avoidance is essential for moving through the emotional pain of grief.

Six Myths of Grief: Time heals all wounds

Grieve alone
Be strong
Don’t feel bad
Replace the loss
Keep busy

Definitions:

Bereavement – state of having lost a significant person through death.
Mourning – refers to the public expressions of grief.
Acute grief – the destressing initial response to loss during which the griever may experience shock, disbelief, anguish, sadness, fear, and separation distress.
Adaptive grief - a period which the griever faces the reality of the loss and rebuilds his or her life.
Integrative grief – the griever begins to assimilate the death into his or her life narrative with restorative movement toward life without the diseased.
Complicated grief – a protracted, debilitating, sometimes life-threatening response to the death of a loved one.

Bibliography:

The Grief Recovery Handbook, John W. James & Russell Friedman.

Grief - A Tangled Ball of Emotions
H. Norman Wright (original source unknown)

Image used by permission

Wholehearted Living

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:34:01 GMT

by Vicky Hampton, LADC, NCC, LPC

We all grew up in hearing about kindness, giving, love, truth, following, and wholeheartedness. Most of those things I instilled into my belief system and based my values around those virtues. I really liked that word “wholehearted,” It sounded so nice, warm, and comforting. Be wholehearted and get to Heaven, right? So I decided I’d be wholehearted.

Well was I misguided! My idea of wholeheartedness was off and I didn’t figure it out until I was about 55.

According to Brene’ Brown’s research the following is what it takes to be wholehearted. Taken from her book “The Gifts of Imperfection” she says:

We start with ourselves. We roll up our sleeves, dig deep, lean in, form our team, be all in and fight in our arena.
We experience love and belonging.
We create courage, compassion and connection.
We become enough – we feel it, we think it, we believe it.
We become shame resilient – move away from fear, blame, and disconnection.
Cultivate authenticity – let go of who we think we are and embrace who we are.
Practice self-compassion – let go of perfectionism.
Become resilient – overcoming adversity. Create a sense of purpose, meaning and perspective.
Cultivate gratitude and joy – let go of scarcity ad fear of the dark.
We address our intuition and trust faith - let go of the need for certainty.
Be creative – let go of comparison. Creativity is the expression of our originality.
We play and rest – forget being a status symbol and find self-worth.
We practice calm and silence – let go of anxiety and restlessness.
Find meaningful work – let go of self-doubt and supposed to's?
Use laughter, song and dance – stop being cool and always in control.

Owning our story and loving ourselves through the process is the bravest thing we will ever do.” Brene’ Brown.

My struggle with this list was letting go of perfectionism and practicing self-compassion. What? Not do for everyone else, be there for everyone else? Not go bigger, harder and faster? Stop going all out to be the best, do the best, and settle for nothing short of first place? In pondering all those questions, I finally got it - I don’t practice self-compassion. I’m a perfectionist. However I felt conflicted – I thought wow that’s great – I’m such a hard worker and I get most everything done perfectly. How can that be a negative? But then I realized……. I was tired - physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Fifty-five years of being a perfectionist - doing all the things I thought I was “supposed to do” at the expense of me. Some would call it co-dependency.

It’s when I closed Ms. Brown’s book and closely read the title it hit me: “Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.” Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.

I set out on a journey to find out how my co-dependent, perfectionistic truth came to be. I recalled that as a child I was not encouraged to feel worthy. It was: be more, be smarter, be faster, look prettier, be stronger, stop being shy, act nicer, and so on. The story I created in my head was “you’ll never measure up unless you do better.” As a result I never felt good enough. I always second guessed my efforts and would exhaust myself to all ends trying to present a perfect product. When I told myself I would be the best, I would be good enough, I’d measure up, and I’d show them. Little did I know I was proving, not feeling: I wasn't ever trusting that I was worthy. I also heard “you're selfish if you only think of yourself,” which was another untrue story entrenched in my brain.

Christopher K. Germer - “A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day.
A string of such moments can change the course of your life.”

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion has three elements: self-kindness – being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate; common humanity – recognizes that suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are a part of the shared human experience; and mindfulness - taking a balanced approach to negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.

“When we are kind to ourselves, we create compassion that we can extend to others” resigned with me. I had to go back to the story created in my head. I believe now I created a conspiracy in which I became stuck. It’s what Ms. Brown calls the “SFD’s” – " '$#!??%' first drafts." I conspired and lived out the story of being perfect. After all my parents wanted my life to turn out better than theirs had. How could I not live up to that? All the while I had created a first draft that my cognitive brain played over and over in every situation that I was in. If someone looked at me wrong I thought I had screwed up. Oh, the self-defeat, the negative self-talk, and the "$#!??%" way I’d keep myself feeling. I believe my anxiety was born in these unhealthy stories.

“When we are kind to ourselves, we create compassion that we can extend to others” I repeated it over and over. I vowed to be kind to me for the next half of my life. I changed my brain from "$#!??%" thinking to healthier, self- preservation, and self-compassionate thinking. I became healthier mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. I am incredibly less anxious and worried. My self-compassion comes in the way of my new stories that include joy, nature, laughter, gratitude, beauty in the world, self-nurturing, happy people, knowledge and resiliency. I put them at the top of the list of things I value most in my life. And they are for me . I now believe with no doubt that self-compassion has been the greatest asset to my practice, my family connections, and friendships. I gave up perfectionism and only use it to remind me that imperfection is my perfection. It truly has been a gift.

I want to encourage everyone to give themselves this gift of self-compassion. It is true that when we are kind to ourselves, we create compassion that we can extend to others. Ms. Brown’s books came to me at a critical time in my life. I hope that by my sharing only pieces of them, I can pass it forward. Wait, isn’t that wholehearted living?

BIBILIOGRAPHY:

The Gifts of Imperfection
The Daring Way
Rising Strong
Author: Brene’ Brown

Memories...

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:30:18 GMT

As many of you may know, Bill Spence was one of the founding partners at TLCC. He was a big part of visioneering TLCC, and his work in our offices, for a little more than ten years, impacted many lives for the better. As we began the blog section of our website, Bill was nearing the end of his fight with cancer. We wanted to set up a tribute section under his name, so that his family, former clients, colleagues,and friends might be able to reflect on some of the ways he impacted people's lives.If you have something you would like to submit, please email it to MichelleGarrettLMFT@gmail.com and put "Bill Spence" in the subject line of your email. We can put your name, however, because of the confidential nature of our work, we will not include full names of former clients.

"The strongest image I have of Bill is that he was a silent warrior. Always ready to stand in the gap to protect and serve others. In my friendship with Bill, he was a light at the end of the tunnel; which I believe is true, not just for me, but for the many who were blessed to know him. He will be missed, but remembered with warmth and gratitude."

-Becky, former client

"During my first five years at TLCC, my office was directly across the hall from Bill's. He was pretty quiet most of the time. In fact, one time I tried to liven things up by shooting a nerf dart into his office. He wasn't as playful. ;) But, I will tell you, he did something every Monday night that I will never forget. As he was locking up to head home around 8pm, he would call his elderly Father to check in. So, for years, on Monday Nights, the last words I would hear from Bill, were "Hi Pop. How are ya doing?" Simple acts, done regularly, communicate care and importance. I think I am going to do a better job of implementing this in my own life.

-Michelle Garrett

Two things I admired about Bill, besides his business acumen, were his respectfulness and professionalism. You always knew that he was "on top" of things. But underneath, there was a sweetness about him that began to show more after his surgery. When I would see him in the kitchen he would say, "Hi Margene!" and give me a big hug. He was a stellar human being.

Last week when I went to take food to Jolee, she introduced me to her sister and brother-in-law and showed me her butterfly garden. As I left, she stood in the doorway of her house, dog in hand, and said, "Don't forget about me!" It melted my heart. She's lost the love of her life, and TLCC has lost it's sweet Bill.

-Margene

I have known Bill and JoLee since I was a child, and have often felt admiration for both of them. Over the years, I watched Bill achieve success in whatever he invested in. From my observation, his transition into counseling was the most beautiful part of his life's journey. This had a great impact on me, and played a significant role in my own story to become a counselor. I will always remember with fondness Bill's quiet confidence. He will be deeply missed.

-Kristen Caldwe ll

"Bill Spence was such a force in my life… He walked through some very dark places with me, always reassuring me that I was going to be okay with his soft, caring way. He reminded me who I was to Jesus and set a foundation for me to not only be loved by others, but also to be loved by myself. I will never forget Bill and my family and the generations behind us will be better because of the help he gave me. He helped me be a better man, father, husband and Christian." - -Former Client of Bill's

"When I started at TLCC I was unsure what to expect in a new environment with new co-workers. I was admittedly a bit intimidated." Since I began at TLCC I have come to feel more at ease and right at home. I have Bill to thank for that (along with all of my co-workers). Bill, who was quiet but always polite (now I know, he was very humble), referred some of former clients to me. Knowing that Bill had the confidence in me to pass his former clients, who were again seeking services, meant more than he probably knew. Not only did Bill refer to me, he made the time to consult with me regarding each client. Knowing the high regards Bill’s friends family and former clients held him in, I take this a major compliment. Bill has left quiet the impression on many people, he certainly did me."

-Caleb Scoville

"When I first reached out for a counselor, I was timid, nervous and a bit angry. Once, I met with Bill, my complete demeanor changed. He was friendly, welcoming and put me at ease. I met with Bill for at least 4 years. Meeting with Bill would be the highlight of my weeks and month. The biggest lesson Bill engrained in me was to forgive myself and to love myself. Those lessons are something that nobody can take away from me and I will carry with me the rest of my life. I am in by no means an expert in these two things but he has helped lead me down that path, sometimes carrying me, walking with me, laughing, crying and celebrating with me. He was hands down the most influential person in my life. Bill will be deeply missed. I take heart in knowing I will see him again. I bet he will take a p** break before we meet though."

- Former Client of Bill's

A New Day

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:28:15 GMT

by Kyle McGraw

For over a decade, Transforming Life Counseling Center (TLCC) has provided quality counseling through an informed Christian perspective. Our diverse team of therapists offers services for those needing individual, relationship and/or group therapy. In our offices, transformation from hurting to healing occurs through counseling, consultation, education, prevention, mediation and mentoring by our highly-skilled and committed, licensed counselors. Outside our offices, we partner with churches, medical doctors, school counselors and other local community resources, in an effort to provide the best possible care.

We have seasoned therapists trained in addictions, trauma, relational, including a PCIT room for Parent Child Interactional Therapy. Additionally, we also offer training for pre-licensed counselors, enabling us to provide lower cost counseling to our community, in a closely supervised environment.

In an effort to touch more lives in our community, TLCC has begun a "A New Day," our newsletter, focusing on relevant mental health issues and encouraging articles in order to inform and inspire. Here we also wish to pass on the following resources to our community:

Link to our new therapist's blog on various topics in the field of mental health.
Inspiring, Christ-centered, and encouraging articles
Resources, books and websites that our team and clients are finding useful in their lives.
A News section to including upcoming classes/groups offered by our therapists; and a sneak peak into the various trainings our staff attends in order to stay updated in our field.

Under new leadership and with our new additions to our staff we stand ready to help individuals of all ages, couples and families find renewal and change for an improved quality of life. If you or a loved one are in need of an appointment, please feel free to contact us at 405-246-5433.

Kyle McGraw, LPC, LADC

Owner and Director

Transforming Life Counseling Center

In Memoriam…

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:27:10 GMT

In deep sorrow, we want to inform you of the death of our colleague and dear friend, Bill Spence, LPC. He was one of the founding partners of Transforming Life Counseling Center and very dear and trusted friend. But, to many who may be reading this, he was also a deeply wise and caring counselor, who walked through the healing journey with many, many people.

Bill Spence defined whole-hearted living. Each and every one of us here at TLCC observed him live that through his dedication to his family, friends, clients, and the community.

In the Fall of 2016, after surviving a long and courageous battle with cancer, Bill selflessly passed on his leadership role at TLCC. His goal was to overcome cancer and focus on his family, his health and return to continue to work with his clients. Throughout the Fall and Winter months, he fought the good fight with his wife Jolee, who was tirelessly by his side. He continued, as time and health would permit, to work with his clients. Early Monday morning, Bill passed away in his sleep and is in Heaven today.

Bill’s story is amazing. Many of you know that Bill spent the first 30+ years of his professional life as an Executive in four different industries, from family owned businesses to Fortune 500 companies before he returning to college to start a career in counseling. Thus, meeting his strong desire to give back to the community.

Bill had a heart for marriages and counseled couples experiencing life stressors, including the pangs that often come with marriage. He worked with adolescents and adults, integrating psychology and spirituality, to assist in each person's growth and healing. Bill utilized his professional experience and education in assisting adolescents and adults by preparing them for career development or work and life changes. He was well-versed in assessment instruments and counseling, bringing the most complete experience of treatment to his clients. He was able to bring his experience in business, human resources, and counseling together to offer businesses and churches consultation in organizational behavior and management training. Bill certainly provided a well-rounded approach to healing and personal growth.

Bill was a member of the American Mental Health Counselors Association, Oklahoma Counseling Association and Oklahoma Mental Health Counselors Association. He served on the Board for several Not-for-Profit companies and held many different positions in church laity ministry over the years. Additionally, he could be heard on the radio every Thursday morning where he responded to a variety of relationship issues callers shared with him. He was the voice of the weekly Relationship Thursday talk show with KTST, at 101.9, in Oklahoma City.

Bill and his wife Jolee were a great team and have participated in many significant ways at TLCC since day one. It was obvious they shared a passion for giving back. Jolee has always been regular here and is the voice of TLCC as she answers the main telephone line and serves as our billing specialist. She has been the gateway for our community members getting the help they seek. Jolee's quiet, competent, loyal and caring presence, though, was most evident in the love and care she offered to her husband of 40 years. The connection we saw when they were together was inspiring and endearing! What a gift.

We acknowledge that many who are receiving this Newsletter were among those whose lives have been counseled, guided, and supported by Bill. He deeply cared and was truly committed to his clients. There is a saying that reflects how we all feel about having had Bill in our lives. “When we have a meaningful encounter with another human being our lives are forever changed, uniquely leaving an imprint in our hearts and lives that cannot be taken away.” We celebrate that with unending gratitude.

Bill,

Thank you. Our lives are better because you were a part of them. TLCC extends the deepest of gratitude for your time in our lives and in the life of TLCC. Thank you, Jolee for fighting the good fight, every step of the way with Bill. We have been honored in knowing and serving with you both – experiencing the dedication, diligence, strength, bravery, and love you both selflessly gave all these years.

We rest in assurance that Bill is in good hands with God. We ask everyone to keep Jolee along with her and Bill’s two children, Brian and Keri Jo, and their families (including seven grandchildren) in your thoughts and prayers.

The Apostle Paul said, "There are sighs that are too deep for words." For those who knew and loved you Bill, this is one of those times. You will be missed.

Your TLCC Family

Should friends desire, contributions may be sent in Bill's memory to Stephenson Cancer Center, in the Head and Neck Unit, 800 NE 10th, OKC, OK 73104. Flowers are also welcome and may be sent to Baggerly Funeral Home, 930 South Broadway, Edmond, OK 73034.

Effective Therapy with Children: Parent-Child Interaction Therapy

Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:25:01 GMT

by Laurie Skow, LPC, LADC, CSAT-C and Brandon Schmidt, LMFT-S, PCIT

“Parent-Child Interaction Therapy has helped me be a more consistent and confident parent. I love the focus on the positive. It has taught me how to show love to my children in a way that builds trust. When done correctly, it does yield measurable positive changes in the child’s behavior. It is the best training I have received as a foster parent and would actually recommend it for all parents.”

-Lisa, mother of a child following her experience with PCIT while working with Brandon Schmidt, LMFT at TLCC. (Name changed to protect confidentiality)

Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT) is a short-term, specialized behavior management program designed for young children and their families experiencing behavioral and/or emotional difficulties. PCIT works with the child and caregiver to improve overall behavior and to reduce parenting stress. PCIT has been found to help children who have any of the following:

frequent temper tantrums
act defiantly and/or refuse to follow directions
back talk or sass adults
whine and/or cry easily
are experiencing adjustment problems i.e. divorce, death or separation
constantly seek attention
interrupt others
short attention span
engage in power struggles with parents/caregivers
difficulty behaving in school, preschool and/or daycare
are aggressive, who hit, throw things and express great anger
may already be on medication to manage behavioral problems

Benefits of PCIT

Children with challenging behaviors often have difficulty at home, in childcare, and within the school setting. Caregivers report problems going out in public i.e going to the store, restaurants, etc., thus creating increased stress/tension between them and their children. Unfortunately, children rarely outgrow many of the difficult behaviors. Should their behaviors continue or increase, they are likely to interfere with the children's learning abilities and development of appropriate social skills. Due to the clinical benefits of PCIT, the Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation (2004) has determined “PCIT to be one of three ‘best practices’ for working with children with a history of behavioral problems.”1

“Positive changes in the children's behaviors have been seen in the home, in childcare, and within the school setting after beginning PCIT services. These same behavior changes have also been noted in the siblings of children participating in PCIT. PCIT has been proven to be highly effective in helping caregivers build warm and responsive relationships with their children, improving overall behavior, and reducing parenting stress. Upon completion of PCIT, parents report high levels of satisfaction, decreased aggression, and positive changes in their child’s attention to task and overall compliance to commands.”2

Deciding if PCIT is right for you as a parent...

PCIT is designed for young children between the ages of 2 and 7 years

PCIT has been successful with…

Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and aggressive behaviors
Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Children experiencing adjustment problems
Children impacted by substance abuse or parental abuse/neglect
Children in foster care placement or recently adopted or recently reunited with parents

PCIT is designed for…

Parents who feel overwhelmed by their child's behavior
Parents who feel angry at their child
Parents who have a child with an opposing temperament from their own
Parents who feel their child is out of control

PCIT is well-supported by research evidence as reported by the California Evidence-Based Clearinghouse for Child Welfare (2011) and PCIT is endorsed by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Goals of PCIT

improve parent/caregiver-child relationships
improve children's cooperation
increase children's abilities to manage frustration and anger
increase children's appropriate social skills
improve children's attention skills
build children's self-esteem
increase parenting skills
decrease caregiver's stress

A final goal for PCIT is to help the child learn to listen and mind. As a PCIT therapist, “Our goal is for your child to leave treatment minding you the first time you tell them to do something, and minding you quickly and nicely. I know that may be very hard to believe, and we do not mind a challenge. We have seen many, many children, and what we know is that if you are willing to work as hard as we are willing to work, then with rare exception this program can be extremely successful.”3

"PCIT works, hands down. My daughter, Emma, struggled for several years with extreme emotional outbursts lasting often up to an hour, in addition to other challenging behaviors. I knew we both needed help. Our counselor, Laurie, recommended PCIT and went over everything involved. The first part, child interactive therapy, heightened and gave me tools to engage more positively with Emma, and she has just eaten this up! The second part, parent interactive therapy, has been a tough but completely rewarding road. Emma has made amazing progress learning to listen and obey, and with both parts of the therapy working together, Emma has such a better handle on her emotions and so do I! We are so thankful for PCIT. " - Jennifer, (Name changed to protect confidentiality ) mother of a child, following her experience with PCIT with Laurie Skow, LPC, at TLCC.

1 Ewing Marion Kauffman Foundation. “Closing the Quality Chasm in Child Abuse Treatment: Identifying and Disseminating Best Practices. 2004. http://www.chadwickcenter.org/Documents/Kaufman%20Report/ChildHosp-NCTAbrochure.pdf

2Eyberg, S., & Robinson, E.A. (1982). Parent-Child Interaction Training: Effects on Family Functioning. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 11(2) 130-137.

3 Funderburk & Gurwitch, CCAN/OUHSC. “Introduction to Parent-Child Interaction Therapy: A Sample description of PCIT for a new client.” 2006.

www.PCIT.org

Authors: Laurie Skow, MS, LPC, LADC, CSAT-C. Laurie is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor. She is also a trained Parent-Child Interaction Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Candidate. Laurie is a clinical member of Transforming Life Counseling Center. Brandon Schmidt, MA, LMFT-S, PCIT. Brandon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an Approved MFT Supervisor in the State of Oklahoma. He is also a trained Parent-Child Interaction Therapist and clinical member of Transforming Life Counseling Center.

Additional Parenting Resources:

Gary Chapman, Ross Campbell, M.D. (1997). The five love languages of children. Moody.

Elmore, Tim. (2014). 12 Huge Mistakes Parent Can Avoid. Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers.

Faber, A., & Mazlish, E. (2002). How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. New York: Harper Collins.

Nelson, J. (1996). Positive discipline. New York: Ballantine Books.

Tripp, Paul. (2011). Getting to the Heart of Parenting (Conference DVD). Paul Tripp Ministries, Inc.

Using Kindness as a Powerful Force

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:21:01 GMT

by Peggy Owens

Peggy Owens, PT, MPH, MFR Therapist is one of the professionals in the Edmond area that our staff refers to in an effort to augment our work with our clients. She is a Physical Therapist who specializes in Myofascial Release Therapy, which has been proven very effective for injuries, chronic pain, autoimmune disorders, amongst other things. She accepts many insurances and can be contacted at www.naturalhealingbalance.com .

Originally featured in www.naturalawakeningsokc.com

Rebuilding a Marriage Better than New

bob@netprollc.co (Bob Peterson) — Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:17:32 GMT

by Cindy Beall

Cindy Beall is a local author, mentor, speaker and wife, to Pastor Chris Beall at Life.Church. She is a huge advocate for marriage, especially marriages rebuilding following infidelity. She recently released a book that TLCC would like to highlight.

What's better than new? God's best. You've made a commitment to see your marriage healed, so now what? Whether your relationship is recovering from an affair, pornography addiction, or just years of coasting, Cindy Beall shares from her redeemed-marriage journey to help you:

Trust completely in God's ability and grace
Heal deeply by restoring faith in a future
Build wisely from the foundation up
Live fully by embracing your renewed relationship
Invest generously in your marriage and in other people

Insightful questions, biblical teachings to counter lies, and stories of rebuilt marriages lead you to God's healing and the hope of helping others from the place you once had deep pain.

"Cindy Beall provides undeniable proof that God is a Redeemer, regardless of how messy, difficult, or painful our current relationships are."

-Lisa Harper, Best-selling author and Bible Teacher

"I'm a massive Cindy Beall fan. If your relationship needs a tune-up or a complete overhaul, read this book with an open heart, and I believe God will do a new work in you." Craig Groeschel, Senior Pastor of Life.Church

Cindy Beall is a speaker, mentor, and the author of Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken. Cindy and her husband, Chris, walked through infidelity and found healing through Christ. Today they minister at Life.Church in Oklahoma. Cindy also serves on the Leading and Loving It team that ministers to pastors' wives and women in ministry. www.CindyBeall.com

Groups Offered at TLCC...

Thu, 06 Sep 2018 15:15:49 GMT

The Men's Recovery Therapy Group is a weekly process group designed to address lifestyle issues for many who have completed a primary treatment experience in residential or intensive outpatient programs for mental health and or substance abuse. Relapse prevention, life style changes, developing healthy relationships post drug, alcohol and other mental health difficulties are a primary focus of this aftercare group. Cost is $40 per session and a 12 week commitment is expected. An intake session is required prior to beginning the group. These groups meet on Tuesday at 7:30 pm. Call 761-1740 for more information.

Men's Sexual Health and Recovery Group meets weekly at 7:20 am to 8:30 AM on Thursdays. The healing concepts followed in this group covers recovery from sexual addiction, relational affairs, infidelity, pornography and other sexual obsessions. Patrick Carnes' materials on "Out of the Shadows," and "Don't call it Love," are used in the recovery process. An intake counseling session is required prior to attending the group. Cost is $40 per week with a minimum of a 12 week commitment. Call 761-1740 for more information.

Waking Up to Connection and Presence Group: This 6-week group will focus on developing awareness of presence: Our own, others and the Presence of God. We will tune into current experience, using breath, movement and mindfulness practices that foster compassion for self and empathy for others. It will include topics such as cultivating acceptance, practicing present awareness, the pillars of healthy relationships, relational styles, communication, and forgiveness and reconciliation. The group meets on Mondays from April 10- May 15, from 6-7:30pm. The cost is $40 per week or $220 if paid in full by the first session. Please call 405-919-7124 for more information.

Articles from TLCC

TLCC wishing you a Merry Christmas

Celebrating Caleb Scoville and Our Partnership with the Hough Ear Institute

PRIME Yourself for the Holiday Season

What Does P.R.I.M.E. Stand For?

How to Apply P.R.I.M.E. When You’re Heading Into a Stressful Holiday Gathering

﻿

Another reduction strategy is seeking out someone who helps you feel calmer or more supported. A short, positive interaction can lower the intensity of your emotions.

Think about what emotion you want to feel, maybe gratitude, curiosity, or connection, and choose one small action that moves you toward it.

Maintenance is about preserving the emotional gains you’ve already made.

Enhancing is about letting the good expand rather than merely survive.

Getting in the Holiday Spirit by Giving

Navigating Holiday Stress and Finding Peace

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Strengthening Our Community Through Education: A Year of Learning at TLCC

Ducks and Budgets

By Corey DeGiacomo, MS, LMFT-Candidate

A Duck Metaphor for Understanding Anxiety

De-stress this summer

By Courtney Reasoner, LPC

Persevering During Difficult Times

By, Kay Gackle, LMFT

From the Counselor’s Couch...

by, Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT ﻿

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

“Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you from Transforming Life Counseling Center. May your Holidays and New Year be blessed!”

There’s no such thing as a Perfect Holiday, even for Children

By Victoria Scoville, LCSW, IMH-E®

The Effects of Holiday Rituals: Warm Nostalgia or Holiday Blues?

By Cindy Rose, M.A., LPC-C

Coping with Grief and Chronic Illness During the Holidays

By Caleb Scoville, LPC-S

The Gratitude Challenge

by Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

Resources

Recent Trainings and Resources

Trust

By Dr. Pamela Forducey, Ph.D. ABRP

Challenging the Stigma: Supporting Men's Mental Health

By Chris Nash, MA, LPC

The Brilliance of ADHD in Children

By Kelsie Howard, MCP, LPC ﻿

Support Through Connection

By Caleb Scoville, MS, LPC

Recent Trainings and Resources

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Are You A Birdwatcher?

By Lou Ann Moore, M.Ed., LPC

How Do I Know We’re Going to Make It Together? Relationship Foundation

By Jarod Allen, LPC

The Research

Unpacking the Research on Commitment

Suicide Awareness and Prevention

Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

Awareness

Prevention and Intervention - How to talk to someone who is depressed or potentially suicidal and identify risk:

Additional Action Steps for Helping Someone in Emotional Pain from National Institute of Mental Health's website https://www.nimh.nih.gov :

A note for Believers to the broken-hearted:

Building Hope through Support Groups

By Caleb Scoville, LPC-S ﻿

Infants, Young Children, and Mental Health

By Victoria Scoville, MSW, LCSW, IMH-E®

Infant Mental Health Specialist, Endorsed Reflective Supervisor

Recent Trainings and Resources

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

The Effects of Holiday Rituals: Warm Nostalgia or Holiday Blues?

Managing Loss During the Holidays

What’s in Your Bag?

Practicing Gratefulness… Noticing and Appreciating the Good

Trainings and Resources

Fixing Fatigue May Help Fight Depression, Robert Spencer, MD

Amen Clinics

Introducing New Faces at TLCC

Changing faces: Continued vision of excellence and care

Meet the New Owners…

Feeling the Graduation Feels

By Kristen Hatton, LPC Candidate

What can we learn from Cancer Patients?

By Caleb Scoville, LPC

by, Michelle Garrett, MS, LMFT

By Kelsie Howard, MCP, LPC

By Caleb Scoville, LPC-S

By: Michael Cross, LPC

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