Healing Differences

By Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC

“A time to be silent, and a time to speak” - Ecclesiastes 3:7 (NIV)

“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” James 3:13 (NIV, emphasis mine)

What if the beginning to healing our differences was as simple as silence?

Not the kind of silence that is intended to harm, such as stonewalling or ignoring. But that type of silence can be damaging to another person. But instead, our silence is because we are listening.

Listening involves being silent, but we are still active. Actively involved in HEARING the other person. Not thinking about what we want to say as they are speaking, anxiously awaiting our chance to cut in and give our opinion, but actually listening. Considering the other individual and the unique perspective they might be offering.

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” James 1:19 (NIV)

It takes humility to defuse pride and stop wanting our say. There are times when our words are not helpful, but do we resist against controlling ourselves because we are right or because we desire to be right? There is a difference.

It may be that we grew up with a parent who made us feel like we were always wrong. Now we might feel compelled to prove our point when disagreement threatens. The problem with this is we cannot hear others, there is no consideration. Is it any wonder that we keep repeating conflicts with the same arguments? Can you give the floor to another and hear something different? Sacrifice your desire to be right.

“A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” Proverbs 17:27-28 (NIV)

Do you have enough humility to listen, to restrain yourself? Hear something different. Perhaps the eyes of your heart will then see something different. Something genuine.

Do you possess wisdom?

Author: Kristen Caldwell, MA, LPC Candidate. Kristen is a Candidate pursuing licensure and a clinical member at Transforming Life Counseling Center..