PRIME Yourself for the Holiday Season

It’s that time of year! The season when stress runs high as the year wraps up, presents need to be purchased, food needs to be prepared, and gatherings start filling the calendar. With all of this happening at once, many people find themselves navigating difficult emotions—especially when heading into holiday events that may already feel overwhelming. So it might be helpful to talk about how to prime yourself for this time of year.

No—this is not an ad for Amazon Prime. I’m talking about a different kind of “prime.” Specifically, I’m talking about the acronym P.R.I.M.E., a helpful mnemonic device developed by Marc Brackett, a well-known researcher on emotional regulation. He offers P.R.I.M.E. as a way to help you conceptualize, on a broad scale, how to support healthy emotional regulation. So let’s dive in.

What Does P.R.I.M.E. Stand For?

When it comes to regulating our emotions, it’s important to approach things from multiple angles. There isn’t one single strategy that will solve every negative emotional experience.

P – Prevent the negative emotional experience.
It’s most effective to start before strong negative emotions emerge. Think about what you can put in place ahead of time to reduce or soften difficult feelings.

R – Reduce the negative emotional experience.
Negative emotions will still happen, even when we’ve tried to prevent them. That’s why it’s essential to have strategies ready for when those feelings inevitably arise.

I – Initiate a more desired emotional experience.
Sometimes reducing a feeling isn’t enough. At times, we need to intentionally create a more positive or tolerable emotional experience. This means identifying what you want to feel and taking steps to move toward it.

M – Maintain the more desirable emotional experience.
Once a positive emotional experience has been initiated, do what you can to keep it going and prevent negative emotions from overtaking it.

E – Enhance the desirable emotional experience.
This means adding to the positive feeling to make it richer and more robust—not just stable, but thriving.

How to Apply P.R.I.M.E. When You’re Heading Into a Stressful Holiday Gathering

Let’s walk through the acronym step-by-step using one familiar scenario: attending a holiday gathering you know will be stressful. Maybe there’s a difficult family dynamic, an overwhelming environment, or simply too many expectations.

Prevent.
Before you even step into the gathering, focus on prevention. Prioritize sleep the night before, eat a balanced meal beforehand, and give yourself extra time to get ready so you’re not rushing in an already tense situation.
You can also mentally prepare by thinking through what might be stressful and planning around it. For example, set boundaries about how long you’ll stay or decide ahead of time which topics you won’t engage in. Prevention is about reducing the emotional load before it builds.



Reduce.
Once you’re in the gathering, stress may still arise—and that’s okay. Reduction strategies help you manage those moments. If you feel overwhelmed, take a brief walk outside or step into a quieter room to breathe. You might use grounding or mindfulness techniques to acknowledge the discomfort without judging it.

Another reduction strategy is seeking out someone who helps you feel calmer or more supported. A short, positive interaction can lower the intensity of your emotions.

Initiate.
After you’ve reduced the distress, you can intentionally initiate a more desired emotional experience. This might involve shifting your focus to something pleasant, like enjoying a favorite dish, engaging in a lighthearted conversation, or noticing moments of warmth or humor in the room.

Think about what emotion you want to feel, maybe gratitude, curiosity, or connection, and choose one small action that moves you toward it.

Maintain.
Once you’ve cultivated a more positive emotional state, do what you can to maintain it. You might avoid conversations that traditionally don’t go well, or keep physically close to people who help you stay grounded. You may even give yourself permission to leave early to protect your wellbeing.

Maintenance is about preserving the emotional gains you’ve already made.

Enhance.
If you’re feeling relatively stable and positive, you can take steps to enhance that experience. This could mean deepening a meaningful conversation, offering help in the kitchen to feel more of service, or intentionally verbalizing with others the moments of warmth or humor that you see around you.

Enhancing is about letting the good expand rather than merely survive.

Take a moment to P.R.I.M.E. yourself before your next holiday gathering and see whether you notice a difference in how you feel.

To learn more, check out Marc Brackett’s book Dealing with Feeling: Use Your Emotions to Create the Life You Want.

Corey DeGiacomo, LMFT-C is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center.